My benzo addiction

I'm struggling with my benzo addiction at the moment. Actually, I have been for a while. I was prescribed 0.5mg's of clonazepam a day when I was 18 for anxiety and social phobia, and have been taking it every day since. Six years later, I'm now up to 4-6mg a day. I've also been on a number of hypnotics, on and off over the years, including temazepam. I'll admit, I'm addicted to them - both physically and mentally. I crave it, I need it to function, and of course, I need it to prevent the hellish withdrawals (the convulsions once nearly killed me).

From time to time I do exceed my prescribed dose and abuse them, especially if I'm depressed and need to numb my feelings for a few hours, or if I just wanna relax and chill out. I know this isn't good. My girlfriend, Lydia, has been suggesting that I switch my clonazepam across to diazepam so I can taper it down more easily and eventually quit. I know she is right, but to be honest, I'm scared.

I've been carrying a bottle of clonazepam around with me for 6 years, popping a pill whenever I need it (or whenever I want it), and I'm scared to part with it. In fact, I'm terrified. I know my tolerance will continue to get higher and higher with time, and I know I will eventually need to taper down with diazepam (Lydia knows what she's talking about, and I really do appreciate her advice and support with this) but I guess I'm just scared to take that big step. Despite all the damage they are causing me, I still love my clonaz and my mazzies. I don't want to love them, but I do. I just can't help it.

 

I'm sorry, I know it's not the same, maybe have a bottle with skittles in it or m&m's? It may sound silly but sugar has saved my ass several times when I have the blues.
hang in there!

 

Thanks - but I'm not much of a drinker, to be honest. Alcohol was part of my last suicide attempt (along with heaps of pills) and I haven't really touched the stuff since then. Also, it's not really a replacement for benzos.

 

lol, i ment like put skittles or m&m's in ur pill bottle.

 

Bad idea. If you're hooked on benzos, you need to take your benzos on time or else you're fucked. Cold turkey could kill you. No word of a lie-- part of the withdrawal syndrome in severe cases are seizures, racing heartbeat, etc... With benzos, you have to taper. No choice.

Good idea though if you have spare pill bottles around and need to carry skittles as an emergency pick-me-up. The thing with sugar though is that it acts too quickly, and fades even quicker, often leading to a horrible sugar crash. Eat well, and you shouldn't need sugar hits.

 

D's: Sorry, I was pretty sedated when I read your first reply (I wonder why? lol). Interesting idea

Dave: Yeah, I've learned the hard way not to go cold turkey from benzos. The first time I tried that I had a full tonic clonic seizure, foaming at the mouth and turning blue. If an ambulance wasn't called, I might not have survived it.

 

I was on 8mg of klonopin for 8 years and 2mgs of Ativan, I finally got off them 10 or so months ago. I hated always having to have pills on me where ever I would go. It helped massively with my perceived anxiety the problem for me was I hated taking meds after so long on them complicated with the fact I was a opiate addict.

The last 10 months have been the worst months of my life and things are getting better slowly but surely. Good luck

Peace,
Seedless

 

^ Congrats for finally getting off them! How did you do it? Did you need to switch to diazepam, or did you just taper off the clonazepam and by ativan themselves?