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my amazing wife stargazer is gone

Stargazer

Stargazer

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 28, 2013
Messages
1,673
Hello everyone,

I am placing this here with the hope that staff will appropriately place the message.
My name is John. Stargazer aka 10yearsgone and then Stargazer once again was my wife Sherri. I took a while to announce to her friends and other family what happened because I am so devastated. It is with great sorrow that I am now announcing to you that Sher passed away suddenly and without any indication of a problem on 6/29. One day after her birthday. We had been together and happily married for nearly 20 years. I took quite while to figure out her passwords and only knew this one since she told me it and I stored it for some google drive issue a while ago. I know that she deeply touched all of the lives she came into contact with and I have seen several people that knew her only in passing that cried gutterly. She was an incredible soul that I know is doing big things in a better place. It is with some solace, albeit not much that I can confirm that her passing was in fact not drug related. I'm sorry that I don't have much further to add, please memorialize her account, I will not post with it, but I will answer any questions that some may have so long as I have access and the time. Thank you.

John
 
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This is my worst fear... losing SO. It is a growing weight i carry daily as we get older.
Only decent "thing" i have had in my life it seems. She definately makes life a bit more bearable and less dim.
Ahhhhh... all my best to ya, John.
Bye
 
Damn totally unexpected. I had hoped she just has personal stuff going on and would come back. Im gutted. John she was such an amazing smart and kind person.

I got to know Sherri over the last year modding this forum together. She was just naturally talented at helping people. It seemed she always knew just what to say. As a friend if mine she was thoughtful caring and always quick with a kind word. I am going to really miss her.

Her absence is going too leave a deep hole on this site. She touched many of us as evidenced by the constant stream of messages asking about her over the last 2 months. I know the grief of Internet strangers doesn't compare to yours John but she really will be missed
 
My heart goes out to you mate. I know there's nothing I can say to ease your pain, so I'm not even going to try. But please feel free to drop by anytime if you need support.

All the best <3
 
John, I am so sorry to hear of your loss- stargazer/10yg was a really kind and loving staff member and will be missed. Please feel free to keep posting ❤
 
I'm sorry for your loss, my sincere condolences to you and the family. Didn't know her personally but she was a true pillar of support here on Health&Recovery.

Bless!
 
I am so sorry John. I don't know the love you two shared, but I too lost my best friend/ex of five years and I can only imagine what you're going through. It's one of the worst feelings I've known and you can always reach out to me if you want to talk about it.

Stargazer was the kindest person I could have ever imagined on BL and she had such an impact on so many people's lives in a positive way. <3
 
i am so sorry for your loss John. Thank you for telling us what happened. I'd been hoping she was busy with personal stuff.

Stargazer really helped me in my run up to going to rehab, and with the difficulties i was having when i got out. she always treated me with compassion and gave me good advice, including her personal experience where it was relevant. she had so much to offer on this site and will be sorely missed.
 
Thank you so much guys. Its funny, I feel like I know some of you through her. She talked about many of you frequently and never had a bad thing to say about anyone. I want to make one thing clear, that I didn't earlier. Her death was not a suicide or drug related. I know I mentioned it wasn't from drugs as we were clean at that time, (I consider being on sub's clean), but it wasn't suicide. She loved life and loved her daughter and me. The cause is still pending and is likely an undiagnosed underlying medical condition. It happened so fast she didn't even have time to ask for help and the ambulance couldn't save her. I am an army combat veteran and we all had to be trained in CPR and so I administered it properly after dialing 911, nothing could be done . And she was bleeding from her nose and mouth. It may have been an aortic aneurism, it may even never be determined unfortunately because
the coroners office where we live have so far seemed lazy and incompetent.
 
I imagine you guys have probably never seen a picture of my wife. She was kind of shy that way. She never thought she looked good enough even though she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. This picture doesn't do her justice at all. She was even prettier in person.
 

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Stargazer said:
I imagine you guys have probably never seen a picture of my wife. She was kind of shy that way. She never thought she looked good enough even though she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. This picture doesn't do her justice at all. She was even prettier in person.
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Gorgeous. Wow. <3

Sorry for what you're going through man...
 
She is gorgeous mate. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through while you were administering CPR. It's my worst nightmare...
 
She had no brothers or sisters and I have no brothers or sisters and her parents are deceased and one of mine is and the other lives a thousand miles away on a fixed income. I ended up on the street in order to pay for her funeral. We were staying in a motel looking at houses. (I was going to use my VA home loan to buy a house). I had to overdraft both our accounts to the max to pay the funeral home bill alone. Its partly my fault for not having a decent savings but man. It has just been one thing after another. I tried to organize something on Facebook to alleviate the cost. But you guys probably know how that went... I am basically hexed from the world as a past drug addict. So people aren't to quick to give me money. The people that know this anyway. I am a professional in a field that would be shocked if they knew, (no I'm not a doctor), The ones that know me and should help just assume I'll just put it up my arm. Whatever. I'm fine and I got it done and in a weird way I consider the current struggle a badge of honor. I did what I was supposed to do. What any loving spouse would've done and I'll be fine. Fuck the money, the pain though, it doesn't get better with time. That's bullshit. At least it hasn't for me, in fact it's only gotten worse. I don't even know where I'm getting my next cigarette or food and I have a tablet that was hers that my mind won't permit me to sell....because it has the last videos she watched on it, the last things she did. I can't sell that. I know she'd be laughing and saying "just sell the damn thing you nut, you get paid in a week, buy a new one," but it just isn't that easy. Sorry if I seem like I'm complaining. You know it's funny I introduced Sher to this site. I was a member her a long long time ago. I mean dial up internet on CompuServe and AOL long ago. Thanks once again for the kind words guys. And I'll stop by from time to time to share more about my incredible girl.
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
She is gorgeous mate. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through while you were administering CPR. It's my worst nightmare...
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I don't know if I quoted you correctly or made some rookie mistake there, I haven't posted here in like 15+ years or something



It was the worst experience of my life. Bear in mind I had slipped up for a few days with dope. And the day before Sher did too. But I never stopped taking my Subutex and neither did she. We just lowered the amount of it while we were fucking up. But this day we did nothing. But when I saw her like that I was worried it was somehow drugs but I knew at the same time it wasn't. I did her shots because she was bad at it. And we ran out overnight the night before. Now imagine this. I hear her hit the floor and I'm not taking any chances. I narcaned her. Nothing. Narcaned her again and dial 911. All withing like 10 seconds. Now I'm doing CPR on her and she's bleeding from her face. On top of that I've fucked up on dope for 3 days and just hit her with two nasal sprays of 4mg each and now I'm blowing into her mouth and pinching her nose. So I'm narcaning myself while I'm doing this. Gagging and feeling precipitated withdrawal doing this and still having hope because her eyes were still open. The whole fucking scene was like a page out of hell.
 
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