psychoblast
Bluelighter
BACKGROUND: I have been taking MXE almost daily for about a year. I felt at first like it help control some of my social anxiety, making me better able to connect with family and network at work. There is a bit of a fine line, though, because sometimes it definitely makes me zonked and makes it hard to follow a conversational thread, and I get a bit anxious trying to hide that I'm on something. But on the other hand, I sometimes get to a stage where I am definitely looser, more intuitive, more empathetic, and insightful (or at least that's how it seems to me).
About half the time, I am also on tramadol or vicodin. I was working 16 hour days and I have found tramadol gives me energy (actually, insomnia, too) and so it was very handy on those days. But I cannot take it too much without a break because it wrecks my sleep. I've read it interferes with REM sleep so even if you go down for 8 hours, you're still not replenished. I found this to be true. After 2-3 days of taking tramadol, then taking a break, I would crash for 12-16 hours. Though Vicodin does not give me as much energy as Tramadol (and is harder to come by), it is more euphoric and I'd use it to take breaks from Tramadol.
For the last couple months, work has been slower, and I've been using both tramadol and vicodin less and less, but still taking MXE daily. I generally smoke weed in the evenings, so that is why it is part of the equation.
My past experience includes most everything except crack, crystal meth, heroin (three I won't ever do).
TRIP REPORT:
A couple days earlier, I had combined MXE and M1 (trip report on here) and had some personal insights shared with wife, which seemed to lead to muscular releases, like those repressed emotions tied to those past events was tied to muscle tension and releasing the repressed emotions automatically released the muscle tension I'd been holding for decades.
I wanted to experience more of this, so I did about 60mg of MXE (a high dose) and 5mg Vicodin (I had some soreness from ice skating for the first time in a decade the day before). It was evening at home. The soreness in my muscles kept drawing attention to itself, and so I kept finding as I moved, that I would feel a tension and then I would automatically find myself striking a quasi-yoga pose designed to explore and release that tension. I did this throughout my home while tidying up. If I bent over to pick up a shirt, I'd find myself sinking into some kind of pose to work on lower back muscles or stuff like that. It also happened in the kitchen as I cooked, if i reached for a pan or whatever.
I was basically doing yoga with almost every move I made, and finding myself seeking the most efficient and proper forms of movement no matter what I was doing. All movement became yoga. I had to take off my socks to feel more rooted, and I realized how atrophied my toes had become from lack of use. Like, I once saw an armless man play a guitar with his feet because we can all use our toes like fingers when we are born, if we keep at it, but we generally lose that ability, or do not learn it, because we rely on our hands and we relegate our feet to walking. I found I could not move any of my toes indepenent of the others except for the big toes. However, I decided to work on this, and focused on each toe and sent a signal to it to move independently. Though nothing visual happened, I felt a bit of tension by each, and realized if I did this daily, I could eventually rekindle some additional toe independence.
Another thing I noticed: It was like my entire home was a yoga studio desiged for this exact moment, this experience. I would find myself sometimes sinking to the floor to do a yoga pose in a room of my house, I'd reach for something to help deepen my stretch, and to brace against, and there was always something in the exact perfect distance to work with -- a trunk, a dresser, the edge of a bed. The height of my furniture, the distance of the walls, somehow worked perfectly for whatever I was doing, like for the years I'd lived here, I'd been subconsciously decorating and arranging my furniture for this experience. It made me feel there was a plan and things are "meant" to be if you let them.
I guess the most profound part of this was in the bedroom, I began talking to my wife about childhood experiences, and then she began talking to me, while I sank into a pose sitting on a trunk with my back to the wall. I pointed out to her a tightness in my shoulders I'd had for as long as I could remember, could not get my arms past verticle in a certain position. She started guiding me through it, telling me to breathe into the area and stuff like that. I decided to completely surrender to her instructions, which I normally find hard because I have a big ego when it comes to feeling like I know best for this sort of stuff. Anyway, with each breath, I found a huge amount of release going on, popping sounds (but no pain). My wife began massaging a toe (reflexology) and suddenly my head began to gyrate, as if uncoiling some tension and I felt a release go down my neck and into my shoulders. It was like decades of tension released in an instant. I could go to verticle and far beyond. I could move my neck in ways I had not for a very long time.
So the next couple hours, I kept doing the same, yoga and breathing and releasing. I have long held a belief that muscle tension is caused by certain muscles getting told to "hold on" in a moment of stress, and then when the stress passes, and the message is sent to "release," that message does not get to those muscles, maybe because they are holding on too tight to engage in communication or whatever. So if you could theoretically get the "release" message through to all of the muscles in your body that are stuck like this, you could potentially find yourself instantly transformed into a perfect yogi, able to stretch and bend like the best yoga master around. Massage helps with this, as does breath work, by teaching you to focuse your attention on those problem areas which helps get a "release" message through.
Anyway, I did not perfectly release all my body's tension, but I made so much progress literally overnight, that it does somewhat reinforce my theory.
I also had a sore shoulder I hurt falling while ice skating, which was limiting some of my movements. I brought my awareness to that muscle strain and asked my body to speed up the healing process as I focused. I got a sense that I was either bending time or kicking the relevant healing process into overdrive. I called this "quicktiming" and I felt like I healed the shoulder almost instantaneously even though there was a real muscle strain there. I think we can communicate with our bodies and ask them to do things that are not typical and thereby achieve unusual results like this if we do so in a loving and spiritual fashion.
One caveat about gaining muscle releases like this: muscle tension comes not just from a muscle "holding on." All muscles (or almost all) have opposite counterparts and when a muscle tenses, the counterpart is forced to relax or stretch out. So when you hold tension, in an area, there is a countepart forced into a stretched / relaxed position. Over time, that relaxed counterpart gets weaker and weaker. It needs to be strong enough to contract when and if that tense muscle relases, or that tense muscle cannot go anywhere and will remain stuck. So releasing muscles requires BOTH releasing the tense muscle and toning the counterpart muscle. Similarly, working out a counterpart to a stuck muscle can itself help release the stuck muscle. Anyway, I do think lack of muscle toning can limit what can be gained from mindful release of muscle tension in stuck muscles. Also, stuck muscles generally relate to some emotional repression, and it may be impossible to release deep muscle tension without also processing those emotions. During this experience, I was periodically talking to my wife about past, buried emotions which I think was part of the release process.
My conclusion is that MXE can be a great took for yoga and muscle relaxation, and can help you fall into the groove of life, where you are in sync with the universe around you. I have thought a good nickname for MXE might be "chi" based on how it seems to affect me. On the otherhand, given the initials, I think "mexico" could be another good street name. Oh, I also think disassociatives generally can be good for yoga and mindful relaxation of muscles, as I've had some similar experences (though not as physically intense) on ketamine.
~psychoblast~
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mxe
substancecode_achs
substancecode_dissociatives
substancecode_marijuana
substancecode_cannabis
substancecode_vicodin
substancecode_hydrocodone
substancecode_opiates
substancecode_pharms
substancecode_yoga
substancecode_nondrug
_combo_
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
roacode_oral
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
About half the time, I am also on tramadol or vicodin. I was working 16 hour days and I have found tramadol gives me energy (actually, insomnia, too) and so it was very handy on those days. But I cannot take it too much without a break because it wrecks my sleep. I've read it interferes with REM sleep so even if you go down for 8 hours, you're still not replenished. I found this to be true. After 2-3 days of taking tramadol, then taking a break, I would crash for 12-16 hours. Though Vicodin does not give me as much energy as Tramadol (and is harder to come by), it is more euphoric and I'd use it to take breaks from Tramadol.
For the last couple months, work has been slower, and I've been using both tramadol and vicodin less and less, but still taking MXE daily. I generally smoke weed in the evenings, so that is why it is part of the equation.
My past experience includes most everything except crack, crystal meth, heroin (three I won't ever do).
TRIP REPORT:
A couple days earlier, I had combined MXE and M1 (trip report on here) and had some personal insights shared with wife, which seemed to lead to muscular releases, like those repressed emotions tied to those past events was tied to muscle tension and releasing the repressed emotions automatically released the muscle tension I'd been holding for decades.
I wanted to experience more of this, so I did about 60mg of MXE (a high dose) and 5mg Vicodin (I had some soreness from ice skating for the first time in a decade the day before). It was evening at home. The soreness in my muscles kept drawing attention to itself, and so I kept finding as I moved, that I would feel a tension and then I would automatically find myself striking a quasi-yoga pose designed to explore and release that tension. I did this throughout my home while tidying up. If I bent over to pick up a shirt, I'd find myself sinking into some kind of pose to work on lower back muscles or stuff like that. It also happened in the kitchen as I cooked, if i reached for a pan or whatever.
I was basically doing yoga with almost every move I made, and finding myself seeking the most efficient and proper forms of movement no matter what I was doing. All movement became yoga. I had to take off my socks to feel more rooted, and I realized how atrophied my toes had become from lack of use. Like, I once saw an armless man play a guitar with his feet because we can all use our toes like fingers when we are born, if we keep at it, but we generally lose that ability, or do not learn it, because we rely on our hands and we relegate our feet to walking. I found I could not move any of my toes indepenent of the others except for the big toes. However, I decided to work on this, and focused on each toe and sent a signal to it to move independently. Though nothing visual happened, I felt a bit of tension by each, and realized if I did this daily, I could eventually rekindle some additional toe independence.
Another thing I noticed: It was like my entire home was a yoga studio desiged for this exact moment, this experience. I would find myself sometimes sinking to the floor to do a yoga pose in a room of my house, I'd reach for something to help deepen my stretch, and to brace against, and there was always something in the exact perfect distance to work with -- a trunk, a dresser, the edge of a bed. The height of my furniture, the distance of the walls, somehow worked perfectly for whatever I was doing, like for the years I'd lived here, I'd been subconsciously decorating and arranging my furniture for this experience. It made me feel there was a plan and things are "meant" to be if you let them.
I guess the most profound part of this was in the bedroom, I began talking to my wife about childhood experiences, and then she began talking to me, while I sank into a pose sitting on a trunk with my back to the wall. I pointed out to her a tightness in my shoulders I'd had for as long as I could remember, could not get my arms past verticle in a certain position. She started guiding me through it, telling me to breathe into the area and stuff like that. I decided to completely surrender to her instructions, which I normally find hard because I have a big ego when it comes to feeling like I know best for this sort of stuff. Anyway, with each breath, I found a huge amount of release going on, popping sounds (but no pain). My wife began massaging a toe (reflexology) and suddenly my head began to gyrate, as if uncoiling some tension and I felt a release go down my neck and into my shoulders. It was like decades of tension released in an instant. I could go to verticle and far beyond. I could move my neck in ways I had not for a very long time.
So the next couple hours, I kept doing the same, yoga and breathing and releasing. I have long held a belief that muscle tension is caused by certain muscles getting told to "hold on" in a moment of stress, and then when the stress passes, and the message is sent to "release," that message does not get to those muscles, maybe because they are holding on too tight to engage in communication or whatever. So if you could theoretically get the "release" message through to all of the muscles in your body that are stuck like this, you could potentially find yourself instantly transformed into a perfect yogi, able to stretch and bend like the best yoga master around. Massage helps with this, as does breath work, by teaching you to focuse your attention on those problem areas which helps get a "release" message through.
Anyway, I did not perfectly release all my body's tension, but I made so much progress literally overnight, that it does somewhat reinforce my theory.
I also had a sore shoulder I hurt falling while ice skating, which was limiting some of my movements. I brought my awareness to that muscle strain and asked my body to speed up the healing process as I focused. I got a sense that I was either bending time or kicking the relevant healing process into overdrive. I called this "quicktiming" and I felt like I healed the shoulder almost instantaneously even though there was a real muscle strain there. I think we can communicate with our bodies and ask them to do things that are not typical and thereby achieve unusual results like this if we do so in a loving and spiritual fashion.
One caveat about gaining muscle releases like this: muscle tension comes not just from a muscle "holding on." All muscles (or almost all) have opposite counterparts and when a muscle tenses, the counterpart is forced to relax or stretch out. So when you hold tension, in an area, there is a countepart forced into a stretched / relaxed position. Over time, that relaxed counterpart gets weaker and weaker. It needs to be strong enough to contract when and if that tense muscle relases, or that tense muscle cannot go anywhere and will remain stuck. So releasing muscles requires BOTH releasing the tense muscle and toning the counterpart muscle. Similarly, working out a counterpart to a stuck muscle can itself help release the stuck muscle. Anyway, I do think lack of muscle toning can limit what can be gained from mindful release of muscle tension in stuck muscles. Also, stuck muscles generally relate to some emotional repression, and it may be impossible to release deep muscle tension without also processing those emotions. During this experience, I was periodically talking to my wife about past, buried emotions which I think was part of the release process.
My conclusion is that MXE can be a great took for yoga and muscle relaxation, and can help you fall into the groove of life, where you are in sync with the universe around you. I have thought a good nickname for MXE might be "chi" based on how it seems to affect me. On the otherhand, given the initials, I think "mexico" could be another good street name. Oh, I also think disassociatives generally can be good for yoga and mindful relaxation of muscles, as I've had some similar experences (though not as physically intense) on ketamine.
~psychoblast~
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mxe
substancecode_achs
substancecode_dissociatives
substancecode_marijuana
substancecode_cannabis
substancecode_vicodin
substancecode_hydrocodone
substancecode_opiates
substancecode_pharms
substancecode_yoga
substancecode_nondrug
_combo_
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
roacode_oral
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
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