Cassini-Huygens
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2019
- Messages
- 2
The Night I Became an Astronaut
Preface
It has been a while. Tonight i allowed myself a snack of one of my treasures. I consider myself lucky to have saved to this day a tiny amount of genuine, pre-ban MXE and just landed from a low-dose trip of 20mg. I don’t know if it is my low tolerance for dissociatives or if i’m especially sensitive to this material, but 20mg is enough for me to have an intense experience. Maybe someday i will write down my experience of tonight, but for now i want to let it sink in. However, this little dissociative snack revived my interest and compassion for the compound and i decided spontaneously to translate my second ever experience with this substance - a trip-report which was originally posted in 2015 to a non-english drug-discussion board. With the recent surfacing of MXPr and MXiPr it might be of interest to some
___________________________________
Trip-Report
This night i became an Astronaut. I did not expect this, because the evening started rather unspectacular. Who would have guessed i drift so far out?
I was swimming for the first time in a long time this afternoon and enjoyed a pleasurable exhaustion. This felt great. After 2 hours of sport - you got to give your body something good once in a while i imagine - i went home. To my surprise the flat was completely empty and nobody was home. This is a rather rare event, because usually there is more the vibe of a busy train station, but i like it this way. Confronted with the unusual situation, i couldn’t directly decide how to spend the evening, but something was in the air and i thought to myself: “So what?! Seems like vacation-time to me!”. The phrase vacation might seem a little off at first, but from the perspective after the trip i’m convinced it was exactly the right term for what followed. My vacation-plans were simple:
First: Clean up the flat.
Then: Eat some methoxetamine.
My first ever encounter with this special substance was half a year ago. A good friend of mine - we share a lot of trips - and me both consumed 25mg and we got some hint of what dissociation might be. On this occasion we spent most of the time to characterize the effects of this novel compound, because it was our first time MXE and our first dissociative in general. At this dose, it was hard for us to pin down what it feels like. We felt totally confused and completely lucid at the same time. I had the impression my body was always 2 steps ahead and it felt somewhat ‘cold’ and ‘robot-like’. I felt distanced to my emotions and this made me - a fan of classic psychedelics like LSD and mescaline - a little suspicious even though i didn't think of it as unpleasant, quite the contrary. We decided to throw some cannabis into the mix and after we smoked a little ‘stickie’ we opened up and had a really good time, but i remembered the trip as rather uneventful and so the methoxetamine went back into the box and stayed there for quite some time.
This time i was on my own, and this change in set turned out to allow for a much more introspective experience. I decided to weigh out 35mg and then split the miniscule amount of powder in two roughly equal capsules. After swallowing the first capsule (17-18mg) i started to clean the flat and told myself that i would try to finish everything, but it would be okay if this was not possible. you might be right if you think that ‘cleaning a flat’ and ‘consuming a dissociative’ sounds like a recipe for a disaster, but i was very amused of this thought. I saved the second capsule for redosing, but had not finally decided if i wanted to use it.
So i gathered all the necessary materials and started cleaning: tidy the living room, wash the dishes, clean the floor - the whole menu. As i went on i noticed i felt kind of funny doing this mundane tasks. At first there was a pronounced physical effect. I felt tipsy like after drinking 2 or 3 beer und my limbs became harder to coordinate with the precision i was used to by the minute. I wobbled through the flat and when i imagined what this would look to other people i had to constantly laugh. Next my mind started to shift. I noticed this when i felt ‘detached’ from my cleaning tasks. It was not like i was unable to, for example, wash the dishes, but it did not feel like ‘washing the dishes’. I’m a lazy person and usually i associate a task like ‘washing the dishes’ with ‘tediousness’ but this was suddenly not the case anymore. I became more and more detached from my typical reaction to the situation at hand - and i liked it. Now i felt completely neutral in relation to these chores. Soon i learned to enjoy my new neutrality. “This can be a relief!”, i thought. I wasn’t exactly euphoric but now i had to chuckle all the time because everything was so weird.
It was done! The flat was sqeaky-clean and i estimated that i took the first capsule 2 hours ago. I enjoyed myself a lot and so down the hatch the second one went. I quickly became friends with this new outlook on reality and everything was really chilled - so why not? In the meantime my flatmate came home and i had a small conversation with her. Social interaction was not a problem, though in retrospect it was possibly a little strange when she asked me what i was doing and i answered ‘vacation!’ with a bucket in one hand and a mop in the other hand. In these situations i’m glad that we are all pretty accepting when it comes to drug-use and i guess at some point you just stop wondering. I finished the work on the flat by returning everything back to it’s place and at the same time i felt the second dose of MXE working on me. My transformation to jelly was almost 100% complete and it dawned on me that my mind wouldn’t be able to continue such a practical thing as ‘cleaning’. I walked through the flat and marvelled at my accomplishment. I felt a little bit proud, but now as i became jelly i had no use for this clean flat. I knew my destination: Bed!
“Now this is better!”. I brought a supply of tea and snacks and layed down as it dawned on me that this dissociative might keep a few surprises up it’s sleeve. Lights out, headphones on. Perfect. I put on an ambient-playlist and had to exclaim: “Wooooow!”. I love ambient-music and this night i learned that ambient is my optimal companion for these occasions. “Lusine ICL” washed over me as became more detached from my body and my mind started drifting. I didn't know this feeling yet, but there was no fear. With closed eyes i start seeing the things in my life meaning the most to me: I see my parents and family, my girlfriend, my friends. I relive moments of joy and sorrow but everything is equally important. laughing and crying. There are scenes from my everyday-life and from my childhood. I get the feeling that i need to be close to everybody right now! The song “Without Standing” by “Lusine ICL” plays and i got tears in my eyes. I see things past, present and dozens of variations of a possible future. In this moment i am completely perplexed by the intense emotions in contrast to my neutral jelly-cleaning-vacation.
How much time passed? I don’t know but it felt like an eternity to me. The Music changes to
“Stars of the Lid” and their Album “Refinement of the Decline”. I feel this is going to get deeper… no wait… not deeper. More far out!
Now i feel that i move away from all the things and all the people meaning so much to me. But i don’t move away because i want to. No. I move away because my ‘Me’ moves more and more to the background. It slowly fades away and i, well, i become an astronaut. Suddenly i feel the most intense melancholy. I see myself in a shuttle on the way to a space-station orbiting the earth. below me is the blue planet, above me are the stars and galaxies far away. I’m slowly realising the situation: “Hold up! This is a farewell!” Through the window i can see, no, feel all these things so important to me. Everything and everyone making ‘Me’ is down below. Everyone and everything i saw so clearly. I know that i have to say ‘Goodbye’ now. There is a short moment of doubt, possibly the last remains of ‘Me’, fearing to lose everything. But i decide not to be afraid, precisely because i realised how important all these people are to me. This is the reason there is no fear: “I will come back!”. “This is going to be quite the voyage i guess”, is one of the last thoughts i can grasp.
The shuttle unlocks from the station without making any sound. It fires it’s booster rockets and off we go. I drift through the universe and am completely speechless in response to the wonders unfolding around me. Pulsars, Quasars, Black Holes, Galaxies. It is magnificent. This drifting felt like an enormous amount of time to me. In this moment of travelling through the universe - there was no one travelling. It was travel in and of itself.
Then something changed. A warm, yellow glow comes over me. I get the idea that i have arrived. Suddenly, i can’t focus anymore on the ambient music from my headphones. I hear the crackling of vinyl in combination with a piano in my head and realize that it is the beginning of a song i didn’t hear for years and completely forgot, but which was very important to me in an certain time of my life. After searching for an eternity on my harddrive and on the internet i found it and put on the headphones for a last time.
This moment is perfect and i thought to myself: “I found something beautiful”
I am landing. My emotions come back. ‘I’ come back! This feels wonderful. It really feels like coming home after a long vacation. I think about what i had learned. It seems sometimes you have to go / to let loose for being able to come back and appreciate everything like you should. The MXE really felt like taking a vacation - from me! It allows you to take a vacation from yourself, for you to be able to become yourself again. I felt totally refreshed!
At this time, there is no active effect other than a pleasurable afterglow. I listen to some more music and think about my voyage. The coming down from MXE is very pleasant and fuzzy to me.
Dissociatives are fascinating, especially in relation to ‘classic’ or ‘associative’ psychedelics like psilocybin-mushrooms, LSD or 2C-X. I can better grasp the their difference on a symbolic level. Shrooms, LSD and the Mescaline-Analogues symbolize Life, Light and Chaos to me. In contrast, dissociatives mean Death, Darkness and Order to me. But this sounds way scarier than it is. You don’t die, but you leave your ego behind. You descend into the darkness, only to step back smiling into the light. To come back home smiling.I guess there is ‘Ego-Death’ as well with the ‘classic’ psychedelics as, but with dissociatives you kind of get to ride another train to the same destination and let me tell you, the scenery can be quite awesome.
I guess i will put the MXE back in the box for now. It is a truly unique and impressive substance, but i see the potential to get lost in if you chase it. I am looking forward to the next vacation, but i’m not in a hurry. Time will tell.
Stay safe out there!
________________________________________________
Afterthoughts
This was quite the ride! I'd love to hear your first experiences with MXE. As i said, i have some left, but from now on i have to ration it because i want to get the most out of it. I'd be interested in trying a combination with a 4-subtistuted-tryptamine like 4-ACO-AMT or 4-HO-MET. Any recommendations?
Love.
Preface
It has been a while. Tonight i allowed myself a snack of one of my treasures. I consider myself lucky to have saved to this day a tiny amount of genuine, pre-ban MXE and just landed from a low-dose trip of 20mg. I don’t know if it is my low tolerance for dissociatives or if i’m especially sensitive to this material, but 20mg is enough for me to have an intense experience. Maybe someday i will write down my experience of tonight, but for now i want to let it sink in. However, this little dissociative snack revived my interest and compassion for the compound and i decided spontaneously to translate my second ever experience with this substance - a trip-report which was originally posted in 2015 to a non-english drug-discussion board. With the recent surfacing of MXPr and MXiPr it might be of interest to some
___________________________________
Trip-Report
This night i became an Astronaut. I did not expect this, because the evening started rather unspectacular. Who would have guessed i drift so far out?
I was swimming for the first time in a long time this afternoon and enjoyed a pleasurable exhaustion. This felt great. After 2 hours of sport - you got to give your body something good once in a while i imagine - i went home. To my surprise the flat was completely empty and nobody was home. This is a rather rare event, because usually there is more the vibe of a busy train station, but i like it this way. Confronted with the unusual situation, i couldn’t directly decide how to spend the evening, but something was in the air and i thought to myself: “So what?! Seems like vacation-time to me!”. The phrase vacation might seem a little off at first, but from the perspective after the trip i’m convinced it was exactly the right term for what followed. My vacation-plans were simple:
First: Clean up the flat.
Then: Eat some methoxetamine.
My first ever encounter with this special substance was half a year ago. A good friend of mine - we share a lot of trips - and me both consumed 25mg and we got some hint of what dissociation might be. On this occasion we spent most of the time to characterize the effects of this novel compound, because it was our first time MXE and our first dissociative in general. At this dose, it was hard for us to pin down what it feels like. We felt totally confused and completely lucid at the same time. I had the impression my body was always 2 steps ahead and it felt somewhat ‘cold’ and ‘robot-like’. I felt distanced to my emotions and this made me - a fan of classic psychedelics like LSD and mescaline - a little suspicious even though i didn't think of it as unpleasant, quite the contrary. We decided to throw some cannabis into the mix and after we smoked a little ‘stickie’ we opened up and had a really good time, but i remembered the trip as rather uneventful and so the methoxetamine went back into the box and stayed there for quite some time.
This time i was on my own, and this change in set turned out to allow for a much more introspective experience. I decided to weigh out 35mg and then split the miniscule amount of powder in two roughly equal capsules. After swallowing the first capsule (17-18mg) i started to clean the flat and told myself that i would try to finish everything, but it would be okay if this was not possible. you might be right if you think that ‘cleaning a flat’ and ‘consuming a dissociative’ sounds like a recipe for a disaster, but i was very amused of this thought. I saved the second capsule for redosing, but had not finally decided if i wanted to use it.
So i gathered all the necessary materials and started cleaning: tidy the living room, wash the dishes, clean the floor - the whole menu. As i went on i noticed i felt kind of funny doing this mundane tasks. At first there was a pronounced physical effect. I felt tipsy like after drinking 2 or 3 beer und my limbs became harder to coordinate with the precision i was used to by the minute. I wobbled through the flat and when i imagined what this would look to other people i had to constantly laugh. Next my mind started to shift. I noticed this when i felt ‘detached’ from my cleaning tasks. It was not like i was unable to, for example, wash the dishes, but it did not feel like ‘washing the dishes’. I’m a lazy person and usually i associate a task like ‘washing the dishes’ with ‘tediousness’ but this was suddenly not the case anymore. I became more and more detached from my typical reaction to the situation at hand - and i liked it. Now i felt completely neutral in relation to these chores. Soon i learned to enjoy my new neutrality. “This can be a relief!”, i thought. I wasn’t exactly euphoric but now i had to chuckle all the time because everything was so weird.
It was done! The flat was sqeaky-clean and i estimated that i took the first capsule 2 hours ago. I enjoyed myself a lot and so down the hatch the second one went. I quickly became friends with this new outlook on reality and everything was really chilled - so why not? In the meantime my flatmate came home and i had a small conversation with her. Social interaction was not a problem, though in retrospect it was possibly a little strange when she asked me what i was doing and i answered ‘vacation!’ with a bucket in one hand and a mop in the other hand. In these situations i’m glad that we are all pretty accepting when it comes to drug-use and i guess at some point you just stop wondering. I finished the work on the flat by returning everything back to it’s place and at the same time i felt the second dose of MXE working on me. My transformation to jelly was almost 100% complete and it dawned on me that my mind wouldn’t be able to continue such a practical thing as ‘cleaning’. I walked through the flat and marvelled at my accomplishment. I felt a little bit proud, but now as i became jelly i had no use for this clean flat. I knew my destination: Bed!
“Now this is better!”. I brought a supply of tea and snacks and layed down as it dawned on me that this dissociative might keep a few surprises up it’s sleeve. Lights out, headphones on. Perfect. I put on an ambient-playlist and had to exclaim: “Wooooow!”. I love ambient-music and this night i learned that ambient is my optimal companion for these occasions. “Lusine ICL” washed over me as became more detached from my body and my mind started drifting. I didn't know this feeling yet, but there was no fear. With closed eyes i start seeing the things in my life meaning the most to me: I see my parents and family, my girlfriend, my friends. I relive moments of joy and sorrow but everything is equally important. laughing and crying. There are scenes from my everyday-life and from my childhood. I get the feeling that i need to be close to everybody right now! The song “Without Standing” by “Lusine ICL” plays and i got tears in my eyes. I see things past, present and dozens of variations of a possible future. In this moment i am completely perplexed by the intense emotions in contrast to my neutral jelly-cleaning-vacation.
How much time passed? I don’t know but it felt like an eternity to me. The Music changes to
“Stars of the Lid” and their Album “Refinement of the Decline”. I feel this is going to get deeper… no wait… not deeper. More far out!
Now i feel that i move away from all the things and all the people meaning so much to me. But i don’t move away because i want to. No. I move away because my ‘Me’ moves more and more to the background. It slowly fades away and i, well, i become an astronaut. Suddenly i feel the most intense melancholy. I see myself in a shuttle on the way to a space-station orbiting the earth. below me is the blue planet, above me are the stars and galaxies far away. I’m slowly realising the situation: “Hold up! This is a farewell!” Through the window i can see, no, feel all these things so important to me. Everything and everyone making ‘Me’ is down below. Everyone and everything i saw so clearly. I know that i have to say ‘Goodbye’ now. There is a short moment of doubt, possibly the last remains of ‘Me’, fearing to lose everything. But i decide not to be afraid, precisely because i realised how important all these people are to me. This is the reason there is no fear: “I will come back!”. “This is going to be quite the voyage i guess”, is one of the last thoughts i can grasp.
The shuttle unlocks from the station without making any sound. It fires it’s booster rockets and off we go. I drift through the universe and am completely speechless in response to the wonders unfolding around me. Pulsars, Quasars, Black Holes, Galaxies. It is magnificent. This drifting felt like an enormous amount of time to me. In this moment of travelling through the universe - there was no one travelling. It was travel in and of itself.
Then something changed. A warm, yellow glow comes over me. I get the idea that i have arrived. Suddenly, i can’t focus anymore on the ambient music from my headphones. I hear the crackling of vinyl in combination with a piano in my head and realize that it is the beginning of a song i didn’t hear for years and completely forgot, but which was very important to me in an certain time of my life. After searching for an eternity on my harddrive and on the internet i found it and put on the headphones for a last time.
This moment is perfect and i thought to myself: “I found something beautiful”
I am landing. My emotions come back. ‘I’ come back! This feels wonderful. It really feels like coming home after a long vacation. I think about what i had learned. It seems sometimes you have to go / to let loose for being able to come back and appreciate everything like you should. The MXE really felt like taking a vacation - from me! It allows you to take a vacation from yourself, for you to be able to become yourself again. I felt totally refreshed!
At this time, there is no active effect other than a pleasurable afterglow. I listen to some more music and think about my voyage. The coming down from MXE is very pleasant and fuzzy to me.
Dissociatives are fascinating, especially in relation to ‘classic’ or ‘associative’ psychedelics like psilocybin-mushrooms, LSD or 2C-X. I can better grasp the their difference on a symbolic level. Shrooms, LSD and the Mescaline-Analogues symbolize Life, Light and Chaos to me. In contrast, dissociatives mean Death, Darkness and Order to me. But this sounds way scarier than it is. You don’t die, but you leave your ego behind. You descend into the darkness, only to step back smiling into the light. To come back home smiling.I guess there is ‘Ego-Death’ as well with the ‘classic’ psychedelics as, but with dissociatives you kind of get to ride another train to the same destination and let me tell you, the scenery can be quite awesome.
I guess i will put the MXE back in the box for now. It is a truly unique and impressive substance, but i see the potential to get lost in if you chase it. I am looking forward to the next vacation, but i’m not in a hurry. Time will tell.
Stay safe out there!
________________________________________________
Afterthoughts
This was quite the ride! I'd love to hear your first experiences with MXE. As i said, i have some left, but from now on i have to ration it because i want to get the most out of it. I'd be interested in trying a combination with a 4-subtistuted-tryptamine like 4-ACO-AMT or 4-HO-MET. Any recommendations?
Love.
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