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Music downs me

JasperTheReckless

JasperTheReckless

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 1, 2011
Messages
339
I feel like the equivalent of a music alcoholic. I listen to downers all the time. I can been fine and hear a couple songs and and hour later, be counting my pills and playing with my knife.

I can't stop, it's just the music that I like. Cheery quick shit is uninteresting. And unpleasantly, a literal 95% of my music is tragedy.

I feel like my music contributes greatly to my depression but it makes me feel better somewhat and not notice how far i'm falling down. I can only realize it now and then, but mostly I forget.

Sadness itself is addictive to me, I get a rush from being in the dark pits, sickeningly the strongest rush is when I map out possible suicide options.

This is a big problem, fucking obviously. It's intimidating, and I feel like i'm watching myself die in third person.

This isn't a complete shocker, as I get off on dysphoric drugs and bad trips. However, it's still driving me mad, watching my life dissect itself.

I'll add more later, but i'm freaking out at the moment.
 
Lately I have to really be in a mood to listen to music. It's just too generic and boring for me.
I started doing what the old man does and listen to talk shows. You seem kinda sad and sometimes
listening to old familiar tunes intensifies this effect for me. Maybe it's getting off the drugs hurts worse.
 
Ya, just try other genres of music in my opinion. There is nothing wrong with listening to talk radio either.
 
I feel ya man. As Three Days Grace once said, 'I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all'. When you condition yourself to suffer for most of the time it becomes almost impossible to feel happy, and positive music will not resonate with you in the slightest. There is a visceral rush, an aliveness that accompanies any emotion, an energy that excites your being.. even in the darkest of feelings there is a powerful force. But if this is actually causing you to slip into depressions then maybe it's not the best idea.

This song rips my heart out, but god damn do I love it.
 
I feel ya...

the couple weeks ive really been hit hard by a song ive always loved and appriciated. i let my self ignore the grieving process, and now its catching up to me. the offspring - gone away. says it all. literally.

Ive had the same experience in feeling that my taste in music furthers my depression. I am a HUGE trip-hop fan. portishead, massive attack, unkle.
As of recently ive found it very hard to listen to this genre w/o effecting my emotional state.
However, I have noticed that most "upbeat", or "happier" genres or songs tend to bring out a deep, long lasting resentment and anger.

The one genre that recently has given me some hope in being able to experience music w/o negative mood effects... House. and ive always hated house until recently.

try songs like: Afrojack - Rock the house. Lights - toes. Major Lazer - Get Free. Yolanda Be Cool vs.Dcup - We No Speak Americano. Axwell feat. Errol Reid - Nothing But Love. (i tried to give some good examples of different popular house stuff too, no bad references.) Give it a try!! :) The vid for the axwell song is very fitting... nothing but love!!!<3
 
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KingBlueTwista said:
There is something addictive about that intense and aesthetically addictive depression that music can arouse though, when an emotion is felt so intensely that the self is forgotten completely and you become the embodiment of suffering.
Click to expand...

DUDE u posted about massive attack while i musta been typing... yeah trip hop is the ultimate downer.
 
KingBlueTwista said:
Haha synchronicity or reality... sometimes I wonder
Click to expand...

listening to the alt. version of "psyche" on utube. u just freakin realated to the lyrics a bit there too...
"cuz i was set to fall in"..."cuz i was set to fall in"...

The live Portishead stuff from NYC gets to me sometimes... "Roads" and especially "Undenied"

those videos really make my heart stop, i would do anything to back in time to that concert.
 
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^Indeed, the creative expression of pain, of void in vibration, is something incredibly beautiful. I think it's because we can suffer in more ways than we can be happy, and the depths in their extremest sink further than the heights rise at their fullest, that the reflection of these feelings found in expression stir us most profoundly.
 
I'm a sad song lover. A friend once borrowed my ipod and then said (jokingly) she was going to go kill herself! I don't know why but they have the opposite effect on me. They don't make me sadder even when I am feeling sad--they help. I think it is someone giving voice, in a way that I cannot, to the depth of the feeling. It is also a testament to the transformative power of art. Art that expresses our most painful emotions allows us to connect and come together whereas we usually feel the most alone when experiencing those kinds of feelings.

I have to say that this thread has increased my sad songs by 2 already.8)
 
just put Call Me Maybe on repeat for an hour or so and you'll be brightening up your world
 
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