Liquid Sunshine
Bluelighter
Despite having numerous experiences, occasionally of higher dose (and once of the same dose in combination with 100mg of MDMA) I have yet to have a trip that even remotely touches the phenomenal intensity this one had. Unfortunately, huge portions of it were horrific, although in the end, I have to say it is one of my favorite trips by far. Has anyone else experienced a trip with themes/motifs of this nature? The Void in particular. This was my second psychedelic experience, and I am hoping one day to have something of that intensity.
Second question: Would this trip be considered a ++++ on the shulgin scale? It certainly felt transcendent, but I do not know what qualifies that, particularly with such a low dose (albeit Cyanesens, one of the most potent psilocybin mushrooms by weight in existance, for a second time user whose only previous experience was a gram and a half of some cubensis (which he tripped quite hard on)
Thirdly, I was unsure whether this belonged here or in trip reports; It contains a trip report, but my main focus is the questions prefacing it, not the trip report itself. I'm really sorry if I was wrong
Experiment #2
P. Cyanesens
3.5g
About forty minutes from the place that I intended to trip at, I took 3.5 grams of Cyanesens orally, grind and swallowed. After chewing the mushrooms, which tasted a lot like dirt, I smiled and said "Here's to a crazy night" and looked at my (alarmed) friends. If only I knew what was going to happen.
J (my sober friend) and I were wandering towards C's house (the place that most of my experience was going to occur) and I began to experience a slight feeling of excitement in my stomach. I was wrapped up in conversation, surprisingly unconcerned with the rather potent dose of psilocybin getting ready to storm my mind. Slowly, things begin to slide into high definition, and I got a strong sense of "Halloween" from the trees, red and black and orange in our coastal autumn. I smiled, because I knew where the feeling was coming from. It was starting.
After about ten minutes, I got a sense of euphoria. Everything was both delightful and amusing, and I couldn't stop talking. I rambled about things stream of consciousness as we walked, and about twenty minutes after the slide into high-def I experienced my first visual. The supermarket loomed ahead of, innocent and unobtrusive. After closer observation, I noticed colorful rainbow halos around each light fixture. I looked at J and grinned, ecstatic. He smiled back knowingly, an experienced fryfrog himself, despite his sobriety this autumn evening.
Some walking, some talking. Everything had become extremely absurd, and I spent most of this time laughing or grinning, completely amused to be alive and where I was. Nothing particularly interesting was going on, just a cloudy night, a few people wandering about and a bar open, playing music in the distance. I found that people didn't make me anxious. On the contrary, I was very much fascinated by them. I felt that I had a great secret, and they could never know it, and would never know it. Every time someone would walk by, I would giggle madly, and smile at J. The night was electric, and I was starting to feel quite energetic by the time we got to McDonalds, about thirty minutes since threshold effects were observed. I needed to use the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom, and the walls had afterimages of the tiles projected in front of them, like the tiles had a film of identical but transparent material layered on top of them, in a strange and beautiful aura. Everything in the bathroom was extraordinarily bright. I used the bathroom without any embarrassing incidents, or anything like that. on my way out, a man walked in to use the bathroom, old and doddering. He glanced at me, and I grinned wildly. I couldn't resist. He was just so damn funny, and -he would never know why I was so happy-. I walked out, and J was there, waiting patiently. I greeted him enthusiastically, still riding the euphoria and humour of the experience. We continued on our journey.
We reach Cs house, and at this point I'm sure J was mildly annoyed; I had been talking non-stop for the entire forty minute walk from McDonalds, almost without any kind of transition or organization. Just instant stream-of-consciousness verbal regurgitation of everything I thought. I mentioned people he'd never met, places he'd never been, and things that were either irrelevant or long forgotten between us. It had begun to sprinkle and the raindrops on my neck an electric tingle, and it felt beautiful and interesting. I savored this feeling even in my rambling. I would often cycle between certain recurring statements in the middle of my monologues.
"Hey J, remember when you listened to Insane Clown Posse when we were young? That was embarrassing. Your girlfriend sucks, sorry. I don't mean to be so mean WOW ITS RAINING and my phone is going to die and man your girlfriend really sucks"
I can only thank J for his patience. His girlfriend really did suck, and he agreed, but I was fairly out of line, in that I may have repeated that 20 times altogether.
We finally arrive at C's house, and things are really in swing. My memory from this point is not as precise, as things had begun to slide around in a funny way, temporally. I remember most vividly sitting on the couch. C had this butterfly pillow, and I looked at it,and not only did it appear to be an enormous, fully alive butterfly, but it was sitting next to me fluttering it's wings gently, benevolent and kind. I looked to J to inform him of this beautiful thing, and was almost overwhelmed by the shimmering, colorful walls. Greens and blues mostly, flashes of red. Not so much the wall being those colors but those colors moving -through- the wall, iridescent and meaningful to me at the time. When I finally realized that I had set out to tell J something, I was even more shocked to find that he was melting! This was hilarious, and I spent an obnoxious amount of time just staring and laughing at him, wobbling and dripping about. He seemed to be apart of the colorful walls in a weird way, but was not getting any of the colors from the wall. At this point C had let some cats in, and they crawled upstairs and began running around the room. I was in awe. Cats were so lithe, so fast and they were moving almost without moving, it seemed. I was shocked at how graceful they were, and every step seemed to be filled with intend and purpose.
The next thing I remember, unfortunately, would be the not-so-positive part of the experience.
I remember a sense of 'waking up', though to my knowledge, I had not slept at all. I looked around me, and saw nothing. Black, a void. I will refer to it from this point on as The Void, because I still even to this moment cannot shake the sense that it was a place inside of me that will always be there, and is probably inside of everyone. The darkness where your fears go, your thoughts you shunt aside, the quiet sense that things weren't always so peaceful, and at some points in your life things had happened that you don't want to remember. The darkness. The Void.
I was panicked, horrified, for a moment. I was confused and my thoughts roiled in and out of themselves. I was receiving no sensory input, nothing. I did not even sense my body, I was simply a consciousness floating in the dark, moving through time and space separate from a body in a dead universe. I began to calm down, and I started questioning my location. At first, this didn't do anything but frustrate me, but then I started picking up little flashes of light and color -from inside the darkness-. I was not, as I thought for a moment, breaking out of the void, but seeing things. Little flashes of memories. I was fascinated but confused by these little fragments of life withing The Void, so I reached out with my mind. As I hit it, I had a very vivid reliving of an old memory with my mother, very bad. My mom had raised me while going through a meth-addiction coupled with schizophrenia, and she would get mildly violent. One moment, I was horrified. The next, I felt a swelling determination to deal with it. I asserted my control over the memory, and embraced it. I absorbed into myself, and moved on. I went through several of these memories, one by one and I assimilated them all into myself, feeling more and more powerful and alive as this went on. After a short time, I found myself in the void again, and I thought "I can get out of this. I just dealt with my whole life, I can control this" and I just... felt myself breathe. I focused on that, my new ability to feel my lungs, and slowly perception bubbled outwards. I found myself in something J and I refer to as 'the man cave', a little hangout building that used to be a dog kennel J converted into a neat little chill pad. I was confused, but determined to find J, who I presume had led me down there. I went upstairs, and found J in his room. I gave him a long hug. He informed me that I had terrified him. I'm been acting almost psychotic, going back and forth from muttering and yelling to silence, saying lots of names and telling him to fuck off, and then telling him I loved him and was sorry. I apologized, and said "Don't worry about it. I'm okay now, just shroomin'" and I walked into the bathroom. I stood there for a moment, and promptly took off my clothes and just stared at myself in the mirror. I stared long and hard, not so much at myself but at my life. I thought of each passing moment that I'd wasted, and I thought of every person I'd helped or hurt. This went on for a long, long time.I don't really know how long, but it felt like an hour or so (meaningless because of the time dilation I had been experiencing previously). I put my clothes back on, and walked into the living room. I hugged Jonce more, and we had a laugh at how ridiculous I was. I was feeling great. I felt like I had put a huge part of my life behind me, and dealt with the parts of my past that I had always tried to forget about, or just ignore. I felt like I could turn everything around and make every minute from that point useful. I felt fucking awesome. I walked home almost skipping, totally overjoyed. I was not the least bit shaken by The Void, and, surprisingly, felt grateful for that experience into my own mind. I went home and slept the best sleep I'd slept in months.
Second question: Would this trip be considered a ++++ on the shulgin scale? It certainly felt transcendent, but I do not know what qualifies that, particularly with such a low dose (albeit Cyanesens, one of the most potent psilocybin mushrooms by weight in existance, for a second time user whose only previous experience was a gram and a half of some cubensis (which he tripped quite hard on)
Thirdly, I was unsure whether this belonged here or in trip reports; It contains a trip report, but my main focus is the questions prefacing it, not the trip report itself. I'm really sorry if I was wrong
Experiment #2
P. Cyanesens
3.5g
About forty minutes from the place that I intended to trip at, I took 3.5 grams of Cyanesens orally, grind and swallowed. After chewing the mushrooms, which tasted a lot like dirt, I smiled and said "Here's to a crazy night" and looked at my (alarmed) friends. If only I knew what was going to happen.
J (my sober friend) and I were wandering towards C's house (the place that most of my experience was going to occur) and I began to experience a slight feeling of excitement in my stomach. I was wrapped up in conversation, surprisingly unconcerned with the rather potent dose of psilocybin getting ready to storm my mind. Slowly, things begin to slide into high definition, and I got a strong sense of "Halloween" from the trees, red and black and orange in our coastal autumn. I smiled, because I knew where the feeling was coming from. It was starting.
After about ten minutes, I got a sense of euphoria. Everything was both delightful and amusing, and I couldn't stop talking. I rambled about things stream of consciousness as we walked, and about twenty minutes after the slide into high-def I experienced my first visual. The supermarket loomed ahead of, innocent and unobtrusive. After closer observation, I noticed colorful rainbow halos around each light fixture. I looked at J and grinned, ecstatic. He smiled back knowingly, an experienced fryfrog himself, despite his sobriety this autumn evening.
Some walking, some talking. Everything had become extremely absurd, and I spent most of this time laughing or grinning, completely amused to be alive and where I was. Nothing particularly interesting was going on, just a cloudy night, a few people wandering about and a bar open, playing music in the distance. I found that people didn't make me anxious. On the contrary, I was very much fascinated by them. I felt that I had a great secret, and they could never know it, and would never know it. Every time someone would walk by, I would giggle madly, and smile at J. The night was electric, and I was starting to feel quite energetic by the time we got to McDonalds, about thirty minutes since threshold effects were observed. I needed to use the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom, and the walls had afterimages of the tiles projected in front of them, like the tiles had a film of identical but transparent material layered on top of them, in a strange and beautiful aura. Everything in the bathroom was extraordinarily bright. I used the bathroom without any embarrassing incidents, or anything like that. on my way out, a man walked in to use the bathroom, old and doddering. He glanced at me, and I grinned wildly. I couldn't resist. He was just so damn funny, and -he would never know why I was so happy-. I walked out, and J was there, waiting patiently. I greeted him enthusiastically, still riding the euphoria and humour of the experience. We continued on our journey.
We reach Cs house, and at this point I'm sure J was mildly annoyed; I had been talking non-stop for the entire forty minute walk from McDonalds, almost without any kind of transition or organization. Just instant stream-of-consciousness verbal regurgitation of everything I thought. I mentioned people he'd never met, places he'd never been, and things that were either irrelevant or long forgotten between us. It had begun to sprinkle and the raindrops on my neck an electric tingle, and it felt beautiful and interesting. I savored this feeling even in my rambling. I would often cycle between certain recurring statements in the middle of my monologues.
"Hey J, remember when you listened to Insane Clown Posse when we were young? That was embarrassing. Your girlfriend sucks, sorry. I don't mean to be so mean WOW ITS RAINING and my phone is going to die and man your girlfriend really sucks"
I can only thank J for his patience. His girlfriend really did suck, and he agreed, but I was fairly out of line, in that I may have repeated that 20 times altogether.
We finally arrive at C's house, and things are really in swing. My memory from this point is not as precise, as things had begun to slide around in a funny way, temporally. I remember most vividly sitting on the couch. C had this butterfly pillow, and I looked at it,and not only did it appear to be an enormous, fully alive butterfly, but it was sitting next to me fluttering it's wings gently, benevolent and kind. I looked to J to inform him of this beautiful thing, and was almost overwhelmed by the shimmering, colorful walls. Greens and blues mostly, flashes of red. Not so much the wall being those colors but those colors moving -through- the wall, iridescent and meaningful to me at the time. When I finally realized that I had set out to tell J something, I was even more shocked to find that he was melting! This was hilarious, and I spent an obnoxious amount of time just staring and laughing at him, wobbling and dripping about. He seemed to be apart of the colorful walls in a weird way, but was not getting any of the colors from the wall. At this point C had let some cats in, and they crawled upstairs and began running around the room. I was in awe. Cats were so lithe, so fast and they were moving almost without moving, it seemed. I was shocked at how graceful they were, and every step seemed to be filled with intend and purpose.
The next thing I remember, unfortunately, would be the not-so-positive part of the experience.
I remember a sense of 'waking up', though to my knowledge, I had not slept at all. I looked around me, and saw nothing. Black, a void. I will refer to it from this point on as The Void, because I still even to this moment cannot shake the sense that it was a place inside of me that will always be there, and is probably inside of everyone. The darkness where your fears go, your thoughts you shunt aside, the quiet sense that things weren't always so peaceful, and at some points in your life things had happened that you don't want to remember. The darkness. The Void.
I was panicked, horrified, for a moment. I was confused and my thoughts roiled in and out of themselves. I was receiving no sensory input, nothing. I did not even sense my body, I was simply a consciousness floating in the dark, moving through time and space separate from a body in a dead universe. I began to calm down, and I started questioning my location. At first, this didn't do anything but frustrate me, but then I started picking up little flashes of light and color -from inside the darkness-. I was not, as I thought for a moment, breaking out of the void, but seeing things. Little flashes of memories. I was fascinated but confused by these little fragments of life withing The Void, so I reached out with my mind. As I hit it, I had a very vivid reliving of an old memory with my mother, very bad. My mom had raised me while going through a meth-addiction coupled with schizophrenia, and she would get mildly violent. One moment, I was horrified. The next, I felt a swelling determination to deal with it. I asserted my control over the memory, and embraced it. I absorbed into myself, and moved on. I went through several of these memories, one by one and I assimilated them all into myself, feeling more and more powerful and alive as this went on. After a short time, I found myself in the void again, and I thought "I can get out of this. I just dealt with my whole life, I can control this" and I just... felt myself breathe. I focused on that, my new ability to feel my lungs, and slowly perception bubbled outwards. I found myself in something J and I refer to as 'the man cave', a little hangout building that used to be a dog kennel J converted into a neat little chill pad. I was confused, but determined to find J, who I presume had led me down there. I went upstairs, and found J in his room. I gave him a long hug. He informed me that I had terrified him. I'm been acting almost psychotic, going back and forth from muttering and yelling to silence, saying lots of names and telling him to fuck off, and then telling him I loved him and was sorry. I apologized, and said "Don't worry about it. I'm okay now, just shroomin'" and I walked into the bathroom. I stood there for a moment, and promptly took off my clothes and just stared at myself in the mirror. I stared long and hard, not so much at myself but at my life. I thought of each passing moment that I'd wasted, and I thought of every person I'd helped or hurt. This went on for a long, long time.I don't really know how long, but it felt like an hour or so (meaningless because of the time dilation I had been experiencing previously). I put my clothes back on, and walked into the living room. I hugged Jonce more, and we had a laugh at how ridiculous I was. I was feeling great. I felt like I had put a huge part of my life behind me, and dealt with the parts of my past that I had always tried to forget about, or just ignore. I felt like I could turn everything around and make every minute from that point useful. I felt fucking awesome. I walked home almost skipping, totally overjoyed. I was not the least bit shaken by The Void, and, surprisingly, felt grateful for that experience into my own mind. I went home and slept the best sleep I'd slept in months.
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