Mushrooms - experienced - Psychedelia gone wrong...or did it?

[EpicureanDream]

Psychedelia gone wrong - Or did it?

Bad Trip
Last night I experienced the worst feeling possible. It wasn't white or black or even grey. I doubt you can understand this feeling until you have experienced it. Here is the story and a little history.

I ingested 30g of fresh psilocybe cubensis (magic mushrooms) with my beloved Francesca .A ritual that I am very accustomed to now after countless 'shroom trips. Cut the 'shrooms in half, place them between my teeth and down them with water. I hate the taste of mushrooms.

Why do I do mushrooms? Mushrooms give you a different perspective on life, existence, reality, people, society - everything. With mushrooms you experience and see things that language can not accurately describe unless you have experienced it yourself. I have gained so much knowledge from mushrooms, so much insight. Well this not 100% the case, the 'shrooms let you see the answers but not touch them, feel them. To truly find the answers you need to do it with a clear consciousness.

This is my most recent and life-changing experience:
While I was peaking, I felt I gained access to all knowledge. I believed (I think I might still do) that every human and animal shared a common soul and mind. There were no individual minds and souls. What makes us different is our reflection on the physical world and our brain (your brain is not your mind, just another organ). To live you need soul/mind. Soul/mind is a pure energy, not tainted by the physical world. The soul/mind exists on a different dimension - you can not see, feel, hear, smell, taste soul - you can only experience it.

We all use a certain amount of this common soul, but it is always connected to the main source. When i felt I gained access to all knowledge, I felt like I entered the main pool of the common soul. From this main pool I could access all conscious beings, all knowledge. All knowledge except one thing - why? I hate this question, why. You can never answer the question why. If you reply to the question why, you can always be asked it again. Why do we exist? Why does reality and existence exist? I could not answer this one question. I yearned to know but I couldn't.

I felt useless, worthless, pathetic. After losing that power and being so close, I felt completely empty. I was not a crusader of consciousness anymore, just an animal again. I could not be happy and I could never be happy I thought. I thought the only way I will find out the question 'why' is to experience the world without existence and reality. If I experienced the world without existence or reality I would finally know what purpose it has. I wanted to die. I didn't want to die quickly. I wanted to experience having the soul ripped from my body, slowly and painfully. I could not feel pain though, nor could I feel pleasure. I was empty. I wasn't black, white or grey. I hated myself so much. I broke down into tears. The only time I have cried since primary school was when I had to comfort my brothers about the death of my step-dad.

I am writing this entry a week and a bit after. I am having trouble deciphering the truth from the drugs. This experience was what hell would feel like but I am glad I experienced it. This has pushed me to the border of sanity but I think I will be alright. I have never learned so much in one night.

No more psychedelics for a long while!

PS. Has anyone else noticed Mario eats amanita Muscaria?

 

[sexyanon]

I've heard of that before. Once you reach that state of connection to everything, the drop is terrible.

A lot of other people had that experience of being connected to everything else. For instance, some woman thought she was a reptile and said some random fact (true) about it like it's right eye turned green in mating season when she had no info about reptiles at all.

Nice report nonetheless.

 

[punktuality]

ah the ultimate question............WHY?

I have found myself on many psychadelic adventures asking the same question, but I cam to a more rewarding conclusion.

There is no answer............. but does that have to be a bad thing?

We are so pre-programmed as humans to be rewarded when we find answers. Unfortunately there is no meaning of life... it has no answer.

But I find this a good thing. If there was an answer would you feel fullfilled? would you have anything left to live for? Perhaps an answer would be proof of fate and proof that we really have no choice in the world.

But there is NO answer............ and this lack of answer makes fate redundant. The world is yours to do WHATEVER you want. Isn't that more rewarding an option than knowing the "answer" ???

 

[Psilo707]

The question of "Why" is always the strongest when dealing with Mushrooms, much more so than any other drug in my opinion. Sometimes I will get close to answering the question of "why" on LSD, or even extremely high doses of thc. But shrooms.... ahhh shrooms... while they give you the answers in a way, they ultimately make you even more confused in the end about those specific answers.

Nice report, & hope you dont suffer any negative mental thoughts because of this trip. Youll be fine though.

 

[Mean Girl]

I don't think "psychedelia went wrong" at all. It was a bad trip, but it didn't "go wrong". It was how it was meant to be, and you've recognised that you can learn from it, is that not a successful trip? Sounds to me like it's leading to internal revolution.

But for posterity, I have trouble agreeing with the statement of "You can never know WHY". I doubt it's a "can never" matter so much as a "You don't know WHY yet for a reason". Never is too final, and unprovable in this case.

Ah how the mind boggles with potential tangents here. I'm just going to edit your title a little bit to let our skim readers know what this is all about and keeping in line with Forum Guidelines

Oh, and welcome to Bluelight! :D

 

[Jimmy the Gun]

nothing-needs-something
they don't/can exist otherwise