Molybdenum
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2003
- Messages
- 542
Note: There is a sober (well, next day fuzzy anway 
) retrospective/summary/closure at the end of the report. I've left the text below verbatim in an attempt to capture the tripping mindset and how it varies from sobriety.
That's right, live from san diego on saturday night, it's a trip report! I'll update every couple of hours so I don't lose what I've already written. Caution: This looks like it is going to be the longest trip report EVER. Also, from 3 hours out, I can report that it seems to wind up getting totally incoherent. Also, it is written entirely while tripping. But of course it is still going to be the BEST trip report ever, so you’re going to read it, right? Good!
Set: Feeling pretty good… had weird flashes of nostalgia earlier in the day. Feeling very buoyant considering I was up late last night smoking lots o weed; usually now I’m curled up into a sleepy ball. Had a sudden impulse to trip for the first time in 2 months and it felt like the exact right thing to do so here I am. Relieved that all my friends all feel like doing their own thang tonight. Happy the Yankees just had the best ALCS offensive game ever. Let’s hope the red sox aren’t being set up for the comeback of a century. Looking for a fun, fairly mellow night with some insights, some pretty shit, and some generally good times. I know I am sitting on a few powder kegs emotionally, but I’ve already cried my way through a few others so what would one more hurt?
Setting: My room in my condo. My condomate is pretty anti-drug, but he tends to keep to himself, I know his schedule pretty well now, and he never ever bothers me in my room, especially at night. I’m also very good at faking sobriety around him, and generally on shrooms, so I can’t say I’m particularly anxious. Supposed to be the first rain in about 6 months tonight, and I definitely hope to go outside.
Plans: None really. Go outside and look at shit after my roommate goes to sleep. Finish cleaning my room on the comeup after writing this. Listen to music, maybe watch some poker online or read about the election, which are little reading hobbies I’ve developed. Hopefully some personal insights, but these wouldn’t necessarily be a huge deal relative to other nights since I’ve been getting steady insights thanks to a heavy diet of meditation lately.
Dosage: Don’t know exactly. 5/8 of a “3 gram” chocolate where 3/8 produced modestly trippy +1.5 or so effects with a lot of weed and good live music at a concert 6 months ago. I would guess about 1.5-2g based on my other 10 or so experiences with purported amounts of shrooms. (Update as of 11:11: About 3 grams total, I redosed)
9:30: Munch up the shrooms while watching the final outs
+10: Type up the start of this report like the verbose fucker I am. Not quite sober, definitely wouldn’t have gone on *that* long otherwise and in retrospect I notice some unusual grammatical patterns. Watch this report turn out totally top heavy, as the parts with the most interesting effects get condensed to a few sentences… “uh, I was peaking… uh, it was awesome.” I hate when that happens.
+15: Water run, laundry folding. Feel a little looser.
+20: Well, everything is squared away. Feeling warm but that’s about it. Don’t think this will be an incredibly hard trip – when I’ve been really gone I’ve been incoherent by this point – at least conversation would be hard. Things starting to get a little “foggy” as they often do. Hoping that I won’t get stuck at +1. Well, I’m sure I’ll go higher.
+ 30: Movement in the corner of my eyes looks a little weird… or is it just that I’m paying attention to it when I would usually block it out? Having insights about being a good person… but I’ve often had those sober lately. Just a little more often and without having to willfully start self-introspecting.
+ 45: Said fuck it and snuck out to the car to smoke up. Managed to lock my keys in the car. Luckily I tend to be rather forgetful so I have backup keys for everything. Will have to get keys later. Right now this feels like a mellow version of a strong “first time back” stone, with the CEV you’d expect.
+50: Realize that a guy who recently started hanging out in one of my social circles is a really cool dude (no, not in that way, jackasses) and I’ve been kind of apathetic about hanging out with him. Now that I’m out of weed and the stoner circle is kind of broken, I should start getting out more. Especially since the last few months I’ve started to get over my lifelong, crippling social fear. It’s amazing the difference it makes… people just start gravitating to you in ways I never would have believed. And you can see exactly why every conversation you had before was kind of awkward. This meditation shit is good for business as well as pleasure.
:55: The first peak in the 6/14/00 Twist Around is totally f’n sick. Some of the best guitar work I’ve heard. Man I wish I could see phish live again. Tell you what, if they come back in 2006, you owe me a dollar.
:60 Honestly, I’m pretty sure I know about how high this is going to go even though according to most faqs I’m still about half an hour off peak. Tempted to redose but will pass as I have errands to do tomorrow.
:65 Roommate is home and getting water, I think. He was working and will probably go to bed. Friend called but I’m afraid to even be talking right now on the off chance he’ll hear me and open the door. I feel more like a seven year old pulling a prank on his parents than genuinely scared though.
:66 Ah the sweet sweet sound of my roommate closing his door a second time to make sure it’s totally closed. Means he almost certainly is done for the night. Glad I could share that with all of you.
:67 Things look more “interesting,” like they kind of want to start moving but can’t quite get it done at this dose. Does all this smack talking about dosages mean I’m about to get my ass handed to me? It usually does, I’ve noticed, in life as well as tripping. Well, I sure hope so. I want to stop typing and go do stuff to see if the trip “kicks in,” but feel kind of meh about it. Every time I trip alone, I feel like I don’t hit the same environmental “triggers” I do in groups, and things kick in subjectively less than they could of. Whoa, there goes a rush. Things are picking up now.
:70 I can get my stucco ceiling to undulate if I stare at it, but I can do that sober too. It’s a lot easier in this suggestive state. Starting to see “mushroom patterning” in the grains on my ceiling.
:72 For me, it is always shrooms activating weed rather than the other way around. I wish I had some more to smoke but now it’s all gone. Guess I could try resin hits.
:73 It’s gotta be annoying listening to me whine about not being high enough. I solemnly swear I will not write more of this gibberish until I’ve stopped being so negative. Having a great time emotionally, by the way.
:75 I realize I have a few more big, difficult steps to take emotionally that will completely redefine how I experience my life. It will take some time to work through those, and I accept that that’s the way it has to be. Until I do, attitudes like the one you just read through will be going on in the background subtly, even though I don’t necessarily feel awful while I’m taking them. Just… a .little disconnected from the full beauty of reality, you know?
:72 Oops, getting off time there. This time is accurate. Slid off that peak I was on a little. Seem to get very high when I focus on my breathing and do yogic breath inhales so I am going to go blast myself for a few minutes. Seriously, you should all take a few minutes and learn to breath deeply with your abdomen. It’s the best possible way to trip boost.
:75 Realize that I have purposefully been forcing myself down to avoid dealing with aforementioned powder kegs. Which of course I knew I would have to do pretty soon. I’m feeling very sad in a cathartic kind of way. I feel like I’m kind of wasting the trip dealing with this stuff, since I could work it out sober tomorrow, and probably faster too. But it’s holding the trip back. Getting hot again – energy movement makes the room heat up for some reason. Say hello to Mr. Fan.
:90 Ok, so the previous 2 times were also off. This time I actually have the time right, though. Calloo, callay, what a glorious day. Feeling some energetic push in the brow chakra – running into restriction. Wonder what that is.
11:11: That was my sign (excuse?), I was looking right at the mushrooms when I saw the time, I’m redosing dammit. I would rather have 1 big experience than another experience at this level. Feeling really good too. Remember hearing that these chocolates are weak. They’re spicy! What the fuck? Chocolate was a bit powdery – perhaps it’s gone bad? Eh, doubt I’ll get sick. Never heard of a bad chocolate killing someone. Well by the time I noticed the taste they were halfway down my throat so I can’t do much about it anyway.
100: Just kind of drifting. I notice now that the urge to focus is less, and I am less able to focus when I try anyway.
110: Time seems to have sped up. Just posted the first update on bluelight. Stomach hurts a little, but I think it’s just the chocolate (I don’t handle chocolate well at any time.) Not going to be sick, knock on wood.
120: Noodled around on the guitar and got sweaty enough to stop. Not good enough yet to just play without working on my hand positions, so it isn’t that much fun. I’ll get there.
120: Reread my trip report and felt oddly satisfied (that’s right in 0 minutes! Ok so I’m getting a little loose with the time.) Ya know this is the first report I’ve ever written up though I’ve read pretty much every report on erowid and bluelight and have had many experiences. I think that says something. Probably that I’m more willing to get social, to put myself out there. Or maybe that tripping has gotten passé enough that the most interesting thing I keep coming back to is writing, completely ignoring the rest of the trip for the sheer joy of typing to you lucky readers. At least for now. Like most things in life, it’s probably a little from column A and a little from column B.
125: Take absurd pleasure in going back and correcting small typos in the intro, rephrasing things so they flow better. You know, I’ve always enjoyed writing, but only nonfiction (ditto for reading nonfiction). So there’s never been a really profitable career path for me since I don’t want to be a journalist. I feel like I should try to make something out of my writing. Right now I am working a job helping autistic children, and while it’s great I just don’t think I can do it the rest of my life. It will probably be worth it to finish out the program I’m in, though – I need to develop myself more as a person before I can put myself out there in a way that will really be beneficial to people. Apologies to those for whom this is turning into a diary entry – perhaps it can serve as more of a log of the changes mushrooms make in the way people think. Also, don’t know how much I should invest in the above since the last time I tripped I thought I should become a painter. Course that was less based on what I actually enjoy than this is. Or so it seems to me right now.
128. Whoa, the screen just wiggled. People we are taking off. I feel so euphoric – I’ve never felt this out and out GOOD on shrooms. Either it was an informative ego battle or a mystical experience at a concert. This is the most lucid and good I’ve felt in a long time. Insight: this is the first time I’ve taken drugs and haven’t expected them to *do* anything for me, show me anything, permanently change my life in some way. I have always found I have subtle expectations which are disappointed (see around :50 for a good example, only weaker). Lately I have realized that every day subtly changes the way we are permanently, but no day can have a huge impact. Accepting both of these facts is the key to making progress.
:137 That was a difficult subtraction to figure out the time. Why I’m still so anal about it despite being so out of it I have no clue. Now this is where I was looking to get to tonight. Yee ha! Anytime I’m writing, I come down somewhat. Let go and I go up. Highly convenient. Shrooms is good strong medicine. Never felt that way about acid, to be honest, just kind of chemical and random though you could still have the best experiences ever on it. Anyone else feel the same? PS – little fluffy clouds is an oldy but a goody to listen to and feel good tripping.
:146 Lots of mushroom buzzing. Random thought: the last month is the first time in my life I’ve felt good about being single, which is a good thing.
:150 Feel compelled to share: About 3 years ago I had some absolutely shattering experiences with pot (still my Drug Of Choice) where I was able to see the future. So far everything has come true, including travel disruptions I had due to 9/11 (which I also saw edges of but pretended was just me playing games with myself). This includes some personal stuff that is quite cheery, but also some real, extremely downer things (you have been warned):
1. Phish comes back in 2006 because a band member is sick. I think it’s mike. Yeah. I still tear up at the thought. Which is nothing compared to…
2. A loose nuclear missle hits the midatlantic region of the eastern seaboard in 2010. April, August? It is a necessary adjustment to the global consciousness so the whole 2012 shizzle can proceed.
Anyway, I still don’t know if I quite believe this stuff myself, but I thought I’d put it out there – hopefully you all won’t treat me like a lunatic – I haven’t had any of this “future sight” since then – I feel like the pot temporarily damaged something so I was seeing snippets from other moments in time rather than the present moments we’re supposed to see.
Wow, it feels really good to put that out there. Like a weight has been lifted. You guys are my own personal therapy session, lucky you. Those of you who are saying to yourselves, “wow, that just took a bizarre turn,” well you knew what you were getting into on the trip reports forum, right? Anyway, feeling EXTREMELY GOOD right now. Absurdly good given the above heaviness. Or is it craziness? After 3 years of having it linger in your subconscious, you get used to it and it doesn’t affect you emotionally to think or write about it, you know? Well this won’t be the last update, so all 0 of you who are reading this live right now just hold onto your helmets!
Yawn, yawn, yawn. Leaving orbit. The Orb is a great thing to have in the background here. What pretty pretty spaces. So glad I put this on, always, as my friends would say, a good call.
12:11 As you can see time has less relevance now. Can’t be arsed to subtract. Another thing – I constantly see 11:11, but also 9:11. Yeah, I know, law of averages, etc. But I see 9:11 in particular almost every fucking day, AM and PM. Treat it as a reminder to pay attention to the present moment, to cherish it, because you never know… Ok, so that got a little sappy right there. I was going to undercut that statement more, but you know what, there’s nothing wrong with a little sap at times. So happy I am tearing up.
12:15: I spent 5 minutes thinking intensely to come up with the conclusion that shrooms are different than pot. WOW, mindblowing. Heh heh heh.
I guess I’ve realized that I’m basically done with pot earlier this evening. In the past, it was always a love/hate thing – didn’t like the fact that there are at least 2 days of subtle aftereffects, didn’t consistently have insights and make self-progress without it. Always would tell myself “I’m quitting,” but internally know it was wrong to stop at the time and go back prematurely. Now I’m close to all healed up and I’ve stopped getting insights while stoned. From here on in progress will have to be made while sober. And of course on shrooms , but despite the gushing out that has happened here I feel like this is actually less productive than the average sober evening. Well no it’s not. Well, I dunno. It’s only because I’m tripping so hard that I wrote out that internal conflict.
Pwa! I keep going back and editing my intro.
You know tripping has gotten much happier and less scary as I’ve worked out my own demons. (Another one of those profound/totally obvious moments, TM Molybdenum.)
More detail about why this time weed is done – because I felt towards it kind of like you do when you’ve finally lost interest in someone, that is we’ll be friends, we’ll hang out from time to time and it’ll be great, but I’ve learned what I can from this and I’m moving on. So I’ll still smoke from time to time, less often, but I think it will assume a dimished role in my internal life – for quite a while I had been approaching smoking almost religiously.
12:25 just sitting here feeling really really fucking good. I love it when trips go this way.
Tripping effortlessly, just below a dose where the ego is going to get totally flattened and go into freakout mode, lotsa life insights just pumping on out. I seriously haven’t felt this good… hmm, well maybe ever. I’ve tripped harder, but I wasn’t in nearly the same comfortable place in life, really starting to open up. I should continue visiting shrooms, just not very often.
One thing that’s hard to explain to those who’ve never tripped is how the visuals are there, but they are clearly fireworks to enjoy and not the meat of the trip. Can you quantify the meat of tripping, in English? Now there is a zen koan for you.
12:33 Just giggling at everything. Existence. Everything. What a trip it is, to experience life, to have a physical body. You know, we are the infinite energy of the universe… timeless, ageless, no boundaries… and I think incarnating in physical bodies with limits like time and space is one of the most interesting, diverse, complex things that’s been done yet. And things will never end, because ultimately time and space are limitations of our conceptual minds… an infinity of experiences stretches before us, forever and ever, always different. Everything is perfectly as it is and always has been and always will be. But words fall completely short at describing reality in its perfection. All art aspires to break us out of shells, but can it truly show us reality? Only reality itself is up to the task. Wow, Back Side of the Moon (The ORB) is making me trip really hard. Listen to that static at the end. Fucking wow. I never realized how ri – goddamn – dicously good this album is.
12:41 Feeling good, but feeling like I need to change something (not in my life, more specific.) Music, lighting? Not sure. Not time to go outside yet – would be completely unable to handle roommate or anyone for that matter. Noticed a little step down from the level I was at just a little while ago. Right on the 90 minute mark, how about that. But there’s still hours to go. One thing about the orb, the double album is too long to listen to all the way through for spacey ambiences, concept be damned. Was thinking of switching to grateful dead… eh what the hell I’ll stick with this. Isn’t the concept of this thing that you blast off into space and travel until you fight and defeat “the orb,” some evil core? Heh, maybe I’ll stick with this album. Not something you listen to over and over again, though. Kinda like floyd… ah maybe I should go ahead and be the total stereotypical tripper and finish li
Why am I asking you these questions and expecting you to immediately answer them, o anonymous bluelight audience? Why am I telling you every single inane thought that is running through my head? Why am I exposing you to this level of dementia? Did any of you survive the last paragraph? If so, I give you kudos. We have gotten very stream-of-consciousness around these parts, I have noticed. Little ego control… feel like someone else is writing and I’m paying no attention to it and every once in a while I notice I’m still writing and I’m surprised because I haven’t been thinking about it, you know?
Ok, I’m tripping really hard. Yee haa. Excellent. I will just shut up for a few minutes now and stop externalizing everything by typing it. Yessirree.
I also love “Perpetual Dawn.” Going to crank it and enjoy it.
Damn I like thinking about stuff. I do it all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I should do less of it. Maybe I would enjoy stuff more. But I also enjoy thinking a whole hell of a lot.
I have a feeling the next hour of so of this is going to be totally incoherent. Mwa ha ha. Not like the last half hour or so wasn’t also incoherent.
Why is so hard to remember how GOOD tripping feels the next day? Seem to have stepped it back up. Hope we have a few hours of waves of peak. Suddenly feel less compelled to type. Can’t tell if I’m up or down, coming or going. Feel completely at home though.
Ooh, things are getting scary in the music. Doesn’t exactly strike me to the core, though, you know? Am I supposed to laugh at the “enormous cloud the size of the earth?” The announcer sounds like a total dork. I realize how incoherent this has gotten. Sorry about that. Ooh, I actually did feel kind of bad as I wrote the last sentence. Well, if you’re going to have a Wagnerian style soap opera in your music, this is pretty good. You don’t get at the artist’s genuine emotions, though, you know? I don’t feel like I have any idea what these guys are like after listening to this. Whereas, say, the grateful dead or radiohead or phish, you have a pretty good clue and that’s what makes them so good – that they’re so honest and just put themselves out there. With electronic music the temptation to hide yourself is just so strong, but with something like guitar you simply can’t.
You know, you never really come down from tripping, do you? Once those doors start opening, you can’t ever close them again… you can pretend but on some level you know you’re just pretending, seeing only part of reality. The challenge is to integrate it so that tripping experience and sober experience are consonant in their beauty, so you don’t need that extra energy to get there anymore, reality simply *is*. It’s kind of frustrating that it takes years to walk that path, but it is kind of interesting to enjoy the lumps of having an ego too.
Definitely a little hungry, but don’t want to eat. Don’t want to wind up with a headache, though – definitely noticing the energetic push of these shrooms right now.
How bout I run this by you – a conversation a lot of tripping friends (and former AD&D players) had. Pot is chaotic good. Shrooms are neutral good. LSD is chaotic neutral. AMT is chaotic evil. Bleh, I will never do that shit again. Anyone else agree? I guess alcohol is chaotic neutral as well… never has much of a push to it one way or the other if you ask me just makes things wilder. It was quite an insight at the time to realize that personally I only like “good” drugs, but that’s just a personal preference… other people are totally different in terms of what kind of experiences they want to be having right now.
Most people have no fucking clue. About anything. About the whole game. As a species we are still quite asleep, but we will start to wake up in the next twenty or thirty years. We will take the first steps into clumsy adolescence. It’s time. It will be an amazing time to be alive.
You know what I bet? I bet that this won’t make any sense to those of you who are sober, including me tomorrow. Oh, it will be relatively coherent, but it will all seem a bunch of gibberish. Hopefully amusing gibberish. I’m laughing as I reread what I was writing earlier, anyway.
I am pretty far gone at the moment but I am still managing to update. Sometimes I amaze even myself
This has to already officially be a record for the longest internet trip report ever written, and I want to dedicate it to the NY Yankees offense, especially Hideki Matsui and Gary Sheffield. Shout out!
1:28: It’s been a long time since I noticed what time it is. You know, it seems like the main thing I’ve enjoyed doing this trip is writing. With some good tunes of course. Is that kind of an ego self-defense mechanism? I think it is. At the same time, I feel like I’m already in a land where there isn’t much left defending itself.
I hope I don’t wind up feeling cracked out the next day. I think I’m right on the border of putting some heavy strain on my (energetic) body. Feeling ever so slightly overstimulated… which is I guess how I wind up feeling towards the end of a trip. Little bit of nystagmus going too. Glad I didn’t smoke more or I’d be feeling pretty bad right now from starting to come off the pot…
Tonight, redosing actually WAS the Best. Idea. Ever. For probably the first time ever.
I hate trying to describe tripping to people… everything looks really fucking cool and everything feels really fucking cool and everything is more real than sobriety in ways you don’t appreciate unless you’ve tried it. It doesn’t take you away from reality to a magical world so much as it firmly plants you in the world and makes you face it. Hmm, I’m running out of new material here. I think I already wrote that above.
Every time I trip, I just can’t believe that it’s illegal – it’s just so innocuous and helpful and good if you take the time to research it and do it for the right reasons.
Noticing the vibrating energy that had been picking me up so high, which means I’m officially starting to come down. Feels pretty good to come down a bit too. I don’t have social engagements tomorrow, but I have work to do and I don’t want to be totally burned out. This will be a lot to integrate even though it felt effortless to write that. Also, I seem to be less incoherent now.
1:49 Just sitting here feeling good, really warm and fulfilled. The music has stopped and I’m not sure another album is just the thing, but I’m not sure what else is either. Time to eat a snack and get some water. Yes indeedy. I wonder how much the trip will start back up again if I put on some more music. I’m overheating and I feel stiff. You definitely pay a price for tripping, and you shouldn’t do it too often.
I’m getting a little tired of being up and hope I will be down enough to sleep in an hour or two. Thank goodness this isn’t LSD.
2:06 Did I really get a lot out of this trip? Did I really learn anything I don’t already know, sober? Does it matter? It was fun. At the same time that the trip shows us the beauty of the void, it also shows us the pure aimlessness and meaninglessness of it. I think it’s time for some Muse… (I spend some time dithering and then decide to put on a dead show).
Anal sex really isn’t very good for people, is it?
(Didn’t see that one coming, did you?)
But seriously, I’m feeling pretty much back to being myself. A bit too stimulated, but I’m going to drink some milk, try to ground out a bit of the energy. All ego loss portions of the trip have been concluding and I’m now being bizarre for my own personal amusement as opposed to before, where “I” really had no idea what was going on and was aloft on the psychic maelstrom. It’s 2:24, and it’s time to spend the next couple hours meaningfully integrating everything, well as much as I can anyway, which means I need to stop typing and go spend time elsewhere. You’ve been a wonderful audience, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you and good night!
3:46 This is the one thing that annoys me about tripping - it's just a little too long. I don't feel -bad-, but it would be nice to be able to go to bed pretty soon. Still a little bit of double imaging and subtle hints of greens, oranges, and purples around things. Those seem to be the shroom colors for me. Well that's what prOn is good for anyway...
In some ways this trip was a waste, I spent it in my room writing and listening to music. I can't say I gained any personal insight that I wouldn't have just sitting around and thinking about my life sober for a few hours. At the same time I also touched the infinite in about the most comfortable, positive way. And honestly, who is entertained enough to sit around and introspect usefully for hours on end unless under the influence of a substance?
The trip was intellectually kind of boring - I don't know that I really need to come back here again soon. Not that I can anyway since I'm completely out of illegal substances as of this moment. I realized that I don't want to get the work done sober that I need to get done, but what else is new? I need to take care of business in my day to day life, and how.
Rereading this was good - I noticed what a self-absorbed little fucker I can still be at times, which probably made for some pretty boring reading for any unfortunate who happened to stumble across this. I'm also kind of disappointed - the middle of the report was pretty incoherent and not nearly as funny as I was hoping would be. I seriously doubt anyone will make it through the middle of the report, and I don't blame them. I guess I did learn that shrooms make me run on and on and on at the mouth. Usually I'm tripping with other people and I think writing kind of served as a surrogate social outlet.
Damn, this seems like kind of a downer compared to earlier, but I'm just trying to be honest. Shows you the kind of emotional wringer tripping can put you through.
^^^ and rereading THAT points out some residual self-abusive tendencies I have. Well isn't that interesting.
4:07 It finally rained for the first time in half a year, the record drought has broken and I was awake to see it! Cool in a sort of historical sense. I went outside but it was just rainy and dark. Things were cool but the outside has always been cool since I noticed it the first time I tripped (that sounds dumb but you all know what I mean)
Retrospective to add some closure/perspective: 6 PM the next day
Well, I'm more or less back to normal. My head felt kind of cottony today, but not worse than when I smoke a lot of weed and stay up late. Felt more motivated but less interested in focusing on anything than the day after smoking marijuana. Managing to get my work done, perhaps at a slower rate than usual.
I don't know what to make of this trip exactly. It was one of the most uniformly positive experiences I've had, the visuals were fun and of course the music enhancement was great (although I clearly did a lot of typing on autopilot the central activities of the trip were listening to music on my ipod, floating, and just *being*.) Although I touched the infinite experientially, I've been there before and I don't think there's anything to be gained by flying there again, only by walking there sober. Especially since it's pretty hard to remember once you come down.
In retrospect I DO feel a bit embarassed, but I wonder if that's largely because I spent more than an hour of the trip working on something that was explicitly against forum guidelines. I certainly see tonal/emotional elements of the report that would make me guess the writer is fairly irritating and self-absorbed in person, even though I don't think I'm so bad about that in real life nowadays. In particular there seems to be a strong urge to entertain people to prove my worth, as well as a bit of a superiority complex about my insights. There's a lot of negative emotional background static in my day-to-day life, and that readily surfaced under the shrooms. Not that most people don't have a lot, perhaps even more than me; after all many people wouldn't have a particularly good time at high dosages of drugs.
I may do an update later if anything else interesting falls out, but I doubt it.
) retrospective/summary/closure at the end of the report. I've left the text below verbatim in an attempt to capture the tripping mindset and how it varies from sobriety.That's right, live from san diego on saturday night, it's a trip report! I'll update every couple of hours so I don't lose what I've already written. Caution: This looks like it is going to be the longest trip report EVER. Also, from 3 hours out, I can report that it seems to wind up getting totally incoherent. Also, it is written entirely while tripping. But of course it is still going to be the BEST trip report ever, so you’re going to read it, right? Good!
Set: Feeling pretty good… had weird flashes of nostalgia earlier in the day. Feeling very buoyant considering I was up late last night smoking lots o weed; usually now I’m curled up into a sleepy ball. Had a sudden impulse to trip for the first time in 2 months and it felt like the exact right thing to do so here I am. Relieved that all my friends all feel like doing their own thang tonight. Happy the Yankees just had the best ALCS offensive game ever. Let’s hope the red sox aren’t being set up for the comeback of a century. Looking for a fun, fairly mellow night with some insights, some pretty shit, and some generally good times. I know I am sitting on a few powder kegs emotionally, but I’ve already cried my way through a few others so what would one more hurt?
Setting: My room in my condo. My condomate is pretty anti-drug, but he tends to keep to himself, I know his schedule pretty well now, and he never ever bothers me in my room, especially at night. I’m also very good at faking sobriety around him, and generally on shrooms, so I can’t say I’m particularly anxious. Supposed to be the first rain in about 6 months tonight, and I definitely hope to go outside.
Plans: None really. Go outside and look at shit after my roommate goes to sleep. Finish cleaning my room on the comeup after writing this. Listen to music, maybe watch some poker online or read about the election, which are little reading hobbies I’ve developed. Hopefully some personal insights, but these wouldn’t necessarily be a huge deal relative to other nights since I’ve been getting steady insights thanks to a heavy diet of meditation lately.
Dosage: Don’t know exactly. 5/8 of a “3 gram” chocolate where 3/8 produced modestly trippy +1.5 or so effects with a lot of weed and good live music at a concert 6 months ago. I would guess about 1.5-2g based on my other 10 or so experiences with purported amounts of shrooms. (Update as of 11:11: About 3 grams total, I redosed)
9:30: Munch up the shrooms while watching the final outs
+10: Type up the start of this report like the verbose fucker I am. Not quite sober, definitely wouldn’t have gone on *that* long otherwise and in retrospect I notice some unusual grammatical patterns. Watch this report turn out totally top heavy, as the parts with the most interesting effects get condensed to a few sentences… “uh, I was peaking… uh, it was awesome.” I hate when that happens.
+15: Water run, laundry folding. Feel a little looser.
+20: Well, everything is squared away. Feeling warm but that’s about it. Don’t think this will be an incredibly hard trip – when I’ve been really gone I’ve been incoherent by this point – at least conversation would be hard. Things starting to get a little “foggy” as they often do. Hoping that I won’t get stuck at +1. Well, I’m sure I’ll go higher.
+ 30: Movement in the corner of my eyes looks a little weird… or is it just that I’m paying attention to it when I would usually block it out? Having insights about being a good person… but I’ve often had those sober lately. Just a little more often and without having to willfully start self-introspecting.
+ 45: Said fuck it and snuck out to the car to smoke up. Managed to lock my keys in the car. Luckily I tend to be rather forgetful so I have backup keys for everything. Will have to get keys later. Right now this feels like a mellow version of a strong “first time back” stone, with the CEV you’d expect.
+50: Realize that a guy who recently started hanging out in one of my social circles is a really cool dude (no, not in that way, jackasses) and I’ve been kind of apathetic about hanging out with him. Now that I’m out of weed and the stoner circle is kind of broken, I should start getting out more. Especially since the last few months I’ve started to get over my lifelong, crippling social fear. It’s amazing the difference it makes… people just start gravitating to you in ways I never would have believed. And you can see exactly why every conversation you had before was kind of awkward. This meditation shit is good for business as well as pleasure.
:55: The first peak in the 6/14/00 Twist Around is totally f’n sick. Some of the best guitar work I’ve heard. Man I wish I could see phish live again. Tell you what, if they come back in 2006, you owe me a dollar.
:60 Honestly, I’m pretty sure I know about how high this is going to go even though according to most faqs I’m still about half an hour off peak. Tempted to redose but will pass as I have errands to do tomorrow.
:65 Roommate is home and getting water, I think. He was working and will probably go to bed. Friend called but I’m afraid to even be talking right now on the off chance he’ll hear me and open the door. I feel more like a seven year old pulling a prank on his parents than genuinely scared though.
:66 Ah the sweet sweet sound of my roommate closing his door a second time to make sure it’s totally closed. Means he almost certainly is done for the night. Glad I could share that with all of you.
:67 Things look more “interesting,” like they kind of want to start moving but can’t quite get it done at this dose. Does all this smack talking about dosages mean I’m about to get my ass handed to me? It usually does, I’ve noticed, in life as well as tripping. Well, I sure hope so. I want to stop typing and go do stuff to see if the trip “kicks in,” but feel kind of meh about it. Every time I trip alone, I feel like I don’t hit the same environmental “triggers” I do in groups, and things kick in subjectively less than they could of. Whoa, there goes a rush. Things are picking up now.
:70 I can get my stucco ceiling to undulate if I stare at it, but I can do that sober too. It’s a lot easier in this suggestive state. Starting to see “mushroom patterning” in the grains on my ceiling.
:72 For me, it is always shrooms activating weed rather than the other way around. I wish I had some more to smoke but now it’s all gone. Guess I could try resin hits.
:73 It’s gotta be annoying listening to me whine about not being high enough. I solemnly swear I will not write more of this gibberish until I’ve stopped being so negative. Having a great time emotionally, by the way.
:75 I realize I have a few more big, difficult steps to take emotionally that will completely redefine how I experience my life. It will take some time to work through those, and I accept that that’s the way it has to be. Until I do, attitudes like the one you just read through will be going on in the background subtly, even though I don’t necessarily feel awful while I’m taking them. Just… a .little disconnected from the full beauty of reality, you know?
:72 Oops, getting off time there. This time is accurate. Slid off that peak I was on a little. Seem to get very high when I focus on my breathing and do yogic breath inhales so I am going to go blast myself for a few minutes. Seriously, you should all take a few minutes and learn to breath deeply with your abdomen. It’s the best possible way to trip boost.
:75 Realize that I have purposefully been forcing myself down to avoid dealing with aforementioned powder kegs. Which of course I knew I would have to do pretty soon. I’m feeling very sad in a cathartic kind of way. I feel like I’m kind of wasting the trip dealing with this stuff, since I could work it out sober tomorrow, and probably faster too. But it’s holding the trip back. Getting hot again – energy movement makes the room heat up for some reason. Say hello to Mr. Fan.
:90 Ok, so the previous 2 times were also off. This time I actually have the time right, though. Calloo, callay, what a glorious day. Feeling some energetic push in the brow chakra – running into restriction. Wonder what that is.
11:11: That was my sign (excuse?), I was looking right at the mushrooms when I saw the time, I’m redosing dammit. I would rather have 1 big experience than another experience at this level. Feeling really good too. Remember hearing that these chocolates are weak. They’re spicy! What the fuck? Chocolate was a bit powdery – perhaps it’s gone bad? Eh, doubt I’ll get sick. Never heard of a bad chocolate killing someone. Well by the time I noticed the taste they were halfway down my throat so I can’t do much about it anyway.
100: Just kind of drifting. I notice now that the urge to focus is less, and I am less able to focus when I try anyway.
110: Time seems to have sped up. Just posted the first update on bluelight. Stomach hurts a little, but I think it’s just the chocolate (I don’t handle chocolate well at any time.) Not going to be sick, knock on wood.
120: Noodled around on the guitar and got sweaty enough to stop. Not good enough yet to just play without working on my hand positions, so it isn’t that much fun. I’ll get there.
120: Reread my trip report and felt oddly satisfied (that’s right in 0 minutes! Ok so I’m getting a little loose with the time.) Ya know this is the first report I’ve ever written up though I’ve read pretty much every report on erowid and bluelight and have had many experiences. I think that says something. Probably that I’m more willing to get social, to put myself out there. Or maybe that tripping has gotten passé enough that the most interesting thing I keep coming back to is writing, completely ignoring the rest of the trip for the sheer joy of typing to you lucky readers. At least for now. Like most things in life, it’s probably a little from column A and a little from column B.
125: Take absurd pleasure in going back and correcting small typos in the intro, rephrasing things so they flow better. You know, I’ve always enjoyed writing, but only nonfiction (ditto for reading nonfiction). So there’s never been a really profitable career path for me since I don’t want to be a journalist. I feel like I should try to make something out of my writing. Right now I am working a job helping autistic children, and while it’s great I just don’t think I can do it the rest of my life. It will probably be worth it to finish out the program I’m in, though – I need to develop myself more as a person before I can put myself out there in a way that will really be beneficial to people. Apologies to those for whom this is turning into a diary entry – perhaps it can serve as more of a log of the changes mushrooms make in the way people think. Also, don’t know how much I should invest in the above since the last time I tripped I thought I should become a painter. Course that was less based on what I actually enjoy than this is. Or so it seems to me right now.
128. Whoa, the screen just wiggled. People we are taking off. I feel so euphoric – I’ve never felt this out and out GOOD on shrooms. Either it was an informative ego battle or a mystical experience at a concert. This is the most lucid and good I’ve felt in a long time. Insight: this is the first time I’ve taken drugs and haven’t expected them to *do* anything for me, show me anything, permanently change my life in some way. I have always found I have subtle expectations which are disappointed (see around :50 for a good example, only weaker). Lately I have realized that every day subtly changes the way we are permanently, but no day can have a huge impact. Accepting both of these facts is the key to making progress.
:137 That was a difficult subtraction to figure out the time. Why I’m still so anal about it despite being so out of it I have no clue. Now this is where I was looking to get to tonight. Yee ha! Anytime I’m writing, I come down somewhat. Let go and I go up. Highly convenient. Shrooms is good strong medicine. Never felt that way about acid, to be honest, just kind of chemical and random though you could still have the best experiences ever on it. Anyone else feel the same? PS – little fluffy clouds is an oldy but a goody to listen to and feel good tripping.
:146 Lots of mushroom buzzing. Random thought: the last month is the first time in my life I’ve felt good about being single, which is a good thing.
:150 Feel compelled to share: About 3 years ago I had some absolutely shattering experiences with pot (still my Drug Of Choice) where I was able to see the future. So far everything has come true, including travel disruptions I had due to 9/11 (which I also saw edges of but pretended was just me playing games with myself). This includes some personal stuff that is quite cheery, but also some real, extremely downer things (you have been warned):
1. Phish comes back in 2006 because a band member is sick. I think it’s mike. Yeah. I still tear up at the thought. Which is nothing compared to…
2. A loose nuclear missle hits the midatlantic region of the eastern seaboard in 2010. April, August? It is a necessary adjustment to the global consciousness so the whole 2012 shizzle can proceed.
Anyway, I still don’t know if I quite believe this stuff myself, but I thought I’d put it out there – hopefully you all won’t treat me like a lunatic – I haven’t had any of this “future sight” since then – I feel like the pot temporarily damaged something so I was seeing snippets from other moments in time rather than the present moments we’re supposed to see.
Wow, it feels really good to put that out there. Like a weight has been lifted. You guys are my own personal therapy session, lucky you. Those of you who are saying to yourselves, “wow, that just took a bizarre turn,” well you knew what you were getting into on the trip reports forum, right? Anyway, feeling EXTREMELY GOOD right now. Absurdly good given the above heaviness. Or is it craziness? After 3 years of having it linger in your subconscious, you get used to it and it doesn’t affect you emotionally to think or write about it, you know? Well this won’t be the last update, so all 0 of you who are reading this live right now just hold onto your helmets!
Yawn, yawn, yawn. Leaving orbit. The Orb is a great thing to have in the background here. What pretty pretty spaces. So glad I put this on, always, as my friends would say, a good call.
12:11 As you can see time has less relevance now. Can’t be arsed to subtract. Another thing – I constantly see 11:11, but also 9:11. Yeah, I know, law of averages, etc. But I see 9:11 in particular almost every fucking day, AM and PM. Treat it as a reminder to pay attention to the present moment, to cherish it, because you never know… Ok, so that got a little sappy right there. I was going to undercut that statement more, but you know what, there’s nothing wrong with a little sap at times. So happy I am tearing up.
12:15: I spent 5 minutes thinking intensely to come up with the conclusion that shrooms are different than pot. WOW, mindblowing. Heh heh heh.
I guess I’ve realized that I’m basically done with pot earlier this evening. In the past, it was always a love/hate thing – didn’t like the fact that there are at least 2 days of subtle aftereffects, didn’t consistently have insights and make self-progress without it. Always would tell myself “I’m quitting,” but internally know it was wrong to stop at the time and go back prematurely. Now I’m close to all healed up and I’ve stopped getting insights while stoned. From here on in progress will have to be made while sober. And of course on shrooms , but despite the gushing out that has happened here I feel like this is actually less productive than the average sober evening. Well no it’s not. Well, I dunno. It’s only because I’m tripping so hard that I wrote out that internal conflict.
Pwa! I keep going back and editing my intro.
You know tripping has gotten much happier and less scary as I’ve worked out my own demons. (Another one of those profound/totally obvious moments, TM Molybdenum.)
More detail about why this time weed is done – because I felt towards it kind of like you do when you’ve finally lost interest in someone, that is we’ll be friends, we’ll hang out from time to time and it’ll be great, but I’ve learned what I can from this and I’m moving on. So I’ll still smoke from time to time, less often, but I think it will assume a dimished role in my internal life – for quite a while I had been approaching smoking almost religiously.
12:25 just sitting here feeling really really fucking good. I love it when trips go this way.
Tripping effortlessly, just below a dose where the ego is going to get totally flattened and go into freakout mode, lotsa life insights just pumping on out. I seriously haven’t felt this good… hmm, well maybe ever. I’ve tripped harder, but I wasn’t in nearly the same comfortable place in life, really starting to open up. I should continue visiting shrooms, just not very often.
One thing that’s hard to explain to those who’ve never tripped is how the visuals are there, but they are clearly fireworks to enjoy and not the meat of the trip. Can you quantify the meat of tripping, in English? Now there is a zen koan for you.
12:33 Just giggling at everything. Existence. Everything. What a trip it is, to experience life, to have a physical body. You know, we are the infinite energy of the universe… timeless, ageless, no boundaries… and I think incarnating in physical bodies with limits like time and space is one of the most interesting, diverse, complex things that’s been done yet. And things will never end, because ultimately time and space are limitations of our conceptual minds… an infinity of experiences stretches before us, forever and ever, always different. Everything is perfectly as it is and always has been and always will be. But words fall completely short at describing reality in its perfection. All art aspires to break us out of shells, but can it truly show us reality? Only reality itself is up to the task. Wow, Back Side of the Moon (The ORB) is making me trip really hard. Listen to that static at the end. Fucking wow. I never realized how ri – goddamn – dicously good this album is.
12:41 Feeling good, but feeling like I need to change something (not in my life, more specific.) Music, lighting? Not sure. Not time to go outside yet – would be completely unable to handle roommate or anyone for that matter. Noticed a little step down from the level I was at just a little while ago. Right on the 90 minute mark, how about that. But there’s still hours to go. One thing about the orb, the double album is too long to listen to all the way through for spacey ambiences, concept be damned. Was thinking of switching to grateful dead… eh what the hell I’ll stick with this. Isn’t the concept of this thing that you blast off into space and travel until you fight and defeat “the orb,” some evil core? Heh, maybe I’ll stick with this album. Not something you listen to over and over again, though. Kinda like floyd… ah maybe I should go ahead and be the total stereotypical tripper and finish li
Why am I asking you these questions and expecting you to immediately answer them, o anonymous bluelight audience? Why am I telling you every single inane thought that is running through my head? Why am I exposing you to this level of dementia? Did any of you survive the last paragraph? If so, I give you kudos. We have gotten very stream-of-consciousness around these parts, I have noticed. Little ego control… feel like someone else is writing and I’m paying no attention to it and every once in a while I notice I’m still writing and I’m surprised because I haven’t been thinking about it, you know?
Ok, I’m tripping really hard. Yee haa. Excellent. I will just shut up for a few minutes now and stop externalizing everything by typing it. Yessirree.
I also love “Perpetual Dawn.” Going to crank it and enjoy it.
Damn I like thinking about stuff. I do it all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I should do less of it. Maybe I would enjoy stuff more. But I also enjoy thinking a whole hell of a lot.
I have a feeling the next hour of so of this is going to be totally incoherent. Mwa ha ha. Not like the last half hour or so wasn’t also incoherent.
Why is so hard to remember how GOOD tripping feels the next day? Seem to have stepped it back up. Hope we have a few hours of waves of peak. Suddenly feel less compelled to type. Can’t tell if I’m up or down, coming or going. Feel completely at home though.
Ooh, things are getting scary in the music. Doesn’t exactly strike me to the core, though, you know? Am I supposed to laugh at the “enormous cloud the size of the earth?” The announcer sounds like a total dork. I realize how incoherent this has gotten. Sorry about that. Ooh, I actually did feel kind of bad as I wrote the last sentence. Well, if you’re going to have a Wagnerian style soap opera in your music, this is pretty good. You don’t get at the artist’s genuine emotions, though, you know? I don’t feel like I have any idea what these guys are like after listening to this. Whereas, say, the grateful dead or radiohead or phish, you have a pretty good clue and that’s what makes them so good – that they’re so honest and just put themselves out there. With electronic music the temptation to hide yourself is just so strong, but with something like guitar you simply can’t.
You know, you never really come down from tripping, do you? Once those doors start opening, you can’t ever close them again… you can pretend but on some level you know you’re just pretending, seeing only part of reality. The challenge is to integrate it so that tripping experience and sober experience are consonant in their beauty, so you don’t need that extra energy to get there anymore, reality simply *is*. It’s kind of frustrating that it takes years to walk that path, but it is kind of interesting to enjoy the lumps of having an ego too.
Definitely a little hungry, but don’t want to eat. Don’t want to wind up with a headache, though – definitely noticing the energetic push of these shrooms right now.
How bout I run this by you – a conversation a lot of tripping friends (and former AD&D players) had. Pot is chaotic good. Shrooms are neutral good. LSD is chaotic neutral. AMT is chaotic evil. Bleh, I will never do that shit again. Anyone else agree? I guess alcohol is chaotic neutral as well… never has much of a push to it one way or the other if you ask me just makes things wilder. It was quite an insight at the time to realize that personally I only like “good” drugs, but that’s just a personal preference… other people are totally different in terms of what kind of experiences they want to be having right now.
Most people have no fucking clue. About anything. About the whole game. As a species we are still quite asleep, but we will start to wake up in the next twenty or thirty years. We will take the first steps into clumsy adolescence. It’s time. It will be an amazing time to be alive.
You know what I bet? I bet that this won’t make any sense to those of you who are sober, including me tomorrow. Oh, it will be relatively coherent, but it will all seem a bunch of gibberish. Hopefully amusing gibberish. I’m laughing as I reread what I was writing earlier, anyway.
I am pretty far gone at the moment but I am still managing to update. Sometimes I amaze even myself
This has to already officially be a record for the longest internet trip report ever written, and I want to dedicate it to the NY Yankees offense, especially Hideki Matsui and Gary Sheffield. Shout out!
1:28: It’s been a long time since I noticed what time it is. You know, it seems like the main thing I’ve enjoyed doing this trip is writing. With some good tunes of course. Is that kind of an ego self-defense mechanism? I think it is. At the same time, I feel like I’m already in a land where there isn’t much left defending itself.
I hope I don’t wind up feeling cracked out the next day. I think I’m right on the border of putting some heavy strain on my (energetic) body. Feeling ever so slightly overstimulated… which is I guess how I wind up feeling towards the end of a trip. Little bit of nystagmus going too. Glad I didn’t smoke more or I’d be feeling pretty bad right now from starting to come off the pot…
Tonight, redosing actually WAS the Best. Idea. Ever. For probably the first time ever.
I hate trying to describe tripping to people… everything looks really fucking cool and everything feels really fucking cool and everything is more real than sobriety in ways you don’t appreciate unless you’ve tried it. It doesn’t take you away from reality to a magical world so much as it firmly plants you in the world and makes you face it. Hmm, I’m running out of new material here. I think I already wrote that above.
Every time I trip, I just can’t believe that it’s illegal – it’s just so innocuous and helpful and good if you take the time to research it and do it for the right reasons.
Noticing the vibrating energy that had been picking me up so high, which means I’m officially starting to come down. Feels pretty good to come down a bit too. I don’t have social engagements tomorrow, but I have work to do and I don’t want to be totally burned out. This will be a lot to integrate even though it felt effortless to write that. Also, I seem to be less incoherent now.
1:49 Just sitting here feeling good, really warm and fulfilled. The music has stopped and I’m not sure another album is just the thing, but I’m not sure what else is either. Time to eat a snack and get some water. Yes indeedy. I wonder how much the trip will start back up again if I put on some more music. I’m overheating and I feel stiff. You definitely pay a price for tripping, and you shouldn’t do it too often.
I’m getting a little tired of being up and hope I will be down enough to sleep in an hour or two. Thank goodness this isn’t LSD.
2:06 Did I really get a lot out of this trip? Did I really learn anything I don’t already know, sober? Does it matter? It was fun. At the same time that the trip shows us the beauty of the void, it also shows us the pure aimlessness and meaninglessness of it. I think it’s time for some Muse… (I spend some time dithering and then decide to put on a dead show).
Anal sex really isn’t very good for people, is it?
(Didn’t see that one coming, did you?)
But seriously, I’m feeling pretty much back to being myself. A bit too stimulated, but I’m going to drink some milk, try to ground out a bit of the energy. All ego loss portions of the trip have been concluding and I’m now being bizarre for my own personal amusement as opposed to before, where “I” really had no idea what was going on and was aloft on the psychic maelstrom. It’s 2:24, and it’s time to spend the next couple hours meaningfully integrating everything, well as much as I can anyway, which means I need to stop typing and go spend time elsewhere. You’ve been a wonderful audience, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you and good night!
3:46 This is the one thing that annoys me about tripping - it's just a little too long. I don't feel -bad-, but it would be nice to be able to go to bed pretty soon. Still a little bit of double imaging and subtle hints of greens, oranges, and purples around things. Those seem to be the shroom colors for me. Well that's what prOn is good for anyway...
In some ways this trip was a waste, I spent it in my room writing and listening to music. I can't say I gained any personal insight that I wouldn't have just sitting around and thinking about my life sober for a few hours. At the same time I also touched the infinite in about the most comfortable, positive way. And honestly, who is entertained enough to sit around and introspect usefully for hours on end unless under the influence of a substance?
The trip was intellectually kind of boring - I don't know that I really need to come back here again soon. Not that I can anyway since I'm completely out of illegal substances as of this moment. I realized that I don't want to get the work done sober that I need to get done, but what else is new? I need to take care of business in my day to day life, and how.
Rereading this was good - I noticed what a self-absorbed little fucker I can still be at times, which probably made for some pretty boring reading for any unfortunate who happened to stumble across this. I'm also kind of disappointed - the middle of the report was pretty incoherent and not nearly as funny as I was hoping would be. I seriously doubt anyone will make it through the middle of the report, and I don't blame them. I guess I did learn that shrooms make me run on and on and on at the mouth. Usually I'm tripping with other people and I think writing kind of served as a surrogate social outlet.
Damn, this seems like kind of a downer compared to earlier, but I'm just trying to be honest. Shows you the kind of emotional wringer tripping can put you through.
^^^ and rereading THAT points out some residual self-abusive tendencies I have. Well isn't that interesting.
4:07 It finally rained for the first time in half a year, the record drought has broken and I was awake to see it! Cool in a sort of historical sense. I went outside but it was just rainy and dark. Things were cool but the outside has always been cool since I noticed it the first time I tripped (that sounds dumb but you all know what I mean)
Retrospective to add some closure/perspective: 6 PM the next day
Well, I'm more or less back to normal. My head felt kind of cottony today, but not worse than when I smoke a lot of weed and stay up late. Felt more motivated but less interested in focusing on anything than the day after smoking marijuana. Managing to get my work done, perhaps at a slower rate than usual.
I don't know what to make of this trip exactly. It was one of the most uniformly positive experiences I've had, the visuals were fun and of course the music enhancement was great (although I clearly did a lot of typing on autopilot the central activities of the trip were listening to music on my ipod, floating, and just *being*.) Although I touched the infinite experientially, I've been there before and I don't think there's anything to be gained by flying there again, only by walking there sober. Especially since it's pretty hard to remember once you come down.
In retrospect I DO feel a bit embarassed, but I wonder if that's largely because I spent more than an hour of the trip working on something that was explicitly against forum guidelines. I certainly see tonal/emotional elements of the report that would make me guess the writer is fairly irritating and self-absorbed in person, even though I don't think I'm so bad about that in real life nowadays. In particular there seems to be a strong urge to entertain people to prove my worth, as well as a bit of a superiority complex about my insights. There's a lot of negative emotional background static in my day-to-day life, and that readily surfaced under the shrooms. Not that most people don't have a lot, perhaps even more than me; after all many people wouldn't have a particularly good time at high dosages of drugs.
I may do an update later if anything else interesting falls out, but I doubt it.
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