psilosara
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 13, 2003
- Messages
- 56
On impulse bluedolphin and I decided to take our huge bag o' shrooms last thursday night. We thought there was a bit more than the supposed 8th in the bag, and I had been informed by my friend who saved them for us that they were potent little fungi. We split up the shrooms one by one, and stirred them around in honey. I felt excited and apprehensive because my day had not been perfect and I knew I would be upping the dose I'm used to - normally I take a half eighth or a little less. But that didn't stop me once I thought about my past experiences with mushrooms, which remain at the top of my list =). We decided there was about 4 grams of strong shrooms, so we would take about ¾ or a little more of our respective halves.
9:00 pm. Bad idea for me with the honey. I forgot that I get nauseous from too much honey, and it sat in the pit of my stomach, giving me a nice little sugar high and gut rot. The suspense was wonderful. I love the come-up on shrooms, and I tried to figure out why. I've never gotten nauseous from shrooms because bluedolphin likes to come up with new interesting methods of ingestion so that we don't have to literally eat them. Once I went swimming on the come-up which was a bit intense, but nothing at all to complain about. I have always enjoyed how the euphoria sets in, gradually and kinda trippy, then I get the giggles, and finally my thinking transforms. I can retrieve old memories this time like with acid. I could argue with a friend and laugh when I lost because I was talking about something completely different. Or I can open my mouth and let the mushrooms speak for me thoughts I've never considered before, but always sound true. Oh they are an awesome state to be inside!
So we invited T over to finish off the rest of the bag, bluedolphin and I could both tell we would not need to take more for a better trip. My first wave came over me after T finished his portion and discussed gut rot with me. I couldn't keep track of his words and the world was spinning. I took a deep breath and went downstairs for my bowl. It's very small, a personal size I've named the nausea bowl because one bowl pack perfectly cures all nausea I've experienced. Bluedolphin didn't seem to be where I was, but then again I could tell he wasn't sober, per se. He doesn't like to smoke weed on the come-up. It's personally my favorite part.
I packed a teeny bowl and went outside. I was warm. After about three hits the waves came back over me with far less intensity, not knockng me over but filling me up with happiness and love. I loved my life and I sat there realizing this, reminding myself to always be happy, always be full of love. The peaceful mood did not waver for hours.
And the boys arrive. W is ready to get extremely baked, and T and bluedolphin are also feeling their doses. They smoke a few bowls but I know to hold back. I find that getting high on shrooms is not necessary, and if the weed is good I can forget I'm tripping for a time. No, just those few hits send me right into the trip, and it is beautiful. Bluedolphin stays quiet, I can see he is enjoying his state in his head, while T, W and I debate religion, politics, and god knows what else. I mostly tune in and out, staring at them while they talk as my visuals begin. One of my first visuals of my life and one that I get with every shroom trip is tricks with light on faces. Where some light hits part of a cheek or forehead, the skin appears painted with green or purple glow stick. An icy glow that spreads over clothes and behind, painting slowly the brick and trees around us. Ahh, beauty. I'm having so much fun. I'm speaking fairly well, and very aware of the mushroom presence in my perspective and arguments. I make points I don't usually believe in. Truth is I remember very little of what we discussed but I was perfectly content right there.
Bluedolphin excuses himself... I know he's going up to lie down on his bed and let the trip wash over him. Oh what an awesome guy. The talking continues and after five minutes, maybe 30, I go on upstairs to check on bluedolphin. I'm impatient, must go somewhere else but I have no idea what I want. Up to his room and I walk in. He looks rather content. Enjoying himself, good. So I had no reason to worry, which is good becuase I wasn't. haha. It's a strange kind of apathy I get on shrooms. I wouldn't say real apathy but there's a disconnection, I focus on me and my trip much more, but never unappreciative of company. So I'm not ready for one on one yet with him. Something has to happen first. I go back to the boys outside. For a few minutes I try to involve myself but it's too late. The trip is gaining strength and becoming more complex, requiring more of my attention. So I excuse myself and go into my room. Music doesn't feel right. But there's so much chaotic noise in the house around me I decide on one soothing enya song. I turn off all the lights and lay back in bed. Wow!
The waves are now worms. I can see them with my eyes closed swirling around each other, never ending, stretching, changing colors. It's a large black snake. Many sharp teeth, open mouth, appearing in the periphery of my closed eye visions. But it's ok. As the snake, which is not scaly but of some other texture, writhes and moves and comes closer, the pulsating begins. From the top of my head down through my body, the throbbing mind orgasm takes hold. I don't move, I don't think, I just feel. There is a current in the room, a magnet at the top of my head trying to pull the rest of my insides up to my brain. There is much soothing in the snake's gift. Eyes closed, I see a body standing, no one really, and the snake lifts up its head, this is a mighty large snake by the way, and with mouth open wide descends over the head of the standing person. Slowly the snake moves down neck, shoulders, waist. I feel myself swallowed. The pulse continues through me allowing calming reminders to myself that everything is going to be alright. I know that surrender is the best way. I don’t know if I have any other choice, but I am confident that nothing could be better at that moment than surrender.
I should add here that the last few weeks had been filled with stress and worries for me. I had been handling my studies fairly well but continued to feel guilt. Things were turning around right about when I decided to trip, but I was worried that my mindset would react in the opposite way with my mushrooms, causing a difficult and challenging trip. Instead as I was enveloped into the snake the tranquility and love of the entire universe flooded over and inside me, as I was hugged by the world. And it was good.
I remembered how much I love bluedolphin and was curious what could happen if our energies and minds could forge together. The song ended, it had been the most full four minutes I had spent in a long time. The snake did not appear again for me, the colors in the room swirled around, sparkled, and I lay back to allow my last minutes alone to set in. Euphoria swept through me, again and again with pleasure that was not sexual, it was thoroughly more, more encompassing. It was as though my mind, filled with shroom power and wisdom, was making love to my body and soul. I felt myself fall back into my mattress and let the shrooms take over. I could feel the presence inside of me, with a personality all its own, and I felt as though I could surrender myself to it and relax like I've never relaxed before.
But I did not want to lose control.
No, time to visit my boy. Time to share this energy. I walked upstairs and let myself in. Hello! He was happy to see me, but then again he had been very happy to begin with. I recommended lights off, because poor guy had been laying there underneath the fluorescent light. Some moonlight crept in and illuminated his tapestries and walls just a little bit. But I found those unnecessary anyway, as the mushrooms had been supplying me with light from some other source all night. I told him that my 2C-I trip had truly opened the floodgates of visuals for me. I saw patterns and lights and sparkling everywhere. Above everything there was a dim sheet of patterns, bright neon colors that were not organic but glorious. More neon rainbows over the tapestry and pink dim diamonds across just out from the wall. We moved around on the bed, I could not be comfortable, and hoped that needing much personal space was alright with bluedolphin. He spread his legs on either side of me and I felt invaded. He moved for me. I teased him for taking up the whole bed and it felt odd, there was some whining in me that began to come out, surprising and disappointing me. I had been so composed alone, and I had wanted to share my perspective with bluedolphin and enlighten each other, but I grew immature. The shrooms were making me moody. He spread across the bed and pulled the cover over me. This made me very upset. I didn't want to sleep yet and I'll be damned if I get less than half of this tiny bed. No I had to get up. But I didn't like sitting up. We became a bit more grouchy, unable to share the bed. I suggested rolling a spliff and getting more weed. Good idea he agreed. I thought the lights should go on. Wow!
What a difference! The light brings joy to me! The wonderful joy is back. Phew. We decided it would be important for the rest of the night (I have no idea what time anything occurred at, my sense of time was very warped. I think it was about 10 or so) to take time every once in a while to reevaluate our lighting situation, as it seemed important, and darkness and light determined much of our peace and calm. At this time we enjoyed the dark and the visuals, but it further darkened the trip and made at least me moody. I felt very much alone that night, but rejoiced in how little I minded that. After about twenty minutes there was a knock on the door and T and W appear, thoroughly stoned and/or tripping. T is talking and talking, spewing theories and facts I enjoyed tuning in and out of. W sits in the chair and smiles, I wonder if he envies our various states. Again I nudge bluedolphin to roll that spliff and he begins. I was feeling the need for more mood elevation and hoped the weed would facilitate this. He begins to roll, slowly, carefully, lovingly. I think about his sincerity, his search for reason in everything, and our years we spent together. I wished I was feeling a little more sexy, but I have no desire for physical touch. After about a half hour, who knows (we did not listen to music, which made keeping track of time passing nearly impossible) the spliff is done.
We smoked our spliff outside in wonderful fresh air and talked more with T and W. I felt myself getting higher, and there was a minute that I was so involved with my weedy thoughts of some cycle or theory or another that I forgot about the better thoughts I could be having with shrooms alone. Bluedolphin and I decided that we needed privacy and quiet, and went back upstairs to his room.
I should add that somewhere along the night, a little after I went up to bluedolphin’s room, while the trip was pleasant and the visuals were pretty, sparkly and making everything look like it was glistening in the dark, my closed eye visuals took a turn to darker images. I continued to see these bands, like worms infinitely many and infinitely long, twisting around each other, but they turned into cartoon faces ripping apart and heads on fire stretched into worms, which replicated the image over and over as they stretched. I didn’t keep my eyes closed much after that turning point, and no matter my strategy I could not control what I saw. This is my newest challenge, because I can now pretty easily control all, which isn’t much, unpleasantness that tries to take over my trip. But the CEV’s seemed to have a bit more powerful mind of their own.
All the while we talked, discussing the future evolution of man. I took off my socks, and bluedolphin tickled my feet gently. The skin is so sensitive, I wondered why so few people walk barefoot around here, feeling the earth beneath them. Our hands and feet are almost equally sensitive, why not pay as much attention to what our feet touch as our hands? I wondered whether if we could possibly evolve to walk around on all fours, that some new appendage the world had not yet seen would be created from our legs and feet attaching into some kind of fin, or tail, except neither. Bluedolphin had lost track of my thoughts but considered his own theory and we had a good laugh.
I was somehow disappointed in the atmosphere of his room. I felt like I needed my own room with my own things and better bedding. I was about to retire alone, thinking that time on my own would be pleasant and interesting in the way it had before, but I did not want to be without him. I was feeling a pull from the shrooms to be alone and leave him there alone, but once I was able to decipher the two desires, I chose my own, which was to turn around and ask bluedolphin to come with me to my room. He was confused with my change of mood, I was confused and just a little melancholy, the euphoria now gone. I walked into the hall and turned around to kiss him. The inclination was against, once again, how the shrooms wanted to guide me. But I remembered (this is so funny to think back on) that kissing is nice, so I kissed him. It was nice. And he smiled, ahhh, so gorgeous. The sensitivity reminded me of E, and I liked to think of perhaps soon finding my own giddy euphoria in natural love.
We smoked another spliff I believe and went into my room. I attacked him. That was fun. Closing my eyes was not a good idea, and my focus wavered. My body wanted rest. While we attacked each other I was amazed as the euphoria returned, reminding both of us of some great molly experiences, but that night we were connected. My last beautiful closed eye vision appeared as I felt in our embrace connection, solace, birth. I saw us as a blossom, tightly sealed, unrolling slowly from my stem. But I don’t have a stem. Wow. I share this, and he agrees that that was awesome. Soon we are too exhausted to do anything but rest. I slept long and well.
There was confusion near the end, some conflict with the moody shrooms I concluded, but once again I spent a night wrapped snugly in the mushroom hug, and I felt at peace with myself, my love, and my life. And it always stays with me. Patience in life, in love, in trouble, makes me appreciate everything, notice what’s really important, all the more. That’s why I love shrooms.
peace
9:00 pm. Bad idea for me with the honey. I forgot that I get nauseous from too much honey, and it sat in the pit of my stomach, giving me a nice little sugar high and gut rot. The suspense was wonderful. I love the come-up on shrooms, and I tried to figure out why. I've never gotten nauseous from shrooms because bluedolphin likes to come up with new interesting methods of ingestion so that we don't have to literally eat them. Once I went swimming on the come-up which was a bit intense, but nothing at all to complain about. I have always enjoyed how the euphoria sets in, gradually and kinda trippy, then I get the giggles, and finally my thinking transforms. I can retrieve old memories this time like with acid. I could argue with a friend and laugh when I lost because I was talking about something completely different. Or I can open my mouth and let the mushrooms speak for me thoughts I've never considered before, but always sound true. Oh they are an awesome state to be inside!
So we invited T over to finish off the rest of the bag, bluedolphin and I could both tell we would not need to take more for a better trip. My first wave came over me after T finished his portion and discussed gut rot with me. I couldn't keep track of his words and the world was spinning. I took a deep breath and went downstairs for my bowl. It's very small, a personal size I've named the nausea bowl because one bowl pack perfectly cures all nausea I've experienced. Bluedolphin didn't seem to be where I was, but then again I could tell he wasn't sober, per se. He doesn't like to smoke weed on the come-up. It's personally my favorite part.
I packed a teeny bowl and went outside. I was warm. After about three hits the waves came back over me with far less intensity, not knockng me over but filling me up with happiness and love. I loved my life and I sat there realizing this, reminding myself to always be happy, always be full of love. The peaceful mood did not waver for hours.
And the boys arrive. W is ready to get extremely baked, and T and bluedolphin are also feeling their doses. They smoke a few bowls but I know to hold back. I find that getting high on shrooms is not necessary, and if the weed is good I can forget I'm tripping for a time. No, just those few hits send me right into the trip, and it is beautiful. Bluedolphin stays quiet, I can see he is enjoying his state in his head, while T, W and I debate religion, politics, and god knows what else. I mostly tune in and out, staring at them while they talk as my visuals begin. One of my first visuals of my life and one that I get with every shroom trip is tricks with light on faces. Where some light hits part of a cheek or forehead, the skin appears painted with green or purple glow stick. An icy glow that spreads over clothes and behind, painting slowly the brick and trees around us. Ahh, beauty. I'm having so much fun. I'm speaking fairly well, and very aware of the mushroom presence in my perspective and arguments. I make points I don't usually believe in. Truth is I remember very little of what we discussed but I was perfectly content right there.
Bluedolphin excuses himself... I know he's going up to lie down on his bed and let the trip wash over him. Oh what an awesome guy. The talking continues and after five minutes, maybe 30, I go on upstairs to check on bluedolphin. I'm impatient, must go somewhere else but I have no idea what I want. Up to his room and I walk in. He looks rather content. Enjoying himself, good. So I had no reason to worry, which is good becuase I wasn't. haha. It's a strange kind of apathy I get on shrooms. I wouldn't say real apathy but there's a disconnection, I focus on me and my trip much more, but never unappreciative of company. So I'm not ready for one on one yet with him. Something has to happen first. I go back to the boys outside. For a few minutes I try to involve myself but it's too late. The trip is gaining strength and becoming more complex, requiring more of my attention. So I excuse myself and go into my room. Music doesn't feel right. But there's so much chaotic noise in the house around me I decide on one soothing enya song. I turn off all the lights and lay back in bed. Wow!
The waves are now worms. I can see them with my eyes closed swirling around each other, never ending, stretching, changing colors. It's a large black snake. Many sharp teeth, open mouth, appearing in the periphery of my closed eye visions. But it's ok. As the snake, which is not scaly but of some other texture, writhes and moves and comes closer, the pulsating begins. From the top of my head down through my body, the throbbing mind orgasm takes hold. I don't move, I don't think, I just feel. There is a current in the room, a magnet at the top of my head trying to pull the rest of my insides up to my brain. There is much soothing in the snake's gift. Eyes closed, I see a body standing, no one really, and the snake lifts up its head, this is a mighty large snake by the way, and with mouth open wide descends over the head of the standing person. Slowly the snake moves down neck, shoulders, waist. I feel myself swallowed. The pulse continues through me allowing calming reminders to myself that everything is going to be alright. I know that surrender is the best way. I don’t know if I have any other choice, but I am confident that nothing could be better at that moment than surrender.
I should add here that the last few weeks had been filled with stress and worries for me. I had been handling my studies fairly well but continued to feel guilt. Things were turning around right about when I decided to trip, but I was worried that my mindset would react in the opposite way with my mushrooms, causing a difficult and challenging trip. Instead as I was enveloped into the snake the tranquility and love of the entire universe flooded over and inside me, as I was hugged by the world. And it was good.
I remembered how much I love bluedolphin and was curious what could happen if our energies and minds could forge together. The song ended, it had been the most full four minutes I had spent in a long time. The snake did not appear again for me, the colors in the room swirled around, sparkled, and I lay back to allow my last minutes alone to set in. Euphoria swept through me, again and again with pleasure that was not sexual, it was thoroughly more, more encompassing. It was as though my mind, filled with shroom power and wisdom, was making love to my body and soul. I felt myself fall back into my mattress and let the shrooms take over. I could feel the presence inside of me, with a personality all its own, and I felt as though I could surrender myself to it and relax like I've never relaxed before.
But I did not want to lose control.
No, time to visit my boy. Time to share this energy. I walked upstairs and let myself in. Hello! He was happy to see me, but then again he had been very happy to begin with. I recommended lights off, because poor guy had been laying there underneath the fluorescent light. Some moonlight crept in and illuminated his tapestries and walls just a little bit. But I found those unnecessary anyway, as the mushrooms had been supplying me with light from some other source all night. I told him that my 2C-I trip had truly opened the floodgates of visuals for me. I saw patterns and lights and sparkling everywhere. Above everything there was a dim sheet of patterns, bright neon colors that were not organic but glorious. More neon rainbows over the tapestry and pink dim diamonds across just out from the wall. We moved around on the bed, I could not be comfortable, and hoped that needing much personal space was alright with bluedolphin. He spread his legs on either side of me and I felt invaded. He moved for me. I teased him for taking up the whole bed and it felt odd, there was some whining in me that began to come out, surprising and disappointing me. I had been so composed alone, and I had wanted to share my perspective with bluedolphin and enlighten each other, but I grew immature. The shrooms were making me moody. He spread across the bed and pulled the cover over me. This made me very upset. I didn't want to sleep yet and I'll be damned if I get less than half of this tiny bed. No I had to get up. But I didn't like sitting up. We became a bit more grouchy, unable to share the bed. I suggested rolling a spliff and getting more weed. Good idea he agreed. I thought the lights should go on. Wow!
What a difference! The light brings joy to me! The wonderful joy is back. Phew. We decided it would be important for the rest of the night (I have no idea what time anything occurred at, my sense of time was very warped. I think it was about 10 or so) to take time every once in a while to reevaluate our lighting situation, as it seemed important, and darkness and light determined much of our peace and calm. At this time we enjoyed the dark and the visuals, but it further darkened the trip and made at least me moody. I felt very much alone that night, but rejoiced in how little I minded that. After about twenty minutes there was a knock on the door and T and W appear, thoroughly stoned and/or tripping. T is talking and talking, spewing theories and facts I enjoyed tuning in and out of. W sits in the chair and smiles, I wonder if he envies our various states. Again I nudge bluedolphin to roll that spliff and he begins. I was feeling the need for more mood elevation and hoped the weed would facilitate this. He begins to roll, slowly, carefully, lovingly. I think about his sincerity, his search for reason in everything, and our years we spent together. I wished I was feeling a little more sexy, but I have no desire for physical touch. After about a half hour, who knows (we did not listen to music, which made keeping track of time passing nearly impossible) the spliff is done.
We smoked our spliff outside in wonderful fresh air and talked more with T and W. I felt myself getting higher, and there was a minute that I was so involved with my weedy thoughts of some cycle or theory or another that I forgot about the better thoughts I could be having with shrooms alone. Bluedolphin and I decided that we needed privacy and quiet, and went back upstairs to his room.
I should add that somewhere along the night, a little after I went up to bluedolphin’s room, while the trip was pleasant and the visuals were pretty, sparkly and making everything look like it was glistening in the dark, my closed eye visuals took a turn to darker images. I continued to see these bands, like worms infinitely many and infinitely long, twisting around each other, but they turned into cartoon faces ripping apart and heads on fire stretched into worms, which replicated the image over and over as they stretched. I didn’t keep my eyes closed much after that turning point, and no matter my strategy I could not control what I saw. This is my newest challenge, because I can now pretty easily control all, which isn’t much, unpleasantness that tries to take over my trip. But the CEV’s seemed to have a bit more powerful mind of their own.
All the while we talked, discussing the future evolution of man. I took off my socks, and bluedolphin tickled my feet gently. The skin is so sensitive, I wondered why so few people walk barefoot around here, feeling the earth beneath them. Our hands and feet are almost equally sensitive, why not pay as much attention to what our feet touch as our hands? I wondered whether if we could possibly evolve to walk around on all fours, that some new appendage the world had not yet seen would be created from our legs and feet attaching into some kind of fin, or tail, except neither. Bluedolphin had lost track of my thoughts but considered his own theory and we had a good laugh.
I was somehow disappointed in the atmosphere of his room. I felt like I needed my own room with my own things and better bedding. I was about to retire alone, thinking that time on my own would be pleasant and interesting in the way it had before, but I did not want to be without him. I was feeling a pull from the shrooms to be alone and leave him there alone, but once I was able to decipher the two desires, I chose my own, which was to turn around and ask bluedolphin to come with me to my room. He was confused with my change of mood, I was confused and just a little melancholy, the euphoria now gone. I walked into the hall and turned around to kiss him. The inclination was against, once again, how the shrooms wanted to guide me. But I remembered (this is so funny to think back on) that kissing is nice, so I kissed him. It was nice. And he smiled, ahhh, so gorgeous. The sensitivity reminded me of E, and I liked to think of perhaps soon finding my own giddy euphoria in natural love.
We smoked another spliff I believe and went into my room. I attacked him. That was fun. Closing my eyes was not a good idea, and my focus wavered. My body wanted rest. While we attacked each other I was amazed as the euphoria returned, reminding both of us of some great molly experiences, but that night we were connected. My last beautiful closed eye vision appeared as I felt in our embrace connection, solace, birth. I saw us as a blossom, tightly sealed, unrolling slowly from my stem. But I don’t have a stem. Wow. I share this, and he agrees that that was awesome. Soon we are too exhausted to do anything but rest. I slept long and well.
There was confusion near the end, some conflict with the moody shrooms I concluded, but once again I spent a night wrapped snugly in the mushroom hug, and I felt at peace with myself, my love, and my life. And it always stays with me. Patience in life, in love, in trouble, makes me appreciate everything, notice what’s really important, all the more. That’s why I love shrooms.
peace
