Date: April 17? 2003
Mushrooms, quarter eaten
Setting: a lot of places
well this is the first time i have had the desire to write about this experience. we will see how it goes.
I planned for this night all week. Saturday night i picked up 2 chocolate mushrooms with 1/8 in each. i originally planned on eating one and giving the other to a friend
8:00pm- one consumed.
8:15-Me and two more people jump in the car to smoke a cigarette. about 5 minutes after we left i felt a huge rush throughout my body and felt weightless.....i braced myself.
8:45-we get back to the house and my visuals are kicking in. im weightless can hardly walk and completely overwhelmed by the rush. I had to hold my head in my hands until i could get control
9:00- we all jump in the car to go pick up my friends gf and by this time i was in control and my visuals were VERY strong i would say as strong as the first time i had ever tripped which is what i had been looking for.
9:20- sitting in the car with 4 people had never been as fun. all my patterns were so detailed and colorful i didnt care about anything else...colors would fly around me and develop into twirls but i noticed patterns with in the patterns that were acctually twirling too. Once again i saw eyes and had no clue why. We drove around for a little bit and all i did was stare straight into the seat and enjoy my visuals.
10:00- we got back to the house and just sat around my friend kitchen talking and crcking jokes...as this was going on all i could think of was how these were the time i was going to remember when i got older...just chilling out with friends playing cards and cracking jokes until our sides hurt with laughter....it was a great feeling. while i was in the house i discovered the excitement of the bottom of a cup with water in it......i stared to the bottom of them cup and just watched it change size....it would stretch and shrink.
12:00-everyone leaves but me J and P. my visuals are getting really week and it didnt look like anyone was going to sleep anytie soon and i still had another chocolate in my pocket. we walked up the street to a friend's house and just sat outside with a video camera doing stupid shit. my friend convinced me to eat the other chocolate because i was coming down and it wasnt time to settle down
1:00-i consumer the other chocolate and walk back to P's house. I called my cousin to see if he wanted to come over for awhile, he agreed. while i was waiting for my cousin i realized my other friends had fallen asleep on me. My visuals were back which was good but i could sense the psychological effects coming in. i started to think "did i invite my cousin out of bullshit reasons or did i invite him over becuase i enjoy his company and he is family?" i was in a battle with myself helping each side defend itself inside my head. ALL my thoughts were going in circles the reasons were the answers and the answers were reasons etc. i started to get worried but my cousin finally got there.
1:30-my cousin arrives and saves me from getting taken over onto the bad side (for now). We talk about typical shit....how hes been how ive been..what the family has been upto etc. I will say that visits with my cousin are few so we make the best of them talking to him always makes me feel better.
2:15-my cousin leaves and i am once again left alone....no big deal ill just go to sleep. wrong. i would close my eyes but i had too much energy i would kick and my legs would tighten up so i knew there was no way i could go to sleep which was bad because then i had to stay up and think. i sat there and started to think....or rather argue with myself about personal things like my mom, my friends do i love them or is it for show....what really did me in was when i got on the subject of God. lately my fiath in god has really been at stake. i began to think about if there even was a god bc it seemed to me that every thing on earth had a scientific explanation and what has god done for me anyway etc. well since i convinced my self for the time being that there was no god i thought about what happens to us when we die and i got the same feeling i always get when i get closer than usual with this subject a deep deep deep feeling of nothingness...you are siimply a corpse in the ground and soon enough you bloodline runs out and you are forgotten
3
?- in my family it is a big deal for the bloodline to continue and grow as much as possible. i began to think about how bad it would be if i didnt have children or i was not able to and how much i would dissapoint my dad. it was almost like my mind was sending me into these thoughts on purpose. soon enough it got really bad i was scared,mad,sad, and happy all at the same time. classic bipolar. i realized the fact that i was alone once again all by myself. i just curled up into a ball on my couch and sat and waited trying my best to cope with the arrival of thoughts obviously pushed to the back of my head and were pushed out tonight. i managed to lay my head down and slowly wear the thoughts out...i could finally sleep
4
?-wrong as soon as i laid down i thought my breathing pattern was off....they just werent deep enough and didnt feel right...then i remembered i had smoke 15 cigarettes in about 4 hours which is alot for me. i got really worried and thought that if i went to sleep i would die then the death thought came back. It was horrible just constant worry after worry. when i looked in the mirror i noticed my skin tone was right and it conforted me bc then i knew it was just the drug and nothing was wrong with me but it didnt help all that much.
?
?- since i couldnt go to sleep i sat on the couch and waited for 5:00 to come around so i could leave and not be tagged with a curfew charge...it was the longest time of my life i began to realize i had to stay up at around 3:45, minutes were like hours and it was driving me crazy. 5:00am rolled around and i jumped in my car and drove to the gas station my other cousin works at....my visuals were gone but i stil thought my breathing was wrong and i was still real shaken up.
5:15- i get to the gas station and tell my cousin about my night and how gruleing the 2 hours were then he reminded me it was day light savings time and it was actually 6am....just my luck
This experience brought me some of the best feelings of my life but also some really scary psychological challenges. I decided to take a long break from shrooms to reflect on how i need to be more careful. the thought about my family (particularly my dad) really tore me up and made me think abut it for a good 3 days. i cant smoke more than half a cigarette to this day because i still feel like my breathing gets off. i smoke about 2 cigarettes a day now.
My evaluation goes like this: The first dosage met the expectations of my first trip hallucaginically my second dosage met the expectation of my first trip psychologically and then some...was it worht it? im still not sure
Mushrooms, quarter eaten
Setting: a lot of places
well this is the first time i have had the desire to write about this experience. we will see how it goes.
I planned for this night all week. Saturday night i picked up 2 chocolate mushrooms with 1/8 in each. i originally planned on eating one and giving the other to a friend
8:00pm- one consumed.
8:15-Me and two more people jump in the car to smoke a cigarette. about 5 minutes after we left i felt a huge rush throughout my body and felt weightless.....i braced myself.
8:45-we get back to the house and my visuals are kicking in. im weightless can hardly walk and completely overwhelmed by the rush. I had to hold my head in my hands until i could get control
9:00- we all jump in the car to go pick up my friends gf and by this time i was in control and my visuals were VERY strong i would say as strong as the first time i had ever tripped which is what i had been looking for.
9:20- sitting in the car with 4 people had never been as fun. all my patterns were so detailed and colorful i didnt care about anything else...colors would fly around me and develop into twirls but i noticed patterns with in the patterns that were acctually twirling too. Once again i saw eyes and had no clue why. We drove around for a little bit and all i did was stare straight into the seat and enjoy my visuals.
10:00- we got back to the house and just sat around my friend kitchen talking and crcking jokes...as this was going on all i could think of was how these were the time i was going to remember when i got older...just chilling out with friends playing cards and cracking jokes until our sides hurt with laughter....it was a great feeling. while i was in the house i discovered the excitement of the bottom of a cup with water in it......i stared to the bottom of them cup and just watched it change size....it would stretch and shrink.
12:00-everyone leaves but me J and P. my visuals are getting really week and it didnt look like anyone was going to sleep anytie soon and i still had another chocolate in my pocket. we walked up the street to a friend's house and just sat outside with a video camera doing stupid shit. my friend convinced me to eat the other chocolate because i was coming down and it wasnt time to settle down
1:00-i consumer the other chocolate and walk back to P's house. I called my cousin to see if he wanted to come over for awhile, he agreed. while i was waiting for my cousin i realized my other friends had fallen asleep on me. My visuals were back which was good but i could sense the psychological effects coming in. i started to think "did i invite my cousin out of bullshit reasons or did i invite him over becuase i enjoy his company and he is family?" i was in a battle with myself helping each side defend itself inside my head. ALL my thoughts were going in circles the reasons were the answers and the answers were reasons etc. i started to get worried but my cousin finally got there.
1:30-my cousin arrives and saves me from getting taken over onto the bad side (for now). We talk about typical shit....how hes been how ive been..what the family has been upto etc. I will say that visits with my cousin are few so we make the best of them talking to him always makes me feel better.
2:15-my cousin leaves and i am once again left alone....no big deal ill just go to sleep. wrong. i would close my eyes but i had too much energy i would kick and my legs would tighten up so i knew there was no way i could go to sleep which was bad because then i had to stay up and think. i sat there and started to think....or rather argue with myself about personal things like my mom, my friends do i love them or is it for show....what really did me in was when i got on the subject of God. lately my fiath in god has really been at stake. i began to think about if there even was a god bc it seemed to me that every thing on earth had a scientific explanation and what has god done for me anyway etc. well since i convinced my self for the time being that there was no god i thought about what happens to us when we die and i got the same feeling i always get when i get closer than usual with this subject a deep deep deep feeling of nothingness...you are siimply a corpse in the ground and soon enough you bloodline runs out and you are forgotten
3

4

?

5:15- i get to the gas station and tell my cousin about my night and how gruleing the 2 hours were then he reminded me it was day light savings time and it was actually 6am....just my luck
This experience brought me some of the best feelings of my life but also some really scary psychological challenges. I decided to take a long break from shrooms to reflect on how i need to be more careful. the thought about my family (particularly my dad) really tore me up and made me think abut it for a good 3 days. i cant smoke more than half a cigarette to this day because i still feel like my breathing gets off. i smoke about 2 cigarettes a day now.
My evaluation goes like this: The first dosage met the expectations of my first trip hallucaginically my second dosage met the expectation of my first trip psychologically and then some...was it worht it? im still not sure