nothinginside
Bluelighter
2.1 grams psilocybes
I wrote most of this immediately after or during the trip... I have yet to submit a report to bluelight, mainly because it is hard for me to share experience of a nature such as this... you know...
______________________________________________________
visit from gaia.
i will write later..
Jan 6, 2004. 9 PM. Meet a friend to aquire about .5 grams of mushrooms to up current 2.1 grams to about 2.5-.6
I am to drive back to my school tonight...
I leave at 1045 pm. school is a two hour drive.
Half way on my journey i get stuck in the ice. I disregard a road closed sign and make my way.
at 1245 i finally am unstuck.. my uncle came and bailed me out.
cubes were taken at around 2:40 am. I was no more than 20 minutes from my destination.
T+ 10 minutes
first alert... only mental ... perhaps reconition of a couple observations that could be in relation to the upcoming state of mind. double checked all senses... with a focus on visual and auditory. if i focus on my body i end up getting kind of lost. so i focus on only seeing and hearing... and letting the rest do the rest.
T+ 20 minutes
back at appartment. get all the stuff out of my car to go inside. loaded with groceries and other things for the return home. unload stuff for the next 20 minutes or so, maybe half hour.
it is now around 320 or so.. 330.. i am finally done with all of the loading.
I don't feel the mushrooms so much.. just an overall altered sense. i enjoyed physical activity, but i was soon to fall in to a state like no other i've experienced.. It was like an umbilical to the world, of gaia, had been connected to me, once again.. this is two trips where this supposed "gaia" has visited. The things she shows me are of a nature very similar to a lot of archtypal patterns. Yet my understanding is only reinforced now. it's all very simple.....
i felt love.
at one point throughout the night i somehow was hallucinating a male/female voice saying i love you... over and over again.. in changing tones.. it wasn't annoying in any way
at around 340 i was definately feeling it.
this is around T + 55m or - 1 hr
time was becoming irrelavant.
i started to write.. listened to some aphex twin.. which really put me in a place.. the rhythmic waves of sound washed over...
i wrote this
_____________________________________________
the radient sun is glorius
out here in the desert land
but night is about and winter is strong
my bones want to pull together, ebmrace my body, but the only heat i find is through observation of the things that make me feel better.
we see the mistakes we've made. we always would be this way... but you brought us closer together, we met each other.
frequiencies collided.
myself intagled with something desireful.
hoping to find reason to live
conscious dreaming.
i can't control it
dance with two worlds find one is one.
whereever things lead.
who knows where
red and blue and green and yellow
and purple maybe
something keeps turning me away from writing this
but i know i must go back to doing nothing(1)... only observing the comedy, the tragedy... i can't take for granted these things... magical beings dancing inside me. creating one force of being.... or trying to, my body is one, my being is split
i am the earth .. i am sick.. one side of me is completely torn.. the other, soon to be.
i guess she came to me. in some weird form i found something here, some company.
in this place, i find love.
some peace.
(nothing) is a state. where i must find to see meaning again. if this is a search for god.. please help me.. mystery
my body is wartorn... i've put up with all i can.
nomore.. i know what i can do.
i just have something pushing me, holding me away.
i have to shut this damn computer off...
it is my mirror... adding only reflection. it's knowledge, i always knew.
off.
_______________________________________________________
I wrote that in probably 5 minutes feeling like 15 or 20 minutes. I know time was passing rather slowly.
The moon was full...
I was, for some reason, reminded of a desert land. The temperature is 27 degrees so i pretty much just stayed inside.. the only time i went outside, was awesome. But i came back inside, and just stayed...
(edit: this was actually kind of a desert/oasis. I had shut my eyes on my couch, all electricity off in my appt, except heat. i heard ancient yet beautiful vibrations in the air, some musical ambience at times.. purhaps it was basing off of vibrations in the heating system, piping and whatnot... however, i don't care, it was simply awesome... i won't even try to go further. I remember the color purple, as if it were reeds of some kind that were playing the eastern-sounding music. it was possibly middle eastern. but i have no idea, it was very, theraputic to hear. )
___no sense of time____
i talk to myself...
i am alone in my apartment, i feel as though i'm hiding from the harsh weather. I study myself in the mirror. I see and feel two distinct things that are me. I am a gemini.. born june 11. I always see that behavior in me. almost as if i am two people... slightly different, but always totally separate ends of the scales... always arguing.. seeing good and bad in everything. sometimes recognizing.. but mostly just playing hide and seek it seemed.
i notice my face is disfigured... it always gets this way on shrooms.. not always.. but my jaw disorder fucks with me.
tmj is another world let me tell ya.
it sucks when your body is unbalanced too..
you can feel it on totally different levels.. you can feel the kinks and knots and everything.. makes you feel like you're being squeezed through a corkscrew at times.. i need a chiropractoer
_________________________________________
i feel at a loss for hope at somes. but i know i must push on. at times, death does seem nice though.. just thinking about it.
i'm not talking about death in itself. only the life reflection you have at death. if all goes well, you have a legacy, you have a son, or two. a daughter, you marry out, and she gives birth to a grandson. life is good. It is strange being able to feel that. I guess this goes parrallel to an oasis in the desert, the vision i was given. somewhat parrallel.. a family that built itself around a desert oasis, out of a time when the meaning of life was to live. a legacy built and destroyed yet still carries on.
always in some form.
sorry.. a bit of philosophy for my stoned head.
anyways.. that was a strange experience, was alone the entire time. sorry it is not as detailed as might be liked, but you get the idea.
very meaningful experience, as all psychedelic experiences turn out to be.
___________________________________________
Treat mushrooms with respect, and they will you, don't, and they won't have a problem showing you all of your bad parts.
I wrote most of this immediately after or during the trip... I have yet to submit a report to bluelight, mainly because it is hard for me to share experience of a nature such as this... you know...
______________________________________________________
visit from gaia.
i will write later..
Jan 6, 2004. 9 PM. Meet a friend to aquire about .5 grams of mushrooms to up current 2.1 grams to about 2.5-.6
I am to drive back to my school tonight...
I leave at 1045 pm. school is a two hour drive.
Half way on my journey i get stuck in the ice. I disregard a road closed sign and make my way.
at 1245 i finally am unstuck.. my uncle came and bailed me out.
cubes were taken at around 2:40 am. I was no more than 20 minutes from my destination.
T+ 10 minutes
first alert... only mental ... perhaps reconition of a couple observations that could be in relation to the upcoming state of mind. double checked all senses... with a focus on visual and auditory. if i focus on my body i end up getting kind of lost. so i focus on only seeing and hearing... and letting the rest do the rest.
T+ 20 minutes
back at appartment. get all the stuff out of my car to go inside. loaded with groceries and other things for the return home. unload stuff for the next 20 minutes or so, maybe half hour.
it is now around 320 or so.. 330.. i am finally done with all of the loading.
I don't feel the mushrooms so much.. just an overall altered sense. i enjoyed physical activity, but i was soon to fall in to a state like no other i've experienced.. It was like an umbilical to the world, of gaia, had been connected to me, once again.. this is two trips where this supposed "gaia" has visited. The things she shows me are of a nature very similar to a lot of archtypal patterns. Yet my understanding is only reinforced now. it's all very simple.....
i felt love.
at one point throughout the night i somehow was hallucinating a male/female voice saying i love you... over and over again.. in changing tones.. it wasn't annoying in any way
at around 340 i was definately feeling it.
this is around T + 55m or - 1 hr
time was becoming irrelavant.
i started to write.. listened to some aphex twin.. which really put me in a place.. the rhythmic waves of sound washed over...
i wrote this
_____________________________________________
the radient sun is glorius
out here in the desert land
but night is about and winter is strong
my bones want to pull together, ebmrace my body, but the only heat i find is through observation of the things that make me feel better.
we see the mistakes we've made. we always would be this way... but you brought us closer together, we met each other.
frequiencies collided.
myself intagled with something desireful.
hoping to find reason to live
conscious dreaming.
i can't control it
dance with two worlds find one is one.
whereever things lead.
who knows where
red and blue and green and yellow
and purple maybe
something keeps turning me away from writing this
but i know i must go back to doing nothing(1)... only observing the comedy, the tragedy... i can't take for granted these things... magical beings dancing inside me. creating one force of being.... or trying to, my body is one, my being is split
i am the earth .. i am sick.. one side of me is completely torn.. the other, soon to be.
i guess she came to me. in some weird form i found something here, some company.
in this place, i find love.
some peace.
(nothing) is a state. where i must find to see meaning again. if this is a search for god.. please help me.. mystery
my body is wartorn... i've put up with all i can.
nomore.. i know what i can do.
i just have something pushing me, holding me away.
i have to shut this damn computer off...
it is my mirror... adding only reflection. it's knowledge, i always knew.
off.
_______________________________________________________
I wrote that in probably 5 minutes feeling like 15 or 20 minutes. I know time was passing rather slowly.
The moon was full...
I was, for some reason, reminded of a desert land. The temperature is 27 degrees so i pretty much just stayed inside.. the only time i went outside, was awesome. But i came back inside, and just stayed...
(edit: this was actually kind of a desert/oasis. I had shut my eyes on my couch, all electricity off in my appt, except heat. i heard ancient yet beautiful vibrations in the air, some musical ambience at times.. purhaps it was basing off of vibrations in the heating system, piping and whatnot... however, i don't care, it was simply awesome... i won't even try to go further. I remember the color purple, as if it were reeds of some kind that were playing the eastern-sounding music. it was possibly middle eastern. but i have no idea, it was very, theraputic to hear. )
___no sense of time____
i talk to myself...
i am alone in my apartment, i feel as though i'm hiding from the harsh weather. I study myself in the mirror. I see and feel two distinct things that are me. I am a gemini.. born june 11. I always see that behavior in me. almost as if i am two people... slightly different, but always totally separate ends of the scales... always arguing.. seeing good and bad in everything. sometimes recognizing.. but mostly just playing hide and seek it seemed.
i notice my face is disfigured... it always gets this way on shrooms.. not always.. but my jaw disorder fucks with me.
tmj is another world let me tell ya.
it sucks when your body is unbalanced too..
you can feel it on totally different levels.. you can feel the kinks and knots and everything.. makes you feel like you're being squeezed through a corkscrew at times.. i need a chiropractoer
_________________________________________
i feel at a loss for hope at somes. but i know i must push on. at times, death does seem nice though.. just thinking about it.
i'm not talking about death in itself. only the life reflection you have at death. if all goes well, you have a legacy, you have a son, or two. a daughter, you marry out, and she gives birth to a grandson. life is good. It is strange being able to feel that. I guess this goes parrallel to an oasis in the desert, the vision i was given. somewhat parrallel.. a family that built itself around a desert oasis, out of a time when the meaning of life was to live. a legacy built and destroyed yet still carries on.
always in some form.
sorry.. a bit of philosophy for my stoned head.
anyways.. that was a strange experience, was alone the entire time. sorry it is not as detailed as might be liked, but you get the idea.
very meaningful experience, as all psychedelic experiences turn out to be.
___________________________________________
Treat mushrooms with respect, and they will you, don't, and they won't have a problem showing you all of your bad parts.
