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Moving on

Pyro

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 24, 1999
Messages
1,135
Location
Bayarea California
... and after a few years I finally picked up my belongings and starting walking home. I left her. I said I would wait, but now I'm leaving. I feel like she has forgotten about me. I hope she fell deeply in love with someone who will cherish her. No doubt, in my mind, she has.
So many nights I dreamnt about her. So many poems later. A few tears, but mostly just layers of thought. It was hard to come to the reality that she does not want me. She did... but now she's a different person, with different desires. All paths don't run parallel, anyways.
So now I'm caught here, wondering, visualizing and thinking. I am tired of depression and angst. I have freed myself from that, for the most part. We aren't destined to be forever 'comfortably numb,' anyways.
I think about many things. I am not the perfect man. I can only be whoever I am. Love it or leave it. I can't be with every beautiful body I see walking about. My wants are secondary recently. What does she want? What does she need from me? I'm not going to bend or change, but I will be as best I can. Still, I can't expect them all to value me, anyways.
I want a girl who's not a bitch. Bitches are just like their male counter parts. Bitches are generally confused, angry people. They don't understand what they see, so they put it down beneath them. They try to elevate themselves up above it all. You don't have to be a snob to be a bitch though. Not all snobs are bitchs. The constant negative slant that the bitch brings to the environment is the opposite direction that I'm walking. I'll go out on a limb and say that I've already seen all the different bitchy perspectives... I'm tired of all that, anyway.
So that's one large chunck of people I isolate myself from (for the most part).
I see it frequently now, going to a university. The type of girl who I would do everything for (besides break). I'm not claiming to be able to save her soul. I'm not claiming to be able to solve all her deep rooted problems. I'm just claiming to be able to provide truth and companionship.
She and I will be companions. Inseperable.
... and then I woke up to realize how secondary all of this is compared to thousands of people losing their life in and instant, because of hate. How so much pain, is all around the world, because of pure hate.
Pyro
 
Quote: "I want a girl who's not a bitch. Bitches are just like their male counter parts. Bitches are generally confused, angry people."
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Nice work Pyro!
 
I'm just claiming to be able to provide truth and companionship.
She and I will be companions. Inseperable.
Hi... my name is chrissy, and i think i'm in love with you!!
Single white female seeks guy who will tell her the truth. All other qualities are optional.
nice work as usual, pyro.
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E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
~~ Helen Keller
 
The type of girl who I would do everything for (besides break).
I'm not claiming to be able to save her soul. I'm not claiming to be able to solve all her deep rooted problems. I'm just claiming to be able to provide truth and companionship.
She and I will be companions. Inseperable.
damn you. where have you been all my life? :P
and as always, excellent work. ::hugs::
Mella
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rock on.
 
You are a great guy. Seriously. Your wait will be worth it I'm sure. There is someone out there for you, no doubt. I'm sure you'll have your pick.
I'm glad to see that you've left the angst behind.
I still owe you a coke and a slice for sure.
Sincerely,
Noodle
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i'm interested in the last line of your piece... it kinda hit me out of nowhere...
fabulous feeling... and yes, i'll also join the group swoon *swoons*
aj the femme
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the extra M is for MmmMmmmm
Be Good!!!
 
yeah the last line was supposed to be out of nowhere... like *bang* oh yeah, reality!
If I wasnt a starving student, I'd send each of you a flower (including noodle
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).
For some reason... maybe it was the drugs and the parties, but for some reason I lost sight of the things that I truely loved and valued along the way. Maybe it was all the crystal meth that made me numb to sobriety. Maybe it was the ecstasy that made me resent this positive/negative reality. Maybe it was the acid that confused me and allowed others to control me. Or maybe I was running from the unknown.
Odds are the last. The last is pretty much the collection of the others.
I want to be romantic and real with women again. For too long I've seen them as sexual objects and just bodies. You know what? Porn really inspired me to view women like that. Honestly.
I'm struggling to rid my mind of that plague. I'm strugggling (and winning, and will win) to view you all as people again.
*sigh*... sometimes when I look back at how far I've actually fallen, it seems like such a terrible reflection.
I'm done with all that now. No more breaking, no more fucking myself up. Time to move forward from this moment.
*sigh*
school work calls... the week begins, again.
Ha! We can't be the only ones!
Tim (Pyro)
 
Kinda hard to see the union between someone's mind and someone's body when you are so used to seperating the two. "Looks aren't important, I just want someone who loves me". That's a great line to live by, but the reverse of that statement is a nightmare. Welcome back from that place you were. Good to see your writing in here again.
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I wanted to reply to both, but it's really all along the same lines, so i'd write just one.
it's funny because i'm sitting here trying to think what to say and all i can do is smile. first off, you're in school? That's so fucking awesome and i'm so happy for you.
Secondly, i think i'll always love your romantic side, because you have such a beautiful soul to bear and the romance in just that is enough for someone to be giddy on.
I hope you can see women as what we are, because there are so many women who would love to love what you offer if you only knew what that was.
I have to say i miss you. Email me sometime, ok?
love,
me
 
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