pastelcircus
Bluelighter
Okay, so here's the deal-
Right now I'm twenty, living with my mom and little sister, and am broker than fucking broke. I was out of the house and living in Denver last year, at first with my big sister, then in a house with a few other on my own dime. I moved out there because I desperately needed out, I was going through an insane breakup with my ex and coming down after a very fast and hard stint of hard drug use and emotional/physical abuse.
During the week between here (Michigan) and there (Colorado), I spent a week of time up north, with my hospital roommate from when I was 16 when I went in for bipolar disorder and substance abuse.
I've been at my mom's for a year September 28th, and I told myself when I moved back that I would only be here a year, whether I moved out of state again or got my own place.
My friend up north has wanted me to move in with her since we were fresh out of the hospital, and I've been apprehensive because it has always meant that I would have to give up on what I've got going for myself- jobs, social life, you name it.
The problem is, I'm going batshit at my mom's. I'm depressed, gaining (and losing here and there but mostly gaining) weight, don't have a social life, and not saving money for either an apartment or a car. I'm always fucking bored out of my mind and never do anything around the house, which is a huge stressor to everyone involved.
I need a car and can't save money because I'm driving an old pos truck which fucking burns gas like no other, and have to borrow money from my family on a regular basis and can barely pay them back before asking for more money.
It's pretty much a thought loop of justifications and reasons why not to move.
As far as my sobriety goes, I'm days within being 5 months sober. I can no longer go out and party in order to not be home.
I also am not going to get a boyfriend again just to not spend time away from home. The friend uses drugs but doesn't push them on me.
I also am sick of seeing people that I've fucked and fucked over, people that have seen me out of my mind fucked up on a regular basis. The girl has seen me like this but that doesn't bother me for some reason.
They say not to move during your first year, but 7 months later I'll probably be stuck in the same loop.
I'm sick of moving and making short-term vs long-term decisions but I'm also sick of being in this area/house while trying to fundamentally change.
Idk if moving will help or not.
It's like constant fight/flight minfuck.
Please help.
Thank you in advance.
One more thing, I've already told the chick I'd move up there this fall and am coming up on my deadline. Major commitment issues ftw
Right now I'm twenty, living with my mom and little sister, and am broker than fucking broke. I was out of the house and living in Denver last year, at first with my big sister, then in a house with a few other on my own dime. I moved out there because I desperately needed out, I was going through an insane breakup with my ex and coming down after a very fast and hard stint of hard drug use and emotional/physical abuse.
During the week between here (Michigan) and there (Colorado), I spent a week of time up north, with my hospital roommate from when I was 16 when I went in for bipolar disorder and substance abuse.
I've been at my mom's for a year September 28th, and I told myself when I moved back that I would only be here a year, whether I moved out of state again or got my own place.
My friend up north has wanted me to move in with her since we were fresh out of the hospital, and I've been apprehensive because it has always meant that I would have to give up on what I've got going for myself- jobs, social life, you name it.
The problem is, I'm going batshit at my mom's. I'm depressed, gaining (and losing here and there but mostly gaining) weight, don't have a social life, and not saving money for either an apartment or a car. I'm always fucking bored out of my mind and never do anything around the house, which is a huge stressor to everyone involved.
I need a car and can't save money because I'm driving an old pos truck which fucking burns gas like no other, and have to borrow money from my family on a regular basis and can barely pay them back before asking for more money.
It's pretty much a thought loop of justifications and reasons why not to move.
As far as my sobriety goes, I'm days within being 5 months sober. I can no longer go out and party in order to not be home.
I also am not going to get a boyfriend again just to not spend time away from home. The friend uses drugs but doesn't push them on me.
I also am sick of seeing people that I've fucked and fucked over, people that have seen me out of my mind fucked up on a regular basis. The girl has seen me like this but that doesn't bother me for some reason.
They say not to move during your first year, but 7 months later I'll probably be stuck in the same loop.
I'm sick of moving and making short-term vs long-term decisions but I'm also sick of being in this area/house while trying to fundamentally change.
Idk if moving will help or not.
It's like constant fight/flight minfuck.
Please help.
Thank you in advance.
One more thing, I've already told the chick I'd move up there this fall and am coming up on my deadline. Major commitment issues ftw
