Since my last post things have necessarily calmed down a bit and I am grateful although still a bit stressed but otherwise somewhat calm.
Kristen sensing impending financial doom is sound asleep somewhere in the back of my mind letting me work steadily and consistently for the past 3 days. I'm still medicated but at the very lowest dose possible. A good parasite knows not to kill its host.
Oh, happy mothers day by the way. Congratulations on your ability to produce human larvae which I'm sure will grow up to be fine upstanding citizens. I wonder if there is a mothers day for fish or kangaroos or viruses that produce offspring in the millions? Kristen's mom was very happy with the flowers she sent and probably by now watching some sitcom. Television, the true opiate of the masses. She produced an outstanding creature, she deserves them.
Okay, so the poll was totally serious (other than the four option which makes Kristen smile) and if you know about guns PLEASE give me some advise by either voting or leaving me a comment sending me an email. While half of me was refined by Beverly Hills finest, I live in a very different neighborhood. I am no stranger to guns but handguns are not my area of expertise. I did however do a bit of research and narrowed it down to those two models. I even went to the store and handled about 20 different makes/models and liked the Glock for its light weight( I have arms like an anorexic supermodel) and reputation of being reliable. 9mm is good stopping power without the recoil of a larger shell. I also know Glock is the choice for law enforcement and has a 17 round clip (which must be modified to 10 rounds in California). Why do I need a gun? Why not? Kristen has survived a home invasion once and now sleeps on the verge of waking. So over coffee one morning we debated...
Kristen: Hey, lets go buy a gun.
kristen: huh?
Kristen: Remember the shit that went down before. I haven't slept well since that night.
kristen: Bullshit Kristen. We are drugged into oblivion each night. The only reason you wake up is cause you need more junk.
Kristen: Your sound asleep but I'm always awake listening and waiting...
kristen: So the Gated entrance, the double steel reinforced doors, the motion detectors and the video camera's just are not enough, eh?
Kristen: Not to me.
kristen: Alright, fuck it. (looks up gun dealers on web)
Kristen: Laser sight. Fixed sights are no good in darkness.
kristen: Right. Would you like to up-size your order with a side of grenades for an extra 50 cents? Jesus, Kristen.
Kristen: You have enough narcotics to drug a small country and enough expensive tech to make this place a target.
kristen: welcome to the jungle.
Kristen: Fun and games.
kristen: Ok, Ok, what about a week ago when we on the very edge of psychosis from what you decided was a needed 'phet mission' and ended up paranoid, seeing spiders scurrying around our desk, and those goddamn shadow people (side note - many people on amp for extended periods bordering on temporary psychosis see the "shadow people", there should be a wiki on it). So given that do you think its wise we have firearms?
Kristen: I TOLD you to ignore that shit, didn't I?
It's strange and maybe appropriate being mothers day but when my grandmother died a few years ago I felt nothing. She was schizophrenic and my whole life she was so heavily drugged that she really was not there. As I kid I never really understood what her 'reality' was when she was not drugged into being zombie and so I had no feeling toward it or toward her death since there was no real communication. But in the dark and disturbing hours that passed where I think Kristen did take me over that line for a little while and where I was not completely in reality I suddenly realized what life must have been like for her. Hearing sounds and not knowing if they are real or imagined, seeing things appear out of nothing and disappear as fast, the paranoia, the feeling of being watched while alone, the terrifying idea that this state might persist and I would not return. And finally, the realization that reality is an illusion of stability that can falter at any moment. For the first time in my life I actually felt very very sad for her, a life spend in that place where nothing is what it seems.
I'm sipping my liquid crack (starbucks - 4shots - venti) and looking at my production schedule again...
originally posted here:
http://kristenincontrol.blogspot.com/2009/05/mothers-daze-and-liquid-crack.html