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Mother of relapsed addict needs advice

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Niese423

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Joined
Sep 26, 2015
Messages
7
Hi my son age 30 is an heroine addict. He was clean 18 months and week ago started using again. I need guidance I'm scared to death of losing him. 18 months ago when I found out he accepted help he wanted to be clean. Now he lies to me about using but he did confide in his girlfriend who informed me of his using again. I really don't know what to do. I've prayed so much my knees are bruised. Any advice is much appreciated.
 
Hi, I'm a 24 yr old active addict and I know I've put my mom through the same thing your going through. Even though me and my mom are close I know she's going through what you are. There's 99% chance that there's something that made him start using again, relationship problems, work, excessive stress, anything. He's been clean, so he knows what he's throwing away. There's honestly not much you can do at this point. You can talk to him about it but from personal experience you don't want to harp, because that will most likely make him want to use even more. You almost have to sit back and watch it unfold. That's hard to do, I know. Talking to my mother she's told me that she pretty much had to let me go an work on herself. I'm old enough to know better and with parents being older than us... Obviously. She couldn't let my addiction beat her up anymore. She still prays for me and we keep in touch. Keeping in touch often and not necessarily focusing on my problems have helped both of us. Sorry this might jump around, I'm using my phone... Hope this helps atleast a little!
 
The only practical advice I can offer is that a heroin addict--or any addict--may feel the need for an extra 'something' to manage a cortisol (stress response) that is now out of whack. In terms of opiates, kratom is, in most part of the world, perfectly legal, and while it will produce a slight "high" it is no stronger than the buzz produced by coffee, albeit in a less energetic direction. It may keep him functioning long enough for the Post-Acute-Withdrawal Syndrome to run its course and, in my opinion, is preferable to methadone in this regard.
 
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There doesn't seem to be a good answer. You could have him legally committed to involuntary treatment possibly depending on the laws of your state/country, but he won't like that. But, in the end, nothing really matters, though having everyone living as long as possible with as few permanent health conditions as possible is always the best outcome. Sometimes the threat of that sort of action is enough to motivate a person. Your son may be resisting your help but on the inside crying out for you to do whatever it takes to stop him and save his life. The addiction stops him from asking for help. I think praying is good. Maybe you and your son could pray together for his life and health.
 
I am very sorry to hear that you are living the nightmare of addiction. I am also a mother and have been in your shoes. The best advice that I can give you is to go to to al-anon for some perspective and support. See if you can find a group that is for parents. Having said that, I would also caution you to use your own judgment when it comes to "hitting bottom" and "tough love". These are very useful concepts but when they become hard and fast dogma they can be dangerous. If hitting bottom is loss of life it is obvious that no one should be advocating that.

Try to assure your son that you do not need to be lied to, that you understand this is addiction. Try to define for yourself the fine line between enabling and supporting someone through the process of recovery. Read as much as you can about addiction.Get counseling for yourself if you can afford it. Keep everything in the open as much as you can and try not to buy into the shame of addiction--this hurts your son the most but it hurts the whole family as well.

Take good care of yourself. Getting sucked into the feelings of powerlessness alongside your son will not help the situation. Staying mentally and physically healthy will allow you to have the strength to help in whatever ways you can. Going crazy with fear and anxiety and losing hope yourself will only exacerbate things. In the end, you will have to accept that your grown son's choices are his own. This is so difficult, especially when your son is hurting, but it is an acceptance you will have to come to for your own sanity.<3
 
Thank you everyone for the advice it helps alot. This is so hard to sit and watch him. Mother always fixes children's boo boos and I know I can't fix this, only he can. It breaks my heart. Addiction SUCKS!!!!
 
Niese423 said:
I just found a stash of his heroine what do I do?
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If he lives under your roof he lives under your rules. Toss it or flush it, and tell him that having dope in the house makes you legally vulnerable. Imagine if you walked in and stepped on a dirty needle, not cool. If he's willing to get clean I would recommend Ibogaine treatment.
 
He doesn't use needless he snorts it. I'm temporary living with him until my house is completed. What is ibogaine treatment?
 
Hello sweet lady... I am so sorry for what you are going through. In my honest opinion, If I were in your situation and If you are living in his home, you should maybe put his stuff back where you got it... BUT explain to him that you found it and that you love him and are worried and want him to get help... There are several diufferent options for him. Mathadone, Suboxone, Ibogaine...all kinds of stuff. I have been on every opiate imaginable and am now in outpatient rehab, using methadone for management. Its completely legal as long as he goes through a clinic/doctor and it helps so much with cravings. HOWEVER, with all drugs, there are side affects and methadone does have potential for abuse. As long as he goes through MMT (Methadone Maintenance Therapy) They will assign him a doctor and a counselor and everything is very strictly regulated. He must go to group therepy sessions and He will also be given drug tests randomly through out treatment. While on methadone, I have done no other drugs whatsoever. It kills all cravings. I pay 13 dollars a day for my dose and some insurances pay for it so in most instances it is even cheaper than the heroine and in my opinion, a lot safer. If used as a Tool, it can and will help, and eventually, when he is ready, the doctors and counselors will help him come off of the methadone as well. Ive been on it for nearly 2 years but I have no intentions of getting off of it. I'm not ready and don't know if I ever will be. Your son loves you... and if hes anything like a lot of us, he probably hates himself for his addiction and he knows its wrong but its just a little bit stronger than he is. Eventually, most of us need help. Methadone saved my life but its just one of those things that may not be right for one like it is the other. I couldn't stand suboxone. and ive only heard of ibogaine, but I don't do hallucinatory things so ibogaine wouldn't be right for me. I chose the methadone route and for the most part I got my life back. If you would like to speak further with me, please feel free to private message me. Whatever route your son chooses to go, stand behind him and love him.
 
Yes, I wouldn't throw it out if you are staying in his house because it could cause a storm and have him resent you more and not tell you anything, or ask for help, ever again.

Im really sorry you are going through this. I am a former heroin addict and I am also a mom of a young girl and I can't imagine her going through this when she's older...it breaks my heart.

I really think Herbavore's advice is great - and she's really been through it. I also agree with Captain Heroin, PLEASE don't think about Ibogaine until it's an absolute last resort. It's still sort of a touchy subject and people still die from it. Of course, methadone kills people too, but Suboxone is very safe, as long as it is not mixed with benzos. It's helped a lot of people on this board and he won't have to go it alone.

I am sending you good vibes - but he really does need to find his own way out, all you can do is be there to help him in any way once he does.

Good luck mama. :)
 
When I found it I didn't touch it but he does know I found it. Sad thing is he doesn't want help yet. I just can't understand he was clean for 18 months, addiction SUCKS! he keeps saying he has it under control, but he doesn't. Within 15 minutes of waking up he's using and doesnt stop all day. It's only been 1 1/2 weeks since he relapsed he already isnt eating and I can notice the weight lose, this breaks my heart. He was so dedicated to staying clean, I don't understand what happened. I tell him all time I love him, I'm here to help him but he just says being clean is boring life. He did saboxon when he first got clean for about 6 months then he was dedicated to daily meetings. I just want my son back, he's a zombie right now and it's killing me, I don't know what to do to help him.
 
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