Mostly recovered after 1.5 years

[Blighted]

After a rather extreme weekend of MDMA abuse about 1.5 years ago, I could barely cross the street without very conscious thinking and my superlative mood collapsed into deep depression. I almost lost my lucrative job and most of my friends.

In the spirit of a few positive posts by people in recovery, I thought I'd return and add some of my story.

Now I feel pretty good, and I can think again. Two months ago I would say I was 90% recovered. One year ago I'd say I was 60 percent recovered. Now I'd say I'm in the mid 90's. Over the last few month I've finally been able to express a relaxed smile without jaw tension and weights pulling down.

This should be good news for those of you suffering in MDMA hell. It takes time, and you'll have wasted a few years and probably lost something in your life, but you'll be stronger on the other side and hopefully won't take your mental health for granted anymore.

While I think recovery mostly requires time, these other factors may have been important to me:

1) Depression is self re-enforcing no matter the cause. You must find a way to avoid being stuck in depression when the damage is repaired. Don't wallow in misery. Find things to enjoy - big or small. Practice joy. Exercise your happiness muscle, weak as it may be.

2) Relative quiet and nature. Busy work and city life were counterproductive for me. I made my biggest strides getting away from stress. Don't isolate yourself entirely from people though.

3) Reading and writing. My Kindle was essential. Reading is one of the best mental exercises, and writing restores your confidence with language.

4) A vast array of supplements, including 7,8-dihydroxyflavone, which I believe repaired some cognitive damage, though oddly did not improve my mood. Yohimbe seems to have improved my energy lately and St John's Wort my mood.

5) Meditation and laughter. Meditation is ESSENTIAL to a healing mind. I found it much more challenging when depressed, but particularly as I started feeling better, even short meditative sessions lifted me significantly. I recommend Natural Stress Relief (TM variant) and Vipassana. Smiling and laughter, even forced, help your body respond positively.

6) Exercise and yoga. Can't recommend yoga or other mind-body exercises enough.

And if you continue to mess around with MDMA when you're getting better - well, you're not ready to get better. You obviously haven't suffered enough.

So good luck to everyone. I still have underlying depression, but I think more time, meditation, St John's Wort, and laughing will pull me through to the happy person I was and still harbor inside. I feel my creativity and high level consciousness are still depressed, but returning - not surprisingly coming back last since those are some of the broadest forms of brain function.

 

[Maya]

It's great to hear another positive story about recovery. This is great news to us Blighted specially to those who have been suffering from depression. So far I have tried 5HTP and Rhodiola but my anxiety seems to be getting worse on these. I am just sticking to my exercise and trying to eat a healthy diet. Another addition is Acupuncture which seems to be relieving most of my anxiety so I definitely recommend this to anyone who is in recovery. I am really happy for you Blighted and may you fully recover very soon.

 

[angeleyes]

Blighted may I ask how much you did that weekend?

Not to critisize or talk down in any way, I try to keep to my once a month but when I do roll I tend to go hard. There is the general 150-200mg rule but where I come from our pills are so random, just wondering if you could please let me know so I can keep some general idea in mind how much is too much for effects like this. PM me if you don't want this info public.

 

[Exstazy]

I wonder what exactly causes these long comedowns.. I mean I've felt like shit after rolling and done too much in one night etc, felt like a train ran over me the next day, felt like things are quite lame and primitive.. these feelings usually just go away after 1-2 days.. Then I go into my normal way of thinking
1.5 years is a long time..

I just wonder what mdma/mda is doing to cerain individuals when they feel depressed for over a year... I know people who have rolled 4 days straight and still have a job and enjoys life

Anyways, good to hear you recovered ! It shows time will heal you even after abuse, no damage is truly permanent. The brain is always changing and rewiring itself to become better.

 

[Blighted]

@after - I purchased around 1g and probably did around half of that over the course of 3 days.

@exstazy - I don't know what causes them, though it seems many of those who abuse and think they are immune eventually suffer. It's possible being prone to depression and having serotonin dysfunction increases the likelihood of bad reactions. It's also possible that some people's brains are more subject to damage due to a genetic difference, that some people have more psychological trouble recovering and get caught up in depressive cycles, or that some people are simply more observant of the before and after effects.

Perhaps not enough attention is paid to that last example. Some people who are quite clearly burnt by drugs don't seem aware of that fact at all.

 

[angeleyes]

Thank you for letting me know Blighted. I unintentionally spent the last month rolling on weekends, I ended up in situations where in all seriousness pills/caps were just handed to me and I didn't think twice. Now I have the fog. The fog of failing to remember things, my brain just doesn't seem to work as well but as you say it will come back with time and a know it will.

The best step forward is to keep my mood up and stay positive. Every day things become a little more clearer just bit by bit.

But unfortunately random memories won't pop back into my head how they use to, when I used to constantly over think every minute detail in my head about work/friends/life.

Typing this out now makes me realize I'm actually slightly enjoying this. My brain functions when I need to focus hard on one thing but the general traffic flow of information doesn't constantly scream at me anymore. It's chilled as and I don't full on stress about absolutely everything; I watched television (not downloaded movies/tv shows actual television) for the first time on three years last week and it was so interesting because I was engaged with the program and the advertisements and not worrying about that piece of work that I did or what I said to my friend 3 months ago.

I'm liking my little holiday away from my mind now, I will get to where I was with a positive attitude, exercise and supplements.

PLUR