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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS More confused than ever, lost in null

What a messed up skill .-.

I'm in a good mood, maybe the best in a long time, my friend woke me up by buying me breakfast and putting $60 in my hand when we shook up before he left :')

Got a little of my fight back in me, wish me luck. First class is Thursday.
 
Jasper, I've been in the same position as you a couple of times myself. The constant battle of suicide idealization and not wanting to hurt family/not wanting to wake up a vegetable almost sent me over the edge.

I'm glad to hear you have a place to stay and are doing classes again. Sounds like you have a good friend that you're staying with now. Good luck on Tuesday :)

Captain.Heroin said:
People like us can hide how bad things can get fairly easily.
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Too often has this been my downfall. Pride, and the ability to hide how bad things have gotten, lead me to wind up on the streets before I'll ask for help. It's a nasty double edged sword.
 
I'm frustrated, because I feel like I am still stuck, it's no use paying for the classes, if I can't finish the course. The money will not be refunded, and if I miss one, i'll still go to jail for a year. It might as well be a one time payment.

I'm officially out of adderall, and here comes another dive in mood.
It'll be good to be off it finally, but it's like all I do is want it when i'm sober, and hate it when I do it. It makes me mean and anxiety is sky high, not to mention I can't manage to focus on anything, it's like I'm thinking about something else all the fucking time and never manage to finish something, it doesn't even do what it's supposed to; it makes it worse.
 
JasperTheReckless said:
What a messed up skill .-.
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I think it happens so that you don't worry others in your life. It's something you can overcome.

Re-distributed said:
Too often has this been my downfall. Pride, and the ability to hide how bad things have gotten, lead me to wind up on the streets before I'll ask for help. It's a nasty double edged sword.
Click to expand...

Same. It can't hurt to ask for help.
 
I bet this sounds pretty weak, but I feel at home here, on BL, knowing I can speak freely.

I feel like I can say things without being judged (visibly), so I can ask for help when I can't do so in everyday life. The internet has it's uses, I guess.

Cap, I oughta keep up on contact more often, it really does help to talk.
 
JasperTheReckless said:
I'm officially out of adderall, and here comes another dive in mood.
Click to expand...

Actually, after a few days pass and you start to eat/sleep again like you should be, you'll feel a lot better man.

JasperTheReckless said:
I bet this sounds pretty weak, but I feel at home here, on BL, knowing I can speak freely.

I feel like I can say things without being judged (visibly), so I can ask for help when I can't do so in everyday life. The internet has it's uses, I guess.

Cap, I oughta keep up on contact more often, it really does help to talk.
Click to expand...

Yeah man. You can email me as often as you want to! You'll feel better after you talk, and I've got a crazy story to tell you! I'll have to email you first. %)

People can help each other out more than you'd realize.
 
JasperTheReckless said:
I permanently feel like I'm forgetting something.
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That's OK. It's part of being a human being. I have horrible memory, and when I return to realizations that I have had in the past, I often will be shocked I didn't like engrave it in stone, or tattoo myself with it. It's just one of those things man. Don't let it bother you.

I got $300 for classes so far, but still no job.
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I'm glad to hear that man. Keep working on getting a job - I know you can do it.
 
I managed to borrow enough to pay off my fines and class, but I still feel off, like, I didn't earn the money, so I cheated, but i'll deal with being an overemotional weirdo on the outside of the jailhouse, any day.

bi polar keeps me exhausted. I have been feeling a shit ton better as of late; my boyfriend and I are back together, but the constant ups and downs from minutes to hours is crazy; i'm practically two moods at once all day.

idk, just checkin in here.
later guys
 
JasperTheReckless said:
I managed to borrow enough to pay off my fines and class, but I still feel off, like, I didn't earn the money, so I cheated, but i'll deal with being an overemotional weirdo on the outside of the jailhouse, any day.

bi polar keeps me exhausted. I have been feeling a shit ton better as of late; my boyfriend and I are back together, but the constant ups and downs from minutes to hours is crazy; i'm practically two moods at once all day.

idk, just checkin in here.
later guys
Click to expand...

Just pay your friends back! Then that way you won't have felt like you "cheated".

It's not like you stole - you did the class fair and square.

Congrats on getting that taken care of man. Stay strong!
 
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