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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Misc Moral Dilemma

M

Meth novice 79

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
854
(No clue if this is the right place for this subject, sorry. Move me at your will great mods 😏)

I’ll probably end up coming off like a judgy bitch here, and maybe that’s what I want. You guys to put me back in my box or some shit.
It’s a tough one for me.

So I have this’mummy’ friend. She really is a lovely girl. We get along well, she’s helped me out when I’ve been doing it tough and never asked for anything in return and in the big picture she’s a great Mum. Her home is always warm and welcoming with good food on the stove and (until they were removed from her care 10 months ago) 2 happy healthy kids.
And that’s where we run into a problem.
She has a long history of drug abuse (who doesn’t these days?) which has come with a long history with child protective services and last year she tested positive to meth while in labour with her baby boy. So they took both kids and placed them in the care of her parents.
She’s meant to be working hard to get clean to get them back, the 12 month protection order is up in 2 months so she can apply if she’s consecutively tested negative for drugs (which she has, but she’s been cheating that lol)
And she’s pregnant again. Only 6 weeks to go til baby number 3 arrives.

I dropped in to see another mate about a dog last night and she was there.
She’d clearly been on a bender, sweat pouring from her forehead, teeth grinding, 7.5 months pregnant and iving meth 4 times a day 😢
She begged me not to tell her bro she was on again (of course I never would) before taking my cash and ducking out to score for me.

And here lies my dilemma.
She scored for me. I had asked her neighbor originally as I didn’t want to put her in that position if she was clean, but my their guy couldn’t get on and she was clearly already on.
Drug user ethics in my area state that this means it’s my shout.
So I gave her a bag, had my shot and took off before my mouth got the better of me and I ruined a perfectly good friendship with my judgy attitude.

It made me feel like vomiting.
It just goes against everything I’ve ever believed in.

Should I tell her I have a problem with this?
Or shut my damned mouth, mind my own business and let the girl live her life?
Is that a good mate?
 
You should definitely tell her that you have a problem with it. There are children in this equation which changes all the dynamics. A good mate cares about his/ her friends' children if not about her health. If there were no kids involved, shutting your mouth could be reasonable knowing the kind of life addiction brings.
 
T
KS78 said:
You should definitely tell her that you have a problem with it. There are children in this equation which changes all the dynamics. A good mate cares about his/ her friends' children if not about her health. If there were no kids involved, shutting your mouth could be reasonable knowing the kind of life addiction brings.
Click to expand...

That’s how i feel, I just don’t want to hurt her.

Saying hey look, injecting toxic shit into your blood while your infant relies on that same blood to survive and thrive is a shit plan, will be received badly no matter HOW it comes out.

I think back to my pregnancies, and I wasn’t perfect either. During my last one I smoked pot and justified it by saying ‘oh it cures my morning sickness’
I’d have been mortified if someone had told me I was a shit mother for it.

I also know how hard she’s worked to try get clean.
She packed up and moved away from all her friends and family when the kids were taken (she was surrounded by addicts where she was)
I know I’m making excuses for her now, but meth is a prick of a drug to kick, add Iv use to that and I can understand why she keeps fucking up.
Then on top of it, she’s got all her friends and half her family calling HER to pick up drugs for THEM. Not one of them has considered the pressure that puts her under, they only think of themselves and their own addiction.

Honestly this has got to be the most challenging thing I’ve faced in a long time.
Ordinarily I just say what I’m thinking, no filter.

But she’s already lost so much. I wouldn’t be telling her anything she doesn’t realise herself.
I’d be beating a dead horse

Seeing her so close to giving birth tho, in that state? It’s heartbreaking.
I hope the baby is safe in there 😢
 
You won't be ruining friendship telling her that she should change something about her life. If she chooses to disavow you for speaking out against something that is clearly wrong and ruining multiple lives then she clearly doesn't understand how harmful what she's doing is.

It sounds like she's still in a fucked up spot with family and friends, which includes you, hitting her up for drugs. I understand the compulsion but if you really care about her situation you need to first stop using her to score.
 
KS78 said:
I hope so too but with meth, I don't see much chance. Even if the baby is born without any issues, the future will be so risky. I hope that I'm wrong and this little person has a long, healthy and happy life.
Click to expand...

I am praying for this baby. Big time prayers needed for this child.
And all her other children as well as for her.

What a heartbreaking situation. Handle the situation with Love for all involved @Meth novice 79

I pray that this child is somehow born healthy and does not have to endure Meth withdrawal.
Praying for a miracle.
With Love,
❤️
 
falsifiedhypothesi said:
You won't be ruining friendship telling her that she should change something about her life. If she chooses to disavow you for speaking out against something that is clearly wrong and ruining multiple lives then she clearly doesn't understand how harmful what she's doing is.

It sounds like she's still in a fucked up spot with family and friends, which includes you, hitting her up for drugs. I understand the compulsion but if you really care about her situation you need to first stop using her to score.
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Absolutely agree.
While I didn’t go to her home to score , she was just present somewhere i went, I still accepted her getting it for me and gave her some for the favour.
Hence the need to vomit as I was leaving
 
And I thought I was pissed when my friend's wife smoked weed her whole pregnancy... this takes it to a whole 'nother level. I don't believe much in 'thoughts and prayers' but I too sincerely hope her child and current children will be okay... CPS was right to take them from her.

If you can't stay clean for a measly 9 months then you shouldn't be letting men cum inside you, or at the very least, should have an IUD implanted.
 
Cream Gravy? said:
And I thought I was pissed when my friend's wife smoked weed her whole pregnancy... this takes it to a whole 'nother level. I don't believe much in 'thoughts and prayers' but I too sincerely hope her child and current children will be okay... CPS was right to take them from her.

If you can't stay clean for a measly 9 months then you shouldn't be letting men cum inside you, or at the very least, should have an IUD implanted.
Click to expand...

It’s so fucking sad isn’t it?
I think she’s pretty much passed all her urine tests and as long as she is clean when she goes into labour with this last one, all 3 kids will be returned to her care

I just wish she would stop having babies
 
On the bright side (if there even is one in any situation like this) the last baby was born on meth as well, and health wise he is just fine aside from the fact he was premmie by about 5 weeks and needed the humidicrib for a months or so and some steroids to mature his little lungs.

I notice this trend of early labour in a lot of women who use meth, even if they’ve stopped using during their pregnancy.

I guess the placenta is absorbing a lot of the toxins so they don’t reach the baby
 
nuttynutskin said:
They shouldn't be and you should probably stop enabling a pregnant person ffs. The fact that that even needs to be stated is fuckin ridiculous.
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Well, I’ve seen and lived through much worse than this myself, however that’s entirely my point for posing this question.
The way I, and clearly others that I know live is not entirely ‘normal’
Normal for us and Normal for others is not the same.

The children are well fed, cared for and loved, which is more than can be said for a lot of others around us.
I’m trying to work out where I draw the line.

I appreciate your input thank you
 
Meth novice 79 said:
The children are well fed, cared for and loved, which is more than can be said for a lot of others around us.
I’m trying to work out where I draw the line.
Click to expand...

That doesn't change the fact that their mother is seemingly ok with doing meth while pregnant. If that's not grounds for having your kids taken away I don't know what is... Anything else is just excuses. I really hope you stop enabling this pregnant person.
 
The best place for the kiddos to be is with their mother. Mother needs help. It so pisses me off they think they have the right to drug test women in labor. Fucking bullshit. She probably would be in a way better place right now with her addiction if she wasn't going through the hell of living without her babies
 
Tell her brother . People like that should be in jail. They turn my stomach and I would have a hard time keeping quiet. But you confronting her will likely do nothing to save that poor baby. God knows the problems it will have:( .
 
This is difficult for me, as I don't really have "morals" or "convictions" per se.

These things happen sadly. You cannot control your friend or her actions. I think you know that, and this is the hard part.

I drove to Fitchburg to buy Heroin from Dominican gangs with this dude's toddler in the back seat. It is disgusting in many ways, but Im not responsible for this guy or his decisions.

I understand that this is tough to discuss, but addiction causes us to make moves that are morally objectionable. It is hard.
 
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