johannes kreisler
Bluelighter
jesusfuckinchrist.
just came home from my mountain-sunrise-trip(left more than 24h ago). was a damn hell of a trip.
(hehe)
at first the walk up took me 2h through black, muddy, rainy forests, lightnings in background. near the top a sick ancient monster growled brutish and tried to attack me. turned out to be a wild hog...
but I was convinced to pull that trip through.
finally up there I found the perfect spot. (except for humidity)
:D
having my stuff unwrapped, I opened my red wine, smoked a cigarette and ingested the first 3,5g. 45min later things became interesting: ancient gods in the clouds, insects steered by my thoughts, nitrous introduced me to a completely fractal sky with entities flying through, all the grass, my blanket, sleeping bag, everything consiting of small entities(wormes, elves, whatever), rainbow beings chasing each other over the hills and the vivid forests.......
of course I ingested another gram (thankfully that was all I had with me).
and than at some point not only the notes I took lost their meaning(can decrypt phrases like "god", "difference between life and death", "never com back" - everything in english. my native language was out of reach.), but also my mind. all the outside weirdness, "everything" fell into an absolute singularity. ++++. completely dissociated. beeing flooded with information in unbelievable quantities. seeing my skeleton(thank god I didn't try to gnaw away my flesh). it was so damn intense that I could and can not catch any direct meaning. it feels like all the information was engraved in my mind but I just can't remember. feels empty.
this lasted for an entity. of course. at least two more entities found their matter when I opened my eyes and found out, that I was lying in mud, humidity everywhere, grey sky(NO sun at all), completely fucked up in a quite public place.
at that point my mind fought to regain control (~T+3) and direct it's physical correlation to a safe place. you all know that this fight is futile.
it was obvious that the mushroom wouldn't let me go....it was punishing me with paralysation, and some thoughts of neverending nightmare.
it took years for me to find the key for the exit door: after dozens of tries I managed to get hold of 1mg of lorazepam. I placed that on my tongue and soon regained power and at least some meaning (I'm sure this process had nothing to do with the actual effect of that low dose).
getting stuff together was incredibly troublesome but as soon as I was on the way down this hill things began to feel better and at some points enlightening too.
smoked some cigs drank the rest of the vine and extended the walk some more(must have been over 25km in total).
then, in the moment I heard jim morrisson sing
"I looked at you
You looked me
I smiled at you
You smiled at me
And were on our way
No we cant turn back, babe
Yeah, were on our way
And we cant turn back
cause its too late
Too late, too late
Too late, too late"
I found this beast of a black bug.
DEAD. (identification anyone?)
that was probably the essence of the trip.
it was divine, grotesque, brutal,(-ly) ambivalent, dirty, completely obscure, DIFFICULT.
spent the rest of the day smokin weed and drinking(alc and pod tea). at the same time happy and indifferent(!) about the fact that I "came out"...
I'm curious what I will work out with this material....
just came home from my mountain-sunrise-trip(left more than 24h ago). was a damn hell of a trip.
(hehe)at first the walk up took me 2h through black, muddy, rainy forests, lightnings in background. near the top a sick ancient monster growled brutish and tried to attack me. turned out to be a wild hog...
but I was convinced to pull that trip through.
finally up there I found the perfect spot. (except for humidity)
:D
having my stuff unwrapped, I opened my red wine, smoked a cigarette and ingested the first 3,5g. 45min later things became interesting: ancient gods in the clouds, insects steered by my thoughts, nitrous introduced me to a completely fractal sky with entities flying through, all the grass, my blanket, sleeping bag, everything consiting of small entities(wormes, elves, whatever), rainbow beings chasing each other over the hills and the vivid forests.......
of course I ingested another gram (thankfully that was all I had with me).
and than at some point not only the notes I took lost their meaning(can decrypt phrases like "god", "difference between life and death", "never com back" - everything in english. my native language was out of reach.), but also my mind. all the outside weirdness, "everything" fell into an absolute singularity. ++++. completely dissociated. beeing flooded with information in unbelievable quantities. seeing my skeleton(thank god I didn't try to gnaw away my flesh). it was so damn intense that I could and can not catch any direct meaning. it feels like all the information was engraved in my mind but I just can't remember. feels empty.
this lasted for an entity. of course. at least two more entities found their matter when I opened my eyes and found out, that I was lying in mud, humidity everywhere, grey sky(NO sun at all), completely fucked up in a quite public place.
at that point my mind fought to regain control (~T+3) and direct it's physical correlation to a safe place. you all know that this fight is futile.
it was obvious that the mushroom wouldn't let me go....it was punishing me with paralysation, and some thoughts of neverending nightmare.
it took years for me to find the key for the exit door: after dozens of tries I managed to get hold of 1mg of lorazepam. I placed that on my tongue and soon regained power and at least some meaning (I'm sure this process had nothing to do with the actual effect of that low dose).
getting stuff together was incredibly troublesome but as soon as I was on the way down this hill things began to feel better and at some points enlightening too.
smoked some cigs drank the rest of the vine and extended the walk some more(must have been over 25km in total).
then, in the moment I heard jim morrisson sing
"I looked at you
You looked me
I smiled at you
You smiled at me
And were on our way
No we cant turn back, babe
Yeah, were on our way
And we cant turn back
cause its too late
Too late, too late
Too late, too late"
I found this beast of a black bug.
DEAD. (identification anyone?)
that was probably the essence of the trip.
it was divine, grotesque, brutal,(-ly) ambivalent, dirty, completely obscure, DIFFICULT.
spent the rest of the day smokin weed and drinking(alc and pod tea). at the same time happy and indifferent(!) about the fact that I "came out"...
I'm curious what I will work out with this material....
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
i think ive gone delisciously insaine