MescalitoBandito
Bluelighter
When I awoke this morning, I felt normal. By normal, of course, I mean terrified, ripped from the womb, clinging to the blissful reverie of dreams. I took a shower, shook it off, and pulled myself together, at least enough to make it to work.
But when I stepped outside, I couldn’t help but notice all the confused and often disgusted reactions. Could it really be me that they were looking at? I stopped at a drugstore window. Fine. Must just be a bunch of assholes.
But there’s a distinct difference between passing strangers on the street and being trapped with them in a busy subway car. People backed away; mothers clung to their children. Did I really look like such a monster?
OK, fuck work. If I show up there in this condition, whatever it is, I could be embarrassed beyond belief, even fired on the spot. I needed help. I walked, ran to my grandmother’s apartment a few blocks away.
She was nearly on her deathbed, I really should see her more anyway. Anyway, who could possibly turn in horror from her own grandson? Maybe she could shed some light on the situation. She was half-asleep in her old recliner, covered by her old tattered blanket as usual.
“It’s dark in here, Grandma, should I turn on the lights?” I asked.
“Why bother? There is no need, my little goblin. I can see you as plainly as everyone else.”
“And what do you see?” I could barely sputter out.
“Fear. Anger. Pain. Spewing forth, gushing out. Your energies are no longer contained, bottled up like the rest of the world.” As she said this, she lightly coughed; so quiet I could swear it was a laugh. You are no different from they, except now they see themselves in you.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Now she laughed, so hard she began to wheeze.
“My poor little boy, you know so little of the world. You think they are not filled with this bile as well? It is not you they fear, it is themselves.”
My heart raced. “So what do I do? What can I do?”
“There is only one thing to do. Go out into the world. Show them your true face. Look them in the eye until they see who they truly are. If they run, it is because they are devils inside. But there are still those few who are filed with love, and who will recognize your gift and will share their love with you.”
“But, I can’t go out their like this! They’ll tear me to pieces!”
“If they are beasts, let them be beasts. But hidden in you is an angel. Find it, and bring it out for the world to see. The other angels, they will find you.”
“I love you grandma.”
“I love you, my little angel.”
And when I stepped into the street the sun shone brighter than I had ever seen.
But when I stepped outside, I couldn’t help but notice all the confused and often disgusted reactions. Could it really be me that they were looking at? I stopped at a drugstore window. Fine. Must just be a bunch of assholes.
But there’s a distinct difference between passing strangers on the street and being trapped with them in a busy subway car. People backed away; mothers clung to their children. Did I really look like such a monster?
OK, fuck work. If I show up there in this condition, whatever it is, I could be embarrassed beyond belief, even fired on the spot. I needed help. I walked, ran to my grandmother’s apartment a few blocks away.
She was nearly on her deathbed, I really should see her more anyway. Anyway, who could possibly turn in horror from her own grandson? Maybe she could shed some light on the situation. She was half-asleep in her old recliner, covered by her old tattered blanket as usual.
“It’s dark in here, Grandma, should I turn on the lights?” I asked.
“Why bother? There is no need, my little goblin. I can see you as plainly as everyone else.”
“And what do you see?” I could barely sputter out.
“Fear. Anger. Pain. Spewing forth, gushing out. Your energies are no longer contained, bottled up like the rest of the world.” As she said this, she lightly coughed; so quiet I could swear it was a laugh. You are no different from they, except now they see themselves in you.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Now she laughed, so hard she began to wheeze.
“My poor little boy, you know so little of the world. You think they are not filled with this bile as well? It is not you they fear, it is themselves.”
My heart raced. “So what do I do? What can I do?”
“There is only one thing to do. Go out into the world. Show them your true face. Look them in the eye until they see who they truly are. If they run, it is because they are devils inside. But there are still those few who are filed with love, and who will recognize your gift and will share their love with you.”
“But, I can’t go out their like this! They’ll tear me to pieces!”
“If they are beasts, let them be beasts. But hidden in you is an angel. Find it, and bring it out for the world to see. The other angels, they will find you.”
“I love you grandma.”
“I love you, my little angel.”
And when I stepped into the street the sun shone brighter than I had ever seen.
I feel like the dialogue could use a little polishing but doesn't really take away from it too much at all 
