i hadn't really thought about you in awhile.
the thoughts of you, screwing up my head,
were replaced with thoughts of a boy who made my bed this morning. and not just made it... but took the time to arrange the pillows just like i do, and placed each stuffed animal on it carefully... not just thrown on like you would have, on those few and rare occasions where you made my bed.
its nice to have something to ponder...
like where is this all going,
and is my life finally starting to make sense again.
i only wonder how long it will be before you notice i'm happy,
and try to rip it away from me.
perhaps another day will pass without a call from you,
or maybe even another month will go by where your face starts to fade in my mind... along with your smile, your laugh, your cheekbones
the way your voice sounded when you called me a stupid bitch
i guess it all fades, with time.
the pages on this calendar keep turning,
but me... i only half-turn away
every now and then, a glimpse of you stirs in me...
like one of my dreams finally coming true,
and i immediately want to run home and tell you all about it...
when will i realize you're not there.
you havent been, for so long.
and you're not coming back.
and when i lost my puppy,
whose arms did i want to fall apart in?
weren't those strong, muscular arms of danny's enough to make the pain subside?
cuz it was him i fell asleep crying on,
not you.
heavy sigh.
tear on my keyboard.
a glance out the open window,
and nothingness in my eyes.
i often wonder where we might have ended up,
if i had cooked a nicer dinner,
or if some blond girl hadn't stepped into your line of vision,
and robbed me of your heart.
but i've finally stopped blaming myself,
maybe even gotten over you as much as i can.
i no longer linger on the jagged edge of the picture i ripped you out of,
and i can stand in 611 without thinking you might have sifted through these records just hours ago...
but every now and then,
i wonder.
i dont know why we question happiness.
i dont know why our dreams return to the point where they went wrong.
i dont know why a year later,
i can look out an open window and think of a guy who broke my heart,
with a fondness that never seemed to die with his memory.
i guess everyone has to have that one person in their life,
whom their thoughts always return to
and maybe you're mine.
late night in the chat room,
a friend and i toss back and forth the idea of relationships
only for me to find that he has an amazing heart,
to match his brilliant mind.
and i think to myself that if a guy half a country away can give me hope, then anything is possible.
i sigh, thinking that there's always some stipulation....
you finally find someone you can connect with,
and they are too far to touch.
and then those you are lucky enough to touch,
its only for a moment,
and then you are stuck with remembering how it felt to let go.
sitting at this kitchen table at 2 in the morning,
reminiscing over iced tea and pierogies,
me and jenn come to the realization once more that our hearts refuse to move on from the past,
even though the present is glaring at us with luminous clarity.
we want to just stay in our kitchen,
where the chairs aren't put together right,
and the flying pig always gets in your way when you walk
and there's always dishes to do
and we are content with our lives and our thefted condiments.
all is good.
2 girls who've been through everything,
scared to advance to tomorrow,
for fear it wont compare to yesterday.
i guess we gotta let go sometime.
still,
it would be nice
to know there' s a happy ending waiting at the end of some forlorn rainbow for us....
it would be nice to sleep on a pillow that isn't drizzled with teardrops...
and to forget you... sometimes,
every now and then
so i can get a decent night's sleep
because i've found that even in the arms of a lover,
memories can sneak into you
no matter how tight you're snuggled
if its dark enough.
and just like a bad dream you cant shake,
you have no choice but to allow them to overtake you for the moment.
(to all my friends who get me through long nights like these... especially to the person who enlightened me once again tonight, .... thank you.)
the thoughts of you, screwing up my head,
were replaced with thoughts of a boy who made my bed this morning. and not just made it... but took the time to arrange the pillows just like i do, and placed each stuffed animal on it carefully... not just thrown on like you would have, on those few and rare occasions where you made my bed.
its nice to have something to ponder...
like where is this all going,
and is my life finally starting to make sense again.
i only wonder how long it will be before you notice i'm happy,
and try to rip it away from me.
perhaps another day will pass without a call from you,
or maybe even another month will go by where your face starts to fade in my mind... along with your smile, your laugh, your cheekbones
the way your voice sounded when you called me a stupid bitch
i guess it all fades, with time.
the pages on this calendar keep turning,
but me... i only half-turn away
every now and then, a glimpse of you stirs in me...
like one of my dreams finally coming true,
and i immediately want to run home and tell you all about it...
when will i realize you're not there.
you havent been, for so long.
and you're not coming back.
and when i lost my puppy,
whose arms did i want to fall apart in?
weren't those strong, muscular arms of danny's enough to make the pain subside?
cuz it was him i fell asleep crying on,
not you.
heavy sigh.
tear on my keyboard.
a glance out the open window,
and nothingness in my eyes.
i often wonder where we might have ended up,
if i had cooked a nicer dinner,
or if some blond girl hadn't stepped into your line of vision,
and robbed me of your heart.
but i've finally stopped blaming myself,
maybe even gotten over you as much as i can.
i no longer linger on the jagged edge of the picture i ripped you out of,
and i can stand in 611 without thinking you might have sifted through these records just hours ago...
but every now and then,
i wonder.
i dont know why we question happiness.
i dont know why our dreams return to the point where they went wrong.
i dont know why a year later,
i can look out an open window and think of a guy who broke my heart,
with a fondness that never seemed to die with his memory.
i guess everyone has to have that one person in their life,
whom their thoughts always return to
and maybe you're mine.
late night in the chat room,
a friend and i toss back and forth the idea of relationships
only for me to find that he has an amazing heart,
to match his brilliant mind.
and i think to myself that if a guy half a country away can give me hope, then anything is possible.
i sigh, thinking that there's always some stipulation....
you finally find someone you can connect with,
and they are too far to touch.
and then those you are lucky enough to touch,
its only for a moment,
and then you are stuck with remembering how it felt to let go.
sitting at this kitchen table at 2 in the morning,
reminiscing over iced tea and pierogies,
me and jenn come to the realization once more that our hearts refuse to move on from the past,
even though the present is glaring at us with luminous clarity.
we want to just stay in our kitchen,
where the chairs aren't put together right,
and the flying pig always gets in your way when you walk
and there's always dishes to do
and we are content with our lives and our thefted condiments.
all is good.
2 girls who've been through everything,
scared to advance to tomorrow,
for fear it wont compare to yesterday.
i guess we gotta let go sometime.
still,
it would be nice
to know there' s a happy ending waiting at the end of some forlorn rainbow for us....
it would be nice to sleep on a pillow that isn't drizzled with teardrops...
and to forget you... sometimes,
every now and then
so i can get a decent night's sleep
because i've found that even in the arms of a lover,
memories can sneak into you
no matter how tight you're snuggled
if its dark enough.
and just like a bad dream you cant shake,
you have no choice but to allow them to overtake you for the moment.
(to all my friends who get me through long nights like these... especially to the person who enlightened me once again tonight, .... thank you.)
