Woke up around 9am from a bad dream. I dreamt my Mother had gone to Brazil on vacation and let one of my teachers from highschool (Who's an alcoholic/addict) and her boyfriend stay at the house and watch over me. In the dream I saw someone I went to rehab with who was a heroin addict and he had the hookup in the dream and we, well, mostly he, started selling large amounts of heroin out of the house and around town. We were under surveillance and I was having increasing issues with the teacher and her boyfriend who were watching over me and trying to control me. We all drank together and me and the guy from rehab where shooting black tar. Then my lil sister was with her ex-boyfriend again and somehow he his relatives were staying with us or were hanging around. He became an alcoholic and was cheating on my sister so I beat his ass (I've never been in a real fight IRL). Last thing I remember was drinking with my lil sisters ex and he overdosed and passed out and I could feel how he felt, unconscious for a few seconds then I woke up. Also in the dream we were partying in this hotel/massion/party house and I was getting some attention from some girls but I fucked things up by snorting meth with some guy. I remember it wasn't chopped up and the crystals hurt my nose terribly and were actually falling out and the girls noticed I was acting suspicious so they ditched me.
So I woke up around 9am and I felt okay for a minute or two as I was waking up and smiled and told myself, "this is going to be a good day". Then I took 0.1mg clonidine, 900mg gabapentin and grabbed my 1mg piece of suboxone strip and grabbed an oral insulation syringe (what they give you after your wisdom teeth come out) and mixed the 1mg sub up in about 1.5-2.0ml of water in a shot glass and drew it up in the insulation syringe and laid flat on my back in the bathroom and slowly squirted the solution in my nose and it BURNED LIKE HELL. I laid there for a couple minutes then got up and sniffed and got the sub up in my nasal cavity and then I added another 1.5ml to the shot glass to get the residue out and laid down on my back on the bathroom floor again and slowly squirted it in and it burned like hell again. About 15 minutes later I started to feel relief, my urge to poop subsided (it was very loose stools). I started to feel a bit of warmth in my chest.
I then went into my room and logged onto the computer and started browsing the web, listening to Lil B's "I'm Gay" album. Then my Mother asked me if I'd like to join her on a walk with our dog. I took 50mg hydroxyzine PAM and smoked a cigarette before we left and we walked for about 30-45 minutes. As I walked with my Mother and we talked and had good conversation, I felt the sub coming on stronger and I started to feel very energetic. I find that taking the sub intra-nasal creates a much more pronounced speedy and energetic effect although I felt quite calm and at peace.
When we got home I made a smoothie using frozen raspberry's, coconut oil, peanut-butter and non-fat pro-biotic yogurt. I washed some dishes and made some tea before I drank the delicious smoothie. I took 2 psyllium husk fiber capsules with 8-10oz of water. I then started to drink the tea and smoked another cigarette. I came back inside and started cleaning. I swept and organized. I started a load of laundry. After I was done cleaning I smoked another cigarette and put the laundry in the dryer. Then I got back on the computer to continue this blog entry. Now I'm going to take the laundry out of the dryer and take a shower. It is a beautiful sunny day, although this morning it was raining and overcast. It is rare to have such a nice day this time of year and I feel good.
So I woke up around 9am and I felt okay for a minute or two as I was waking up and smiled and told myself, "this is going to be a good day". Then I took 0.1mg clonidine, 900mg gabapentin and grabbed my 1mg piece of suboxone strip and grabbed an oral insulation syringe (what they give you after your wisdom teeth come out) and mixed the 1mg sub up in about 1.5-2.0ml of water in a shot glass and drew it up in the insulation syringe and laid flat on my back in the bathroom and slowly squirted the solution in my nose and it BURNED LIKE HELL. I laid there for a couple minutes then got up and sniffed and got the sub up in my nasal cavity and then I added another 1.5ml to the shot glass to get the residue out and laid down on my back on the bathroom floor again and slowly squirted it in and it burned like hell again. About 15 minutes later I started to feel relief, my urge to poop subsided (it was very loose stools). I started to feel a bit of warmth in my chest.
I then went into my room and logged onto the computer and started browsing the web, listening to Lil B's "I'm Gay" album. Then my Mother asked me if I'd like to join her on a walk with our dog. I took 50mg hydroxyzine PAM and smoked a cigarette before we left and we walked for about 30-45 minutes. As I walked with my Mother and we talked and had good conversation, I felt the sub coming on stronger and I started to feel very energetic. I find that taking the sub intra-nasal creates a much more pronounced speedy and energetic effect although I felt quite calm and at peace.
When we got home I made a smoothie using frozen raspberry's, coconut oil, peanut-butter and non-fat pro-biotic yogurt. I washed some dishes and made some tea before I drank the delicious smoothie. I took 2 psyllium husk fiber capsules with 8-10oz of water. I then started to drink the tea and smoked another cigarette. I came back inside and started cleaning. I swept and organized. I started a load of laundry. After I was done cleaning I smoked another cigarette and put the laundry in the dryer. Then I got back on the computer to continue this blog entry. Now I'm going to take the laundry out of the dryer and take a shower. It is a beautiful sunny day, although this morning it was raining and overcast. It is rare to have such a nice day this time of year and I feel good.