Hi everybody, im so bummed, I just typed here for about 40 mins and my phone died, let's try this again.
So I am new here. I am 28 years old with a 3 and 1 year old. I was addicted to oxys when I was 20/21. And got clean. Life went on and I had my kids and life was ok, normal. I always struggled with wanting that happy feeling that opiets gave me but never could find it. I never smoked weed, coke and I hate alcohol. Some reason I am obsessed with the feeling opiets give me. Recently, about the last year or so I got back into opiets. Harder than ever. It has been a complete secret. My boyfriend doesn't know, I can't confide in him, as he would be furious, he doesn't understand the struggle of addiction. And to be honest, him and I aren't doing that great right now. I have no real friends as when I had children we all went our seperate ways as adults. To be honest I don't trust anyone to tell them
Such things as I have kids and who knows what rumours would start. It's very hard finding people that understand. I want to find people who I can talk to, yet don't want to go to meetings in my town or anywhere as I am embarassed. My parents knew about my addiction years ago and sent me to a top notch rehab. They were mad/worried and they are extremely strict, I am literally nervous to even tell them that I relapsed lately. I am hoping this website can act as a friend, someone to vent to and get advice, relate to, and confide to. Not only am I hiding this from family, but when I use, my bf asks where all my money went, then I get scared il get cought and I stop using, and the worst part is I just stop cold turkey, and I go into full blown withdrawerls and I have to hide it from him. It's like a nightmare having withdrawerls, but then, to have to fake being ok, or lie and say I have the flu in the middle of May is redicolous! I can't tell him anything, so it's hard. Im sure many of you know what wds are like so I'm sure I don't need to go into details lol. So to bring you up to speed I told my doctor, who I have had over 10 years. He put me on suboxone and Prozac. He promised me suboxone would take care of wds (which it did 99%) and the Prozac has helped depression and anxiety somewhat. The suboxone has NOT helped cravings what so ever. I hate feelings so guilty too. It is literally consuming me. I am gonna keep my head up and give the prozac more time to help me calm down emotionally. Also, the suboxone makes me extremely lethargic and tired. Which is a negative because I'm a mother of two and I HATE feeling lazy and tired, there's just no time for that! Because I came to my doctor about my addiction he no longer is prescribing me my Vyvanse until I start to taper off suboxone. So I'm totally like all over the place right now with my concentration and energy. I just want to share what's going on currently, as this is the type of stuff I would get off my chest at a meeting or to a friend, im just too shy and embarrased to at the moment. I want to go to meetings however im Paraboid of people seeing me in my town and judging me or telling someone else they saw me there. I know it sounds petty, but I am so embarassed especially because I am a mother. And through all this I still make sure my kids are always happy. It's hard doing this without the support of my significant other ( he would just get pissed) no support there. I want to know that there is success in being happy without drugs. Opiets are my drug of choice. It's silly because I have smoked weed once when I was 17 and hated it, I don't drink, not even socially, never tried cocain or any other drug. This drug just got a hold of me to the point I am obsessed with the thought of getting back the feeling I have while I am on it. I wish I never knew I could feel that great and then I would never be chasing this feeling. I thank you guys who are reading this and anyone who just offers a friendship or advice or their story. I want to know your strugfles & stories, or your plans to stop suboxone and how you achieve happiness without needing an opiet or suboxone etc. Thank you and hugs!
So I am new here. I am 28 years old with a 3 and 1 year old. I was addicted to oxys when I was 20/21. And got clean. Life went on and I had my kids and life was ok, normal. I always struggled with wanting that happy feeling that opiets gave me but never could find it. I never smoked weed, coke and I hate alcohol. Some reason I am obsessed with the feeling opiets give me. Recently, about the last year or so I got back into opiets. Harder than ever. It has been a complete secret. My boyfriend doesn't know, I can't confide in him, as he would be furious, he doesn't understand the struggle of addiction. And to be honest, him and I aren't doing that great right now. I have no real friends as when I had children we all went our seperate ways as adults. To be honest I don't trust anyone to tell them
Such things as I have kids and who knows what rumours would start. It's very hard finding people that understand. I want to find people who I can talk to, yet don't want to go to meetings in my town or anywhere as I am embarassed. My parents knew about my addiction years ago and sent me to a top notch rehab. They were mad/worried and they are extremely strict, I am literally nervous to even tell them that I relapsed lately. I am hoping this website can act as a friend, someone to vent to and get advice, relate to, and confide to. Not only am I hiding this from family, but when I use, my bf asks where all my money went, then I get scared il get cought and I stop using, and the worst part is I just stop cold turkey, and I go into full blown withdrawerls and I have to hide it from him. It's like a nightmare having withdrawerls, but then, to have to fake being ok, or lie and say I have the flu in the middle of May is redicolous! I can't tell him anything, so it's hard. Im sure many of you know what wds are like so I'm sure I don't need to go into details lol. So to bring you up to speed I told my doctor, who I have had over 10 years. He put me on suboxone and Prozac. He promised me suboxone would take care of wds (which it did 99%) and the Prozac has helped depression and anxiety somewhat. The suboxone has NOT helped cravings what so ever. I hate feelings so guilty too. It is literally consuming me. I am gonna keep my head up and give the prozac more time to help me calm down emotionally. Also, the suboxone makes me extremely lethargic and tired. Which is a negative because I'm a mother of two and I HATE feeling lazy and tired, there's just no time for that! Because I came to my doctor about my addiction he no longer is prescribing me my Vyvanse until I start to taper off suboxone. So I'm totally like all over the place right now with my concentration and energy. I just want to share what's going on currently, as this is the type of stuff I would get off my chest at a meeting or to a friend, im just too shy and embarrased to at the moment. I want to go to meetings however im Paraboid of people seeing me in my town and judging me or telling someone else they saw me there. I know it sounds petty, but I am so embarassed especially because I am a mother. And through all this I still make sure my kids are always happy. It's hard doing this without the support of my significant other ( he would just get pissed) no support there. I want to know that there is success in being happy without drugs. Opiets are my drug of choice. It's silly because I have smoked weed once when I was 17 and hated it, I don't drink, not even socially, never tried cocain or any other drug. This drug just got a hold of me to the point I am obsessed with the thought of getting back the feeling I have while I am on it. I wish I never knew I could feel that great and then I would never be chasing this feeling. I thank you guys who are reading this and anyone who just offers a friendship or advice or their story. I want to know your strugfles & stories, or your plans to stop suboxone and how you achieve happiness without needing an opiet or suboxone etc. Thank you and hugs!
