misunderstood

[Misfit Chick]

I have ben trying to stay clean from iv drug use, opiates, anykind...started taking subs , again....(if you could hear the sarcastic tone in my head)..really trying, but obviously not hard enough...when i get going , nothing stops me from doing what i need to do get high....its unstopable...i can take sugestions from every addict out there, nothing helps...i cringe when i hear, breath, relax, go take a bath, eat, do some yoga, talk to someone, just take ur sub...nomatter what i do, i still find a reason to do what i want....lets face it ....i know what i have ..its the dreded fuck-it deasease....no "cure for addiction"....how bout a cure for the dreaded fuck-it's?..i could be faced with being homeless, fighting , not eating for a couple of days, loosing my car, what ever, its like i just dont care, ide rather get high...it helps so much in pushing down the feelings of being a worthless peice of shit. so i sit here after a 2 day bender, having to listen to my mother and my 30 yr old brother tell me how worthless i am, and they have no faith in me what so ever, and do i deserve any trust in them, phhhhtt. no. I know so much about addiction and drugs, so on and so forth.....but i have no clue how to live my life normal anymore. i hate structure, i get off on breaking the law....please someone tell me that there is some magical potion out there that will change me.

 

[RobotRipping]

probably no magical potion, drugs are that potion if anything. If you feel like a worthless piece of shit then you will not have any motivation to ever make things better or more stable for yourself. It sounds like you are just using drugs to get away from these feelings, perhaps if you have some confidence and self esteem you won't feel like it's all worth throwing away. I'd try to avoid your mother and brother if they are going to make you feel terrible as well.

 

[BiggDirty01]

Unfortunately I have been where you are, and many other opiate addicts have found themselves likewise in this place.

Even though I didn't go because of illegal drug use (at the time, I was post back surgery taking meds as directed) I still ended up going to rehab at the end of last summer because I too had become totally void of living life without getting high and needed to numb myself because my feelings of self worth were in the gutter.

I am not going to bullshit you, detox is tough. Mine was a nightmare (more due to facility giving me sub too soon) but when I was in the clear from the major withdrawals, I found myself really driven to get the most out of the experience. After almost 7 weeks I got out of there with a lot of hope, some much needed life skills as far as being able to take care of myself appropriately in the areas of mind, body and spirit. A truly excellent experience, as I was somewhat sad to leave even after 40-some odd days there.

When you have reached your rock bottom (or just have had enough of living that way), find your way to a treatment program. It doesnt have to be fancy, it doesnt have to be the nicest place. It just has to give you a sense of hope, and then you bring the rest.

I highly, highly encourage you to look into this. Please feel free to PM me if you have any further questions...