I have been in MS working for a few months now since late April. I have been going to NA alot since I have been out here, eventhough I am on Methadone. If you know the stance NA has on Methadone, you understand that it has been a little dificult to go every day and see people talking about clean time and what not. I haven't used an illegal substance, heroin or even pot since I came out here. Unffortunately I used a few days before I left. I do not count the time have been out here clean time because of methadone. I am in the only city in the whole state that actually has a clinic, by the way. SO lucked out there. I am on High Risk probation back home and every month I have get permission to be out here. I sometimes have to fly home and report but I do what I got to do to get better and work. I could not find work back home, for some reason there is this stigmata that 3 time felons and junkies do make good workers, where they got this from is beyond me. But I found a job out here that didnt do a background check and they actually got to find out I am a very hard worker, when I do spend all my time making sure I got my hit s I am not sick. I am working on getting off my methadone. I am down to 14 and should be done in 28 days or so. I am not going fast by all means but I am not going slow either. I very tired of having to pay them a lot of money and I am a slave to a substance still. I think this time in trying to get clean is working better because I am finally doing for me. Not my wife of 10+ years. That is such a dificult situation because I would like to give us a chance but she is not too mcuh in that frame of mind. I just do not understand how you can throw what we had away but maybe she has changed into a very different person. She was my life, I will never love anyone else like the way I love her. But if I must continue my journey through life without her, I will. I am tired of throwing a pity party for myself and I need to get on. I am going to be clean on the 25th of September. I look forward to it even though it will be tough.
I know exactly what you mean about NA; they have a very black and white mentality...some of them did tell me i shouldnt be there as i am on suboxone. If total abstinence was the goal, why do so many of them use coffee and smoke cigs compulsively?
Sorry about my off topic rant there. The fact is your in a fortunate position: you have a long term partner, so ur not alone, and most importantly -you want to be clean; your determined to be free of your drug. Thats the most important step to make, and one i have always struggled with
Btw i would try to not get hung up on "clean time", if you do slip it can feel like youve ruined ur progress. Just think like "i didnt use today" thats an achievement
Sorry about my off topic rant there. The fact is your in a fortunate position: you have a long term partner, so ur not alone, and most importantly -you want to be clean; your determined to be free of your drug. Thats the most important step to make, and one i have always struggled with
Btw i would try to not get hung up on "clean time", if you do slip it can feel like youve ruined ur progress. Just think like "i didnt use today" thats an achievement
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