A little bit of my story, I will try to make it short:
I've used opiates off and on over the years just whenever I could get ahold of some. It was always hydrocodone until a few months ago when I got over 100 hyrdomorphones and about 60 hydrocodones. I don't have a supplier so I knew this would only be temporary "fun". I first started taking one hydromorphone a day around noon. In a few weeks this turned into a second around ️Dinner time. Then a third after that. I read in some forums that snorting is better (I was not going to IV!) and boy was it. I wouldn't even have to snort the whole pill and I felt great pretty quickly. I had used the hydrocodones here and there during this time as well. So when my supply started to get low I got nervous. I had noticed that when I waited longer in the day to take my first, I felt bad. Learned this was withdrawal and read all about it. Oh I also had about 20 Tramadol. So when my hydros ran out I went for the trams. Then I found out about Kratom and began ordering that. I do believe something about the way I took everything and sort of tapered off from one to another, I really lessened my withdrawals because physically they were never bad. I felt tired and depressed though. Oh that depression is the worst! Never felt anything like it. As of yesterday I have decided I have to throw out the rest of the Kratom because since beginning it, I had severe pain in my abdomen and raised liver enzymes. (Yes it could have been the opiate use but the timing of how it played out and you know your body I just think I am sensitive to Kratom). I took a 5 day break from it and got much better, than tried it again for 2 days and woke up with severe pain again. So I have no wonderful opiates (I miss them but not as terribly as I did just a month ago) and no more Kratom which I wasn't really liking all that much anyway. I miss the hydromorphone..I felt like it made me a better person. I kept my house super clean, I wasn't at all bored playing with my kids (that sounds so terrible but I really felt like it made me a better mom). I LOVED talking to anyone about everything. I probably shouldn't even be writing this bc it's making me think too much about them and I have been doing so much better.
I guess my point is, I know even if I had an unlimited supply, I couldn't trust myself to keep it under control after a certain amount of time my dosing would go up and I wouldn't realize the extra harm until it might be too late. Unfortunately opiates might feel awesome, but it is not a good, healthy, honest life. No one knows I went through that/am going through this. I am not "that person" and I'm ashamed. But I am thankful that I'm waking up each day not feeling completely hopeless anymore.
I've used opiates off and on over the years just whenever I could get ahold of some. It was always hydrocodone until a few months ago when I got over 100 hyrdomorphones and about 60 hydrocodones. I don't have a supplier so I knew this would only be temporary "fun". I first started taking one hydromorphone a day around noon. In a few weeks this turned into a second around ️Dinner time. Then a third after that. I read in some forums that snorting is better (I was not going to IV!) and boy was it. I wouldn't even have to snort the whole pill and I felt great pretty quickly. I had used the hydrocodones here and there during this time as well. So when my supply started to get low I got nervous. I had noticed that when I waited longer in the day to take my first, I felt bad. Learned this was withdrawal and read all about it. Oh I also had about 20 Tramadol. So when my hydros ran out I went for the trams. Then I found out about Kratom and began ordering that. I do believe something about the way I took everything and sort of tapered off from one to another, I really lessened my withdrawals because physically they were never bad. I felt tired and depressed though. Oh that depression is the worst! Never felt anything like it. As of yesterday I have decided I have to throw out the rest of the Kratom because since beginning it, I had severe pain in my abdomen and raised liver enzymes. (Yes it could have been the opiate use but the timing of how it played out and you know your body I just think I am sensitive to Kratom). I took a 5 day break from it and got much better, than tried it again for 2 days and woke up with severe pain again. So I have no wonderful opiates (I miss them but not as terribly as I did just a month ago) and no more Kratom which I wasn't really liking all that much anyway. I miss the hydromorphone..I felt like it made me a better person. I kept my house super clean, I wasn't at all bored playing with my kids (that sounds so terrible but I really felt like it made me a better mom). I LOVED talking to anyone about everything. I probably shouldn't even be writing this bc it's making me think too much about them and I have been doing so much better.
I guess my point is, I know even if I had an unlimited supply, I couldn't trust myself to keep it under control after a certain amount of time my dosing would go up and I wouldn't realize the extra harm until it might be too late. Unfortunately opiates might feel awesome, but it is not a good, healthy, honest life. No one knows I went through that/am going through this. I am not "that person" and I'm ashamed. But I am thankful that I'm waking up each day not feeling completely hopeless anymore.
