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Miss my son so bad but can't stop doing dope. Help.
- Thread starter NYCneedle
- Start date
Lysis
Bluelighter
Hi NYCNeedle, I'm sorry. That sounds awful. 
I think you need to take a step back and see it from the mom's point of view. You're a junky and you want to see your kids...do you want your kids seeing all of that? It's not good, especially if you're high when you see them.
I'm far from a good resource in making suggestions on how to stop, but you need to pull back if you care about them. I would also remember that if you choose drugs over your kids, it will negatively affect them when they realize it as they get older. Think of your kids. They need you.
I think you need to take a step back and see it from the mom's point of view. You're a junky and you want to see your kids...do you want your kids seeing all of that? It's not good, especially if you're high when you see them.I'm far from a good resource in making suggestions on how to stop, but you need to pull back if you care about them. I would also remember that if you choose drugs over your kids, it will negatively affect them when they realize it as they get older. Think of your kids. They need you.
Lysis
Bluelighter
NYCNeedle, would you like us to move this to TDS? People there might be a little more familiar with your situation.
Prelude2TragedyII
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 8, 2004
- Messages
- 1,206
Sigh, this hurts me to read.
When I was 5, my mother got full custody of me, and wouldn't allow me to see my father anymore because he couldn't stop smoking crack.
I went my entire life wishing I had my father around, wishing I just had that moral support that my mother couldn't give me.
Looking in all the wrong places to try and find the love that I never got because my father was never around.
Im currently 22, and still dealing with alot of the bullshit my father put my through. I've got a lot of problems,
so do most kids that don't have their parents.
Please, for the love of your kids, get clean.
You have no idea how important this would be for your kids.
Your kids need you, more than you need the drugs.
Get yourself help, get into rehab, goto a hospital , see a doctor.
Something.
What do you use, how much, how often, and how long have you been using.
Do you even want to stop?
If you REALLY care about them, you CAN get clean.
When I was 5, my mother got full custody of me, and wouldn't allow me to see my father anymore because he couldn't stop smoking crack.
I went my entire life wishing I had my father around, wishing I just had that moral support that my mother couldn't give me.
Looking in all the wrong places to try and find the love that I never got because my father was never around.
Im currently 22, and still dealing with alot of the bullshit my father put my through. I've got a lot of problems,
so do most kids that don't have their parents.
Please, for the love of your kids, get clean.
You have no idea how important this would be for your kids.
Your kids need you, more than you need the drugs.
Get yourself help, get into rehab, goto a hospital , see a doctor.
Something.
What do you use, how much, how often, and how long have you been using.
Do you even want to stop?
If you REALLY care about them, you CAN get clean.
slimvictor
Bluelight Crew
QFT
It sounds like you tried and failed, so you have given up.
Do you plan to spend the rest of your life addicted to heroin?
I would suggest that you take a look at your priorities.
dope > kids ? or kids > dope?
Your choice!
You could start with your language - you say you "can't" stop doing dope.
Not true. You tried and failed, but if you really , really want to, you can try again.
If your kids mean enough to you, you will find a way to stop.
Nothing could ever keep me from my kids.
Especially not my self.
Time to take responsibility for your life and your choices.
Stop with the "I can't", and change it to "I have been clean for X days".
Your kids need you. Real the post by Prelude above.
You are not in jail. You are not in the hospital.
It is completely your choice.
I hope you can find the strength in yourself to make the right choice!
Peace
pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
its not impossible to break an addiction.
you simply have to chose that you no longer want to engage in those behaviours painful as that may be in the short term...
i've broken addictions to amphetamine (bad), mephedrone (bad), poppy tea/tramadol (bad), zopiclone/etizolam (bad), tobacco (moderate)
its all in your head, once that's in control its about managing the physical symptoms and getting through the aftermath. in time you get back to normal from every drug even if (like amphetamine ) it takes years. normality after opiates comes back quicker than with amphetamine, you just have to get used to having emotions again and fill your time with lots of physical excercise and stop beating yourself up mentally about shit you cant change and make the changes that are possible that will improve your life immeasurably
you simply have to chose that you no longer want to engage in those behaviours painful as that may be in the short term...
i've broken addictions to amphetamine (bad), mephedrone (bad), poppy tea/tramadol (bad), zopiclone/etizolam (bad), tobacco (moderate)
its all in your head, once that's in control its about managing the physical symptoms and getting through the aftermath. in time you get back to normal from every drug even if (like amphetamine ) it takes years. normality after opiates comes back quicker than with amphetamine, you just have to get used to having emotions again and fill your time with lots of physical excercise and stop beating yourself up mentally about shit you cant change and make the changes that are possible that will improve your life immeasurably
cj
Bluelight Crew
Bullshit they are not better off without you. Get on methadone
Desire can be our strongest motivation, but it's hard to think of the long-term when the short-term is so rewarding. The problem with breaking an addiction is that it takes so long to reap rewards and without an immense effort the rewards will rarely be as satisfying as a good shot of cheap dope. I don't have kids but I would imagine that the reward of one day having a tight family again and being a part of how your kids make their way in the world is worth all the dope in the world. Focus on what the future could be like. Since you've already got a family, all you need to do is get back in their good graces by being the best dad you can be and things will work out.
privatestock1988
Bluelighter
i think your kids need u man every child needs a dad. stop being so hard on yourself just because your a junkie doesnt mean your kids are better off without u. if u got clean im sure u would be a great dad with a lot of knowledge about life to share.
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
kids who's parents are addicts are far more likely to become addicts themselves IME
badfish45
Bluelight Crew
You are a parent. You have children depending on your emotional support and you owe it to them to get clean. This Is a child's life, please realize the drugs are not worth the emotional damage they will suffer. Get clean before things get really bad. They are not better without you.
DooMMooD
Bluelighter
I know this is a long post, but I really hope the OP, as well as others, give it a read. I feel it contains very important information that I gained from mine own personal experiences. The TL;DR is that having an addict father FUCKED ME UP. Here goes:
I cannot even begin to describe, in words, the impact having an addicted (alcoholic) father had on me. It might in fact be impossible to describe every single obvious and far reaching effect this had on my life, all of which were negative, to clear up any question of whether or not it was a "good thing". It was far from a good thing. Sure, he was PHYSICALLY AROUND, but I effectively grew up for 15 years without a father: I never had him "there" to show me "how to be a man," I never learned how to flirt or ask out a girl, I never had a father who wanted to have catch with me (unless he was sober), I never had a father show me how to have a healthy relationship with his family, or his children, UNTIL HE GOT CLEAN!
He did get clean, when I was around age 15. And he has done his best since then, but even his best intentions now neither atone for what happened to me, nor repair the damage. It was impossible to fix: the damage was done, end of story. And after? having a father for the past 6 years? It has not undone lacking one for the first 15. I became a heroin addict myself, in part because I consciously choose to steer clear of alcohol, although ironically fell into other drugs due to my logical thinking and obvious genetic abnormalities. I justified other drugs but shunned alcohol because I saw what it did. Your children might do the same: they may shun heroin, dump on drugs, etc, but think it PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE to drink their problems away! In fact if they do suffer the way i have, i'd put 1,000$ on alcohol being their DOC.
Am I saying this is guaranteed to happen? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that it is a very, very, very distinct possibility, which you should be aware of. Do you want your children becoming addicted to another substance? They definitely will avoid heroin like the plague, but they'll justify other cheap escapes (ie drugs), in particular a legal one. I shunned the legal one but ironically thought (at the time) that the illegal one was more acceptable. "Oh, well opiates make me BETTER! They make me more social/more focused/more studious/etc, and whats wrong with a release like that? My parents utilized drugs in some form, why cant I use a different one!"
Your children becoming addicts is but a single, solitary, personal example of the possible damage done to them. I have not even delved into the complex underlying emotional issues that I experience (should I love a dying man who was never there for me, but is trying to make up for it now? Do I forgive such a man for doing this to me? How do I BEGIN to do so? Why SHOULD I do so?) such as: never completing projects because they never received constant encouragement, never being able to deal with a family in the correct way because they had nothing but bad examples, always acting out because they seek attention from a parent that does not give enough, etc etc etc. There are a million ways that your children could be negatively impacted. Some of which could quite possibly be unique to your situation, and not previously heard of, meaning there might be no way to "fix" the damage, if there even is a way to fix ANY of this damage.
In short: your kids are going to be fucked up. Sorry to put it so bluntly, so harshly, and frighten you so. But man, if I could save other children from suffering in the same way I did...then hurting your feelings and scaring you is not only of no consequence, but I would do it a hundred times over.
Just be aware of the damage you are going to do to your kids if you don't get clean. Please be aware that your actions are going to have true, deep, consequences and inexorably change the lives of your children. I would not wish my worst enemy to lack a father, any more than I would wish them to have a heroin addiction.
Once again, no guarantees either way. I am not definitively saying your kids will be fucked up, or wont' be. I am just saying you are stacking the odds so against them and not giving them a fair shot at a happy, normal lives themselves. I am assuming based on what you've written, that you obviously hate being an addict: why would you want to put that same onus on your kids? Why would you want to put ANY unnecessary burdens on your children?
Do them the favor: get clean, or allow them to have another father. Children need a father, I wish I had one during my own childhood.
I cannot even begin to describe, in words, the impact having an addicted (alcoholic) father had on me. It might in fact be impossible to describe every single obvious and far reaching effect this had on my life, all of which were negative, to clear up any question of whether or not it was a "good thing". It was far from a good thing. Sure, he was PHYSICALLY AROUND, but I effectively grew up for 15 years without a father: I never had him "there" to show me "how to be a man," I never learned how to flirt or ask out a girl, I never had a father who wanted to have catch with me (unless he was sober), I never had a father show me how to have a healthy relationship with his family, or his children, UNTIL HE GOT CLEAN!
He did get clean, when I was around age 15. And he has done his best since then, but even his best intentions now neither atone for what happened to me, nor repair the damage. It was impossible to fix: the damage was done, end of story. And after? having a father for the past 6 years? It has not undone lacking one for the first 15. I became a heroin addict myself, in part because I consciously choose to steer clear of alcohol, although ironically fell into other drugs due to my logical thinking and obvious genetic abnormalities. I justified other drugs but shunned alcohol because I saw what it did. Your children might do the same: they may shun heroin, dump on drugs, etc, but think it PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE to drink their problems away! In fact if they do suffer the way i have, i'd put 1,000$ on alcohol being their DOC.
Am I saying this is guaranteed to happen? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that it is a very, very, very distinct possibility, which you should be aware of. Do you want your children becoming addicted to another substance? They definitely will avoid heroin like the plague, but they'll justify other cheap escapes (ie drugs), in particular a legal one. I shunned the legal one but ironically thought (at the time) that the illegal one was more acceptable. "Oh, well opiates make me BETTER! They make me more social/more focused/more studious/etc, and whats wrong with a release like that? My parents utilized drugs in some form, why cant I use a different one!"
Your children becoming addicts is but a single, solitary, personal example of the possible damage done to them. I have not even delved into the complex underlying emotional issues that I experience (should I love a dying man who was never there for me, but is trying to make up for it now? Do I forgive such a man for doing this to me? How do I BEGIN to do so? Why SHOULD I do so?) such as: never completing projects because they never received constant encouragement, never being able to deal with a family in the correct way because they had nothing but bad examples, always acting out because they seek attention from a parent that does not give enough, etc etc etc. There are a million ways that your children could be negatively impacted. Some of which could quite possibly be unique to your situation, and not previously heard of, meaning there might be no way to "fix" the damage, if there even is a way to fix ANY of this damage.
In short: your kids are going to be fucked up. Sorry to put it so bluntly, so harshly, and frighten you so. But man, if I could save other children from suffering in the same way I did...then hurting your feelings and scaring you is not only of no consequence, but I would do it a hundred times over.
Just be aware of the damage you are going to do to your kids if you don't get clean. Please be aware that your actions are going to have true, deep, consequences and inexorably change the lives of your children. I would not wish my worst enemy to lack a father, any more than I would wish them to have a heroin addiction.
Once again, no guarantees either way. I am not definitively saying your kids will be fucked up, or wont' be. I am just saying you are stacking the odds so against them and not giving them a fair shot at a happy, normal lives themselves. I am assuming based on what you've written, that you obviously hate being an addict: why would you want to put that same onus on your kids? Why would you want to put ANY unnecessary burdens on your children?
Do them the favor: get clean, or allow them to have another father. Children need a father, I wish I had one during my own childhood.
Last edited:
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
OP, I understand the situation must be horribly difficult for you but I agree with the above posters who have said it sounds like your ex-wife is making the right decision. Do you really want your children to see you like that? It would be immensely difficult for them. I don't know how old they are, and it would hurt them differently depending on that but nothing good could come out of it, that's for sure. I know you can stop taking drugs, and see your children as a motivation for that. There are plenty of ways to go about it - I'm assuming by dope you mean heroin, so have you considered suboxone/methadone maintenance, NA meetings...? Think about how much happier you'll be once you're done with that. Yes, it will be tough at first, but the intense withdrawal symptoms only last a few days and thinsg will get better with everything second that passes.
FrostyMcFailure
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2004
- Messages
- 4,521
put the damn needle down get on suboxone & see your family.. I havent used H for a long time.. but my being sober wont bring back the dead. Youve been given a beautiful gift & that is life.. Cease the opportunity
motherofearth
Bluelighter
You are going to need to conjure up a reason to quit for yourself. You'll get clean for your kids, but you won't stay clean for them. You have to structure your life in a way which isn't compatible w/ using - chances are, doing this will be conducive to reconciling w/ your family as a byproduct.