Really wish I had jumped off when I spaced meds on Vacation this summer. Backstory: Heroin addict for 5 years finally quit in January. I relapsed and OD?d for hopefully the last time back at The end of May. After 6 months clean time and a couple of scary slips decided to get on low dose of subs. Now I have tapered down to .75 and I?m unbelievably miserable. I have this weird smell/odor that is sickening that comes and goes(rare). Stomach issues, lack of motivation and guilt have consumed my thoughts. I have to get off the subs as I only feel damage from them now. Personally I am scared to do the things I used to do in fear of relapse, I am starting back therapy as it was helpful at first but generally I cannot find peace. Oh yes I did taper off benzo after 13 years this summer and have been off those too for over a month, which could be part of the problem. I thought that getting Sober was the hard part, but really staying Sober is a bitch. I?m in no way going to ruin all I have struggled for but I?m at my wits end. I do laugh often and hard but when I?m down it?s very sad. I do try and focus on the present but at night after the kiddo goes down, it can be very defeating and I have all but chased away the woman who stood by me this year. So annoyed with myself. Praying for peace.