Hazyasusual
Bluelighter
So I've used substances for about five years now, but just recently began using psychedelics ( about a year ago ).
For the past five or six month's i've been having this thing where when im with people and were having a discussion I think that they're trying to hint to me that they know something or i did something, and i don't remember.
Im not sure if they're actually hinting and im just choosing to think its all mental, or if it is all mental and they're not hinting about anything.
I mentioned the psychedelics because im pretty sure this was all started when i was with two friends and we had all taken some MDA. At the time i had a good amount and had spent the last two days taking small doses, with out a scale and eyeballed, bad idea i know, I was fairly comfortable with it and decided to share with my friends.
I brought it over to my friends and since i was expecting some form of tolerance from dosing three days in a row I took double the amount they did. We then went on a walk in the woods.
We would be having a conversation and one or the other would say something that made no sense, or was completely irrelevant, and i would ask if they were hinting something or if the sentence had a different meaning, they would become completely silent or ask what i thought it meant, leading me to come up with some meaning for it. I'd ask if this or that was what they meant, and they would be completely silent, no yes or no, or your just tripping. The process would repeat itself from there.
I would ask them if they were fucking with me and they would either change the topic or fall silent and not answer me ( this went on for about a half hour to an hour, maybe longer ) I eventually completely broke down from frustration and confusion and with tears in my eyes begged them to stop it. One friend tried to continue but the other noticed the agony that i was in and told him to stop. They admitted that they had been playing mind games with me but thought it was therapeutic because the solutions id come up with were very emotional and related to our friendship. Its partially my fault for not informing them that i was tripping harder than they were, but i though we were all on the same level and the communication was not needed. Needless to say i was paranoid for the rest of the trip.
The experience left me so emotionally drained that when we returned from our walk i immediately laid down on the bed and passed out.
Does my assumption about this being the root seem right?
I've been able to rationalize most of it when i moved overseas and knew no one, thus the thought that they were hinting something was not possible. Now i have made a group of friends and the my mental thing has started to return more frequently the better i get to know them. Its annoying because it affects my ability to make friendships and is stressful on my mind. Either way sorry if this post is a bit long, i just wanted to write this up somewhere and hear other peoples opinions
For the past five or six month's i've been having this thing where when im with people and were having a discussion I think that they're trying to hint to me that they know something or i did something, and i don't remember.
Im not sure if they're actually hinting and im just choosing to think its all mental, or if it is all mental and they're not hinting about anything.
I mentioned the psychedelics because im pretty sure this was all started when i was with two friends and we had all taken some MDA. At the time i had a good amount and had spent the last two days taking small doses, with out a scale and eyeballed, bad idea i know, I was fairly comfortable with it and decided to share with my friends.
I brought it over to my friends and since i was expecting some form of tolerance from dosing three days in a row I took double the amount they did. We then went on a walk in the woods.
We would be having a conversation and one or the other would say something that made no sense, or was completely irrelevant, and i would ask if they were hinting something or if the sentence had a different meaning, they would become completely silent or ask what i thought it meant, leading me to come up with some meaning for it. I'd ask if this or that was what they meant, and they would be completely silent, no yes or no, or your just tripping. The process would repeat itself from there.
I would ask them if they were fucking with me and they would either change the topic or fall silent and not answer me ( this went on for about a half hour to an hour, maybe longer ) I eventually completely broke down from frustration and confusion and with tears in my eyes begged them to stop it. One friend tried to continue but the other noticed the agony that i was in and told him to stop. They admitted that they had been playing mind games with me but thought it was therapeutic because the solutions id come up with were very emotional and related to our friendship. Its partially my fault for not informing them that i was tripping harder than they were, but i though we were all on the same level and the communication was not needed. Needless to say i was paranoid for the rest of the trip.
The experience left me so emotionally drained that when we returned from our walk i immediately laid down on the bed and passed out.
Does my assumption about this being the root seem right?
I've been able to rationalize most of it when i moved overseas and knew no one, thus the thought that they were hinting something was not possible. Now i have made a group of friends and the my mental thing has started to return more frequently the better i get to know them. Its annoying because it affects my ability to make friendships and is stressful on my mind. Either way sorry if this post is a bit long, i just wanted to write this up somewhere and hear other peoples opinions