Methamphetamine. LSD. Shrooms. Coke. Mad questions for someone very lost.

[Winchester77]

Alright guys, this is a long time coming. I don't want to waste too much time, my situation is strange, or at least too strange to find any feedback on with just a google search.

Age-24

One year ago I did meth. 10 dollars worth, it was a very negative experience. Up until that point drugs had always been a positive thing for me. Did psychedelics, LSD and shrooms, from 18 to 20. Genius drugs, helped me understand how things worked. Best way I could describe it is that the way I thought growing up was very attune to lsd and shrooms. They were the answers I was always looking for. One big trip if you guys feel me.

You only need to do those drugs so many times before you realize hey, thats it. No more trips don't need it anymore. Everythings set. At the age of 23 I started using ecstacy sparingly, going to raves never was a problem max pill count maybe around 20 my whole life, and that was a 6 month period. I did coke at a rave for the first time and that definitely made me cocky. Made me curious about drugs in a way I never was before. I wanted to experiment with amphetamines. Unfortunately due to my eager drug curiousity and the shitty jargon between amphetamines and methamphetamines, the latter being neurotoxic and the former not so much from what I've researched, I ended up doing meth. Basically I fucked up and did meth when I wanted to do amphetamines. But it was my fault, I know that.

Meth was a terrible experience, I didn't realize it at the time when I was on it, I was moving so fast and was so narrow minded, basically my brain was hijacked, that I didn't realize until i finally crashed how terrible the drug was and that the hell was beginning to set in. I lost my job around the same time because I stole a product and got caught. After that for two to three weeks there was a period where I don't remember anything except sleeping all day, waking up to pound a shit load of tyrosine to boost my dopamine levels, and knocking out again.

I remember fear, alot of it. Thats when I realized that when they say meth is neurotoxic, they really mean that shit. I was desperate, scared, alone and craving any type of answers I could find. I knew meth was terrible, to have done such positive psychadelics in the past and suddenly be in that situation was life threatening and mind shattering. Everything I thought I knew about drugs was over, and about life as well. I'd lived a good lucky life until that point. You hear about things happening to people, death of a loved one, rape and child molestation, but you really don't understand the concept of that pain until you go through it. And worse than that, I know that there are people still having a harder time than me. I'm rooting for you motherfuckers. Meth was my breaking point, made me see the ugliest most rotten parts of the world that we block out to keep our lives happy and carefree. Horrors that you could never imagine were suddenly very real for me. And I really don't understand because I only did it once.

I did do lsd and shrooms following the meth though. LSD and shrooms were always a positive thing for me, and so out of desperation. And the constant fear, anxiety, and strain I felt on my brain I took half a tab of acid that "woke" me up, slightly.

Unfortunately that made me cocky too, and two days later I ate a gram of shrooms. (I did do them for medicinal purposes though, but looking back it was too soon after the meth probably.)

After that I was always confused, I could get by but inside my mind, it was more like I was on autopilot. Like, because I took those psychadelics I felt the pain of meth at a universal level. The meth never stopped, at least in my mind. I feel like maybe it piggybacked onto the lsd and shroom trip and stayed for a lot longer than it might've otherwise.

About every three months after that I would take a small acid trip, half a tab or one tab, to help me keep moving forward. I started acting weird, sounding like a bitch is the best way I could describe it so my friends wouldn't even talk to me. They didn't know how to respond which I understand.

Everyday, of every second, I haven't stopped physically feeling my brain since I did meth.

The psychadelics, imo, made me feel my brain that much more which really fucked with me. LSD did the job of making sure I'd never do meth again and not end my life. I wasn't too worried about suicide, but when it got dark. Jesus, violent, bloody, sexual vivid images would constantly be shot into my head. Like it was the meth telling me if you don't do meth again, I will keep showing you these images. The psychadelics were a double edged sword I guess. Helped me remember who i was and what was worth living for, but also gave the meth a kind of weird, extended extra life as well.

I stuck through it, smoked pot endlessly to drown out the noise (violent bloody images), and a month and half ago I had a beautiful shroom trip that realigned some parts in my brain. For me to say at this point, that the psychadelics didn't help would be wrong. I just don't know if in the long run its prolonging this feeling in my brain that constantly makes me suffer.

This feeling in my brain i'm talking about. Basically, the front left side of my brain feels like its on fire sometimes. During the beginning stages (a year ago up until 6 months ago) I could feel the left side and right sides of my brain basically in a balancing act. Like it was growing or trying to balance out my chemistry. During the darkest times it physically felt like there was a long black centipede along the side of my right brain, and that if I could cut the top of my skull open, I could just scrape all the terrible black goop of what I always thought was meth out of my brain. Also like someone cut open the top of my skull, got a scalpel and jabbed and sliced like a madman (the cuts felt chaotically random the way they were placed) and then sowed the top of my head back on and sent me on my way.

Even now as I'm writing, i still feel it. But no where nearly as bad as it was in the past. Now its more the right back side of my brain feels like it gets strained, and the front of my brain as well. Like if I try to have an intelligent thought, try to control my brain it gets strained and I start making all these strange facial ticks. (opening only one eye wide, or trying to open both eyes wide like a "eureka" moment, only to feel like my brain can only reach 50 percent of the feeling i used to feel before the meth.)

Like I'm trying to access parts of my brain that I used to have, but now are still dormant and getting used to being somewhat available.

It is interesting that dopamine production I learned is in the left front side of the brain, and that the right back side is responsible for social interactions, which has been a struggle for me as well. I used to be really good at talking to people, now I struggle with every conversation.

I think thats everything. Basically, wtf. I only did meth once. I guess the psychadelics prolonged it. But wtf, I only did meth once. I'm a bitch I know that, my mind is not meant for that type of drug. Meth is definitely not the thinking man's drug because you'll think yourself insane.

I went to an emergency room a couple days ago cause I was finally tired of it all. They put the same social stigma perception on pot as meth so that pretty much made me discount them. I took shrooms and lsd for the positive, therapeutic experiences and they discounted them as well. Which honestly was a relief, cause it made me feel sane. Because the shrooms and lsd a month after the meth was a mistake. But shrooms and lsd a month ago, is the right direction. And I know I'd still be feeling strain in my brain much stronger than what it is now. Though I did talk to someone at the level of a nurse therapist type, so fuck her I know a psychiatrist would give a better evaluation (which I do intend on getting.)

Like I said before, I have social interaction problems. The way I talk to people now, it's like. I was living in such hell and constant pain and mental anguish, repeatedly for 6 months before there was finally any sense of relief, that coming out the other side when I could finally see things somewhat normally, I was a different person. PTSD or something like that. And even then it was another 6 months before I began to feel maybe 50% of who I used to be. The guy I am now.

I'm looking for information, drug professionals neurologist types who can help me. I think it's a brain chemistry thing. It's just that, it's been a fucking year.. and I'm fucking tired of fighting and physically feeling my brain.

I dont know. As I write this and read this all over, it just looks like a myriad of fucks. I hope someone cares, gives a shit, can put some type of input.

TL;dr
Did meth, 10 bux worth. (a year ago)
Got scared did acid and shrooms a month later (half tab and a gram)
constant fear and anxiety, as well as self loathing. (for 6 months after the meth)
constantly physically feeling my brain like someone had gotten a knife cut open my head, lacerated it randomly deep wounds and closed it up and sent me on my way. (for probably 9 to 10 months, every second of every day never ending)
wondering wtf i only did meth once
feel certain parts of my brain; front left feels like its on fire sometimes, back right part of my brain feels like its struggling to grow. (sounds weird but my brain sometimes feels like dry skin, thats crackling because its trying to stretch larger than what it really is)
looking for answers. because i'm tired of fighting alone.
wondering if doing shrooms again would be beneficial
wondering if doing salvia would be beneficial. (did it once, very overwhelming felt like a 5 minute shroom trip which wasnt necessary because I had done lsd and shrooms multiple times at that point, but looking at it now i feel like it could do some good.)
i just want to be normal again

i love you guys. take care. and anyone who can help, give me tips for getting better, i'd appreciate it.

 

[barcrudorpoop]

Hey man. 19 years old and landed sort of in a similar predicament.
Cant say I had a bad experience because I enjoyed the moment. But what came after I was stuck - in a well. more lazy than I already am - less motivated for school and ditch classes wtf - and my brain just felt different - everything was different, foreign but I kept in my Head this is the consequence of My choice - taking meth

I've had a short history of psychedelics.. 25-i or the synthetic lsd that scattered around my city provided by dealers... I've had 1 bad experience for myself and experience 2 other friends nearly lose control of theor body and mind - a terrible alternative to real lsd. But as for Me I rode a thought way to long and I ended up lost within a dark depth of the mind. I didnt feel right I felt foreign.in my own body like I didn't belong.. rode a bad tthought again ended up voices - conversations that were none existent
- voicez were talking in my head having conversations most wasn't even comprehendable - but someone tried talking to me And that voice guided me back to my anchor of reality - back in the real world - but that one voice was still there. I was silent for the rest of the trip recollecting who I am and grasping reality because I was saved thanks to thst voice who now still guides and occupies my mind - gets irrational at times and it affects my own choices like This thing is part of my subconcious. I didn't burden my friends who were also tripping to protect them - keeping them ignorant cause they were enjoying what they produced in ther mind.
SHrooms never provided me with a bad trip. Can say overwhelming but once a threshold has been broken you grow tolerant of certain things. My shoots experiences were therapeutical I took after that 25-I trip same year within a 5 week window (really helped with the recollection that I still am working on because on top of smoking cannabis recreationally I've affected my memory so lots of hazy past.. A group of friends drinking shroom tea - A group of friends bonded together through drugs and honesty we had decided to come clean or get first off our shoulders - this taught me when it really comes down to life - your choices and actions all have effects and every individual is different - especially how ones body takes the drugs.


My survival kit and what keeps me walking and breathing on this beautiful planet.. |meditation| when you can clear your mind - or even have hyper focus on a certain area - meditation puts the brain in a sleeping state and with patience and time will aid you in your recovery back into life.

next one is just occupy yourself - find the motivation in places you wouldn't. Really to spend your time on passion - doing what you love - a circle of family/friends will come along as long as you do what you love and being around what you love to do - musicians find inspiration in painteRs as well as vice vrsa.

Instead of running from the problems that seem to stay on you like.shadows UNLESS you face the music - without tending to the problem it will still persist and more problems will arise on its path And it gets all complicated

I like keep in mind - that what ever has affected me Was done at my choice - no reason for me mope around and do nothing cause I was aware of the consequences and destruction it bringS
And moping will not help having the attitude to beat the problems is enough motivation for me cause if I'm not committed I'm susceptible to loss of self-control

Since I refuse tell any human I meet face to Face - my support system is the Internet - stories about those who beat the addiction and now Lead happily repaired lives - this showz that the human body although through so much abuse you can come Back to where the grass is much greener and feelings that are not drug fueled
if need be
or even on the other side of the spectrum - read about horrible meth cases and how they dealt with it

a support system during recovery - someone to talk to can bring an individual back to their feet and stay on their feet
The Internet is the best resource for so many dillemma with meth
and I was glad I came across this made an account to chipin my 2 cents and how I'm fighting what easy manipulates. Although-I've chatted with meth addicts who just laugh at me cause im.tripping over 3 experiences with it when they are like recovering addicts who would slam 2-3 times a day
Have in mind that every individual is different for me I think what is helping me is my little mind-manifested Being that came back with me during 25i. misadventures into the dark side of the mind
shroom trips - and psychedelics in general have made my mind stronger - trying to fight the power of Meth. Although they are classified as different drugs the altered new mindstate psychedelics provided kept me strong minded when I was on meth. It's just lingering effects that persist hindering me in my fight against potential addiction - but with a strong will strong mind and distractions and being busy will hopefully help me cope till my body rids it self of the toxins and effect of those toxins And the cravings the persisting effect has.


Enjoy what you love (distracting the mind and the body can be great tools in your recovering state. occupation of any kind thst are not harmful will keep mind offa the drugs.
- we force our neuro receptors to take in the over Flux of neurotransmitters not naturally produced/generated for body + the toxins that tag along with meth. Damaging and maybe burning out the receptor that is the source of much of the problems - wanting to reactivate that circuit is the craving
lack of fEelings/appetite/motivation Occurs because the neuroreceptors are burned out and no long funxioning.
if I don't take action a into my hands soon - I'll end up seeing myself in a hole I can't get out of.

I feel you on what you say you felt the pain of Meth universally - iT's a drug - highly addictive - highly destructive by-product and whotever is in it's path Are susceptible to grave danger - as I was with prior experience I like to think psychedelics was both at fault and plays a role in my sanity it developed a a good willpower in the mind with altered mindstate thanks through the history of drugs
- idk plant seeds in your head feed it everyday and let it grow blossom into a new life that can provide the life you once knew again or learn new joys in life.

Survival kit: hehe
don't dodge the problem attack it, these types of problems cannot fix themselves - in other words full commitment is required - an addict who's made up his mind will always find a way back.
stay strong and healthy - eating well and getting regular can expedite the renewal/cleaning process.
keep your mind strong - I've picked up meditation practice because who knows what the brainwaves can do to the body... I just have my own belief on that the practice is healthy for the brain since it is put into a sleep-like state the brain may repair itself in due time and patience. Meth will no longer be a factor in your life.
as for me I plan to remove myself from the enviornment infamous for meth- cleAnse my body of toxins through pizz swat and exercise. Let the body do its thing on its own and time will reward you if you stay committed.

I live my life with no regrets and to experience meth is an experience I definitely do not regret because it has taught me - a little about the world, myself, and just no longer being ignorant about it will help me in the future if j ever face another situation like so.
- although school does a damn good job I just don't listen.
Please provide yourself with Support and research your own -

exercise and eat well whole aND healthy
environmental precautions
occupancy in the body mind and time
the planting seed idea is a personal favourite because it's like the root of all bliss or problems their exist a source so attain or cut off that source and you're well on the way being whole again.
hope to hear back after a year of no feedback
I'm sorry it's all humbled and wall of text but tried writing on this phone tweaked out exhausted at 5-6 am I just really gotta get some kind word out.