indelibleface
Bluelight Crew
In the annals of my history with drug use which, honestly, is only about a year and a half long, I have never had it in my mind to proclaim, "Well, I've never tried meth before, let's go track some down. Adventure time!" Honestly, it never appealed to me, and probably for good reason. My girlfriend used to be a heavy tweaker type, smoking meth several times a day, everyday, for up to a week at a time. It led to her breaking up with her then boyfriend of two years, and getting her kicked out of her Dad's place.
Now, as a side note, I've never had any sort of addictive personality. My only weakness is just a simple attraction to getting smashed. I just generally enjoy drugs from time to time, and I tend to get carried away sometimes. Not to any one particular drug of course, but any drug, as long as I had properly done some sort of quasi-intellectual research on Erowid and Bluelight and determined, with my lack of any sort of medical degree, that it was reasonably safe to try.
I went to a party a few days back, on a Sunday, no less, attracted by the fact that one of my friends was selling ecstasy pills for dirt cheap (she was practically giving them away). I mean, considering it was winter break from college, who could pass that up? Don't answer that question, I still happen to have some joy in MDMA after using it, off and on (re: a little less than once a month, with a few minor binges way early this year in which I'd ingest a couple pills in a couple weeks when I really felt like frying my precious serotonin receptors) for over a year. I hadn't used ecstasy in over two months by this point anyway, so I figured I'd like another go. After taking my pill at about 11:00am, I enjoyed the party, which wasn't anything more than a little kickback, with most drunk, a few rolling, and a couple on shrooms. At about 4:30am, we headed back to my friend J's house and sat around, hoping sleep would fix our restless comedown.
A few hours later, it was morning, and we were about to pass out. I considered trying to get a pathetic sort of sleep before this afternoon in which I would have to take care of several things, including experiencing the utter joys of the Department of Motor Vehicles. That's when J suggested we acquire some meth, and take care of what we had to do while spun (she occasionally uses meth, sometimes to get herself able to function at work after a long party). I had never used meth, but it seemed like a decent experiment to attempt, because I really did not want to push these tasks back a day, and being twacked out just might give me the drive and focus to finish these things. I told myself, "Well hey, I can pass out tonight of course. Crystal meth will solve my problems!" I looked to meth as a way to fix my motivational problems caused by precisely zero sleep the previous night. I figured it would prop me up to some semblance of awake status. I took some vitamins, anticipating a total lack of appetite.
And there it went. At 9:30am, I insufflated a fairly modest line of meth, under the guidance of two of my relatively experienced yet mildly insane friends. All of a sudden, there was a a sudden dull sinus ache that lasted no more than five seconds (aggh, my frontal lobe is melting...), and it elicted no more than a simple "Uhm, ouch?" After about five minutes, I started to feel like I was rolling again, although not quite there. It was like the "fire burning inside" feeling of MDMA without the disorientation or lovey-dovey feelings. In addition, I felt focused and ready to kick ass in the world outside. I was taken aback at the fact that I really had no desire to sleep, period, when just minutes before, I was in danger of acute narcolepsy on my friend's couch (I used to be nearly as twacked as this on ecstasy, but lately I've had no real problems with sleeping on that comedown).
After smoking a few hits, one from a pipe, and one each from a makeshift lightbulb pipe and that clandestine aluminum foil technique (so wasteful!), I felt I was at the level I wanted to be at (each of these hits were spaced out about five to twenty minutes in between to allow proper pacing). Me and my friend D headed out to take care of my business while J went to work.
In the early afternoon, I was suprised at how little I got done. I mean, we did accomplish a couple easy tasks that required only superficially intensive brain power, but by the time I was ready to take care of some serious stuff, I was beginning to come down. At this point, between 1:00 and 4:00pm, I felt largely unmotivated, and wanted nothing more than to sit or lay down. But, not to sleep of course, just stare blankly at things and converse ad nauseum with my fellow twacked out friend of mine. I was still stimulated, but not nearly as much. The comedown mirrors MDMA at times, but it is much more drawn out and not exactly as disappointing or startling. I noticed that if people do become paranoid on meth, it's usually during the comedown. I never felt paranoid, but I felt slightly more sensitive to stimuli that I would normally ignore, and I could see how one could feel paranoid given the right circumstances.
We still had a few things that we thought we would be able to do, thus we were not nearly ready to pass out yet. Here's where I made a few errors. At around 4:15pm, I insufflated another rather average line and then smoked a few hits off of some aluminum foil. In retrospect, I was still feeling the effects of the initial doses from 9:00am, and it being approximately six hours into the experience, a much smaller booster dose would have been appropriate, especially my first time.
I became more or less high out of my freakin' gourd. It seems to me that methamphetamine has two reasonably defined plateaus to the average experience. You can do enough to function, focus, and be sociable while negating any sort of fatigue, or you can do enough to shoot your body into overdrive, allowing your brain to function at about 500% of normal speed with about 20% of normal efficiency. I obviously missed that first level this time. I felt unable to focus on anything; it felt like the drug induced massive ADD (I guess ADHD would be more appropriate in this case). I felt almost like Jim Carrey in that Jimmy Tango's Fatbusters skit on SNL (RIDE THE SNAKE!). I could not act sober. My eyes were wide, my hands were jittery, and I basically felt overstimulated to a mildly uncomfortable level. Fortunately, my pulse and heartrate were fast, but not dangerously fast, according to my friend, and I wasn't sweating at all. For obvious reasons, I decided to abstain from any more of this disturbingly fun self-medication and took it easy for a while on my bed with an ice cold cup of Gatorade.
At about 9:00pm, I felt good enough to take my friend D home and go relax with my girlfriend. I wasn't able to sleep until basically 1:00am, and the sleep that I actually got was mildly uncomfortable. I was only able to sleep until about 6:30am or 7:00am. Before sleep, and even the morning after, I felt not depressed in an MDMA sense, but merely a feeling of insane fatigue coupled with some minor nausea (which cleared up when I ate actual food) and sores in my mouth from mild clenching and a hyperactive, overcurious tongue. My mind was also cloudy, and I had mild problems with intense articulation. All of this cleared up by the end of the day.
In conclusion, I thought methamphetamine would fix my lack of motivation and my rash stupidity, evidenced by my eagerness to get trashed on a Sunday night. Unfortunately, it just made me feel stupider, at least on the comedowns. During the peaks, I felt like doing things, but only some things, and not others. Which, I suppose, is basically like real life, and in that sense it really helped nothing. If properly motivated and rested, I would have no use for this drug (as if there's any real long term, non-dangerous, beneficial use for it, anyway). Also, by the time I hit the forty hour mark without sleep, I felt like Frankenstein: a normally immobile, zombie-like corpse only really being propped up by an outside force (like electricity, or in this case, tweak). I've had a brief two day taste of the crazy world of meth, and I've had enough (again, I have no real addictive personality, at least when sober. On this drug, I felt the need to be higher all the time, which was immensely troubling). It just seems so destructive from my perspective. There are better, safer drugs out there for me.
Now, as a side note, I've never had any sort of addictive personality. My only weakness is just a simple attraction to getting smashed. I just generally enjoy drugs from time to time, and I tend to get carried away sometimes. Not to any one particular drug of course, but any drug, as long as I had properly done some sort of quasi-intellectual research on Erowid and Bluelight and determined, with my lack of any sort of medical degree, that it was reasonably safe to try.
I went to a party a few days back, on a Sunday, no less, attracted by the fact that one of my friends was selling ecstasy pills for dirt cheap (she was practically giving them away). I mean, considering it was winter break from college, who could pass that up? Don't answer that question, I still happen to have some joy in MDMA after using it, off and on (re: a little less than once a month, with a few minor binges way early this year in which I'd ingest a couple pills in a couple weeks when I really felt like frying my precious serotonin receptors) for over a year. I hadn't used ecstasy in over two months by this point anyway, so I figured I'd like another go. After taking my pill at about 11:00am, I enjoyed the party, which wasn't anything more than a little kickback, with most drunk, a few rolling, and a couple on shrooms. At about 4:30am, we headed back to my friend J's house and sat around, hoping sleep would fix our restless comedown.
A few hours later, it was morning, and we were about to pass out. I considered trying to get a pathetic sort of sleep before this afternoon in which I would have to take care of several things, including experiencing the utter joys of the Department of Motor Vehicles. That's when J suggested we acquire some meth, and take care of what we had to do while spun (she occasionally uses meth, sometimes to get herself able to function at work after a long party). I had never used meth, but it seemed like a decent experiment to attempt, because I really did not want to push these tasks back a day, and being twacked out just might give me the drive and focus to finish these things. I told myself, "Well hey, I can pass out tonight of course. Crystal meth will solve my problems!" I looked to meth as a way to fix my motivational problems caused by precisely zero sleep the previous night. I figured it would prop me up to some semblance of awake status. I took some vitamins, anticipating a total lack of appetite.
And there it went. At 9:30am, I insufflated a fairly modest line of meth, under the guidance of two of my relatively experienced yet mildly insane friends. All of a sudden, there was a a sudden dull sinus ache that lasted no more than five seconds (aggh, my frontal lobe is melting...), and it elicted no more than a simple "Uhm, ouch?" After about five minutes, I started to feel like I was rolling again, although not quite there. It was like the "fire burning inside" feeling of MDMA without the disorientation or lovey-dovey feelings. In addition, I felt focused and ready to kick ass in the world outside. I was taken aback at the fact that I really had no desire to sleep, period, when just minutes before, I was in danger of acute narcolepsy on my friend's couch (I used to be nearly as twacked as this on ecstasy, but lately I've had no real problems with sleeping on that comedown).
After smoking a few hits, one from a pipe, and one each from a makeshift lightbulb pipe and that clandestine aluminum foil technique (so wasteful!), I felt I was at the level I wanted to be at (each of these hits were spaced out about five to twenty minutes in between to allow proper pacing). Me and my friend D headed out to take care of my business while J went to work.
In the early afternoon, I was suprised at how little I got done. I mean, we did accomplish a couple easy tasks that required only superficially intensive brain power, but by the time I was ready to take care of some serious stuff, I was beginning to come down. At this point, between 1:00 and 4:00pm, I felt largely unmotivated, and wanted nothing more than to sit or lay down. But, not to sleep of course, just stare blankly at things and converse ad nauseum with my fellow twacked out friend of mine. I was still stimulated, but not nearly as much. The comedown mirrors MDMA at times, but it is much more drawn out and not exactly as disappointing or startling. I noticed that if people do become paranoid on meth, it's usually during the comedown. I never felt paranoid, but I felt slightly more sensitive to stimuli that I would normally ignore, and I could see how one could feel paranoid given the right circumstances.
We still had a few things that we thought we would be able to do, thus we were not nearly ready to pass out yet. Here's where I made a few errors. At around 4:15pm, I insufflated another rather average line and then smoked a few hits off of some aluminum foil. In retrospect, I was still feeling the effects of the initial doses from 9:00am, and it being approximately six hours into the experience, a much smaller booster dose would have been appropriate, especially my first time.
I became more or less high out of my freakin' gourd. It seems to me that methamphetamine has two reasonably defined plateaus to the average experience. You can do enough to function, focus, and be sociable while negating any sort of fatigue, or you can do enough to shoot your body into overdrive, allowing your brain to function at about 500% of normal speed with about 20% of normal efficiency. I obviously missed that first level this time. I felt unable to focus on anything; it felt like the drug induced massive ADD (I guess ADHD would be more appropriate in this case). I felt almost like Jim Carrey in that Jimmy Tango's Fatbusters skit on SNL (RIDE THE SNAKE!). I could not act sober. My eyes were wide, my hands were jittery, and I basically felt overstimulated to a mildly uncomfortable level. Fortunately, my pulse and heartrate were fast, but not dangerously fast, according to my friend, and I wasn't sweating at all. For obvious reasons, I decided to abstain from any more of this disturbingly fun self-medication and took it easy for a while on my bed with an ice cold cup of Gatorade.
At about 9:00pm, I felt good enough to take my friend D home and go relax with my girlfriend. I wasn't able to sleep until basically 1:00am, and the sleep that I actually got was mildly uncomfortable. I was only able to sleep until about 6:30am or 7:00am. Before sleep, and even the morning after, I felt not depressed in an MDMA sense, but merely a feeling of insane fatigue coupled with some minor nausea (which cleared up when I ate actual food) and sores in my mouth from mild clenching and a hyperactive, overcurious tongue. My mind was also cloudy, and I had mild problems with intense articulation. All of this cleared up by the end of the day.
In conclusion, I thought methamphetamine would fix my lack of motivation and my rash stupidity, evidenced by my eagerness to get trashed on a Sunday night. Unfortunately, it just made me feel stupider, at least on the comedowns. During the peaks, I felt like doing things, but only some things, and not others. Which, I suppose, is basically like real life, and in that sense it really helped nothing. If properly motivated and rested, I would have no use for this drug (as if there's any real long term, non-dangerous, beneficial use for it, anyway). Also, by the time I hit the forty hour mark without sleep, I felt like Frankenstein: a normally immobile, zombie-like corpse only really being propped up by an outside force (like electricity, or in this case, tweak). I've had a brief two day taste of the crazy world of meth, and I've had enough (again, I have no real addictive personality, at least when sober. On this drug, I felt the need to be higher all the time, which was immensely troubling). It just seems so destructive from my perspective. There are better, safer drugs out there for me.
