BigPWisco.
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2023
- Messages
- 17
Hello everyone, I could really use some advice. So I am currently on Methadone @ 315mgs per day. Yes thats a huge dose, but I am a fast metabolizer confirmed by peak and trough blood tests. I originally got on methadone in 2018 after having a major relapse on fentanyl and heroin. My tolerance got so high that when I tried getting back on my suboxone (I had been on subs from 2011-2018) the suboxone was ineffective, so I tried methadone and after 3 months of going up 5mg every 3 days I finally got to my stable dose of 290mg. Unfortunately I had another relapse in mid 2020 and ended up getting arrested for possession of heroin and crack and was sent to jail for 30 days where I went through a horrific withdrawal. I was still sick even after 30 days and so decided to get back on suboxone. I had another relapse in mid 2021 which again shot my tolerance up to the stratosphere and again failed to get back on my subs. So methadone it was, again. This time I got up to 315mg which is my current dose. I have been on this dose for years now and have been clean since late 2021. The reason for this post is because I am really, and I mean really struggling with severe depression, malaise, lethergy, no drive, no sex drive, ect. ect. The only time I feel normal or what I think normal should feel like is for the 1-2 hours after I dose. For that time I feel ok, I have drive, I'm not depressed, ect. But after I eat lunch it all goes down hill and for the rest of the day I feel like absolute shit and it is literally ruining my life. As I described I have no drive, no desire to get up and fulfill my goals and plans. Even basic shit like cooking my kids dinner is a fucking chore. All I want to do is go to sleep so I can wake up and dose again and feel ok for that 1-2 hours. Any advice? Am I just fucked? Should I taper or get off completely? I really need help, IM about to get evicted, I'm financially ruined, all because I cant bring myself to get a job because after noon I get hit with such a crushing depression and malaise I feel like I just want to blow my brains out. NOT A SERIOUS THREAT, THATS JUST WHAT I FEEL LIKE. Please help with any advice, thank you. Patrick