jeng1128
Bluelighter
It fucking sucks. I'm doing it right now(tapering,but use weed, and benzos) or I'd probably kill myself. I dropped 5mgs Tues &,it hit me hard. Down to 30mgs. I know it's not 5 mgs but I'm Damn proud of myself. Been up ALL WEEK ALL NIGHT(waiting for the clinic to open, count .the. hours. It's 5:30,open @ 630 on sat's so not much longer. I almost lost it yesterday wanting to do dope with every Inch of my being. Told my bf, obviously not happy considering I haven't used dope in years. I know he's right, and he's doing it because he cares but I found it a little hypocritical yesterday. We got in a horrible car accident in November (22.) Since he's on subs, I had my surgery done that day 2 hours after the accident. Since he broke 4 ribs, his color bone and a stage 4 tear that desperately needed surgery. The Dr's wouldn't do it until he came off the subs. So I wake up from surgery & my parents say
y he left. I called him & asked why & he said I can do more for myself then them(they did give him 80 8mg dillaudid )(?) But of course he's gonna over do them. He shot all 80 8's in 2 days. He got more powerful opiates (360 roxi 30's, feytanal patches,more dillaudid ) but of course it didn't come bat the pain *eyeroll*. So it went to a 2b/day habit. He said it was only gonna be a week to two after surgery & back on the subs. Everyday after that 2 weeks it was tomorrow. He ended up doing it(after 6 weeks & $5,000 spent) I begged him to let me do it, I was @ my breaking point. Some people will have the argument (no doubt) that 30mgs is easy. Well it's not so easy when uve been on 180mgs(2 years) down to 120 for the next 3. I was screaming @ him like wtf, & hes likept no. Since we got sideswiped by a tracer trailer on the highway(his fault totally) & it's a really big trucking Co. They give us our lost wages(since were both not clear to work) he had the $ to get away with it. And I can definitely afford it, it was no. So I told him he's the biggesst hypocrite & basically accused him of not letting me do it because he can't (being back on the subs.) Were at the point of not speaking, ignoring each other(which is really awkward. ) So I got thru last night by using a ton of cannabis, and Imodium. I broke down @ the nurses window this am, I tend to get emotional in wd situations. She asked if I relapsed , I told her no but I had used cannabis & Imodium. She flipped on the Imodium thing & told me NOT to do it tonight, if I want she'll call the Dr(sun) & get me a dose increase. It's not hard to tell, I'm usually well I try to take pride in how I look, well (I know it's gross) but haven't taken a shower, have been wearing the same clothes because I just don't have the motivation in me to do my whole routine. She's like well you haven't had a dirty in a year. I guess my? For u experienced MMT patients is should I go back up(this would cause a huge problem in my relationship because hes the one crazy about me detoxing(even though he's on subs.) Should I try & wait it out until tomorrow or do what I really want & get some kind of opiate(& I hate to say this but it'd most likely be heroin. My bf is like what would that accomplish, you'd still be sick tomorrow & I told him it'd accomplish relief & sleep.
y he left. I called him & asked why & he said I can do more for myself then them(they did give him 80 8mg dillaudid )(?) But of course he's gonna over do them. He shot all 80 8's in 2 days. He got more powerful opiates (360 roxi 30's, feytanal patches,more dillaudid ) but of course it didn't come bat the pain *eyeroll*. So it went to a 2b/day habit. He said it was only gonna be a week to two after surgery & back on the subs. Everyday after that 2 weeks it was tomorrow. He ended up doing it(after 6 weeks & $5,000 spent) I begged him to let me do it, I was @ my breaking point. Some people will have the argument (no doubt) that 30mgs is easy. Well it's not so easy when uve been on 180mgs(2 years) down to 120 for the next 3. I was screaming @ him like wtf, & hes likept no. Since we got sideswiped by a tracer trailer on the highway(his fault totally) & it's a really big trucking Co. They give us our lost wages(since were both not clear to work) he had the $ to get away with it. And I can definitely afford it, it was no. So I told him he's the biggesst hypocrite & basically accused him of not letting me do it because he can't (being back on the subs.) Were at the point of not speaking, ignoring each other(which is really awkward. ) So I got thru last night by using a ton of cannabis, and Imodium. I broke down @ the nurses window this am, I tend to get emotional in wd situations. She asked if I relapsed , I told her no but I had used cannabis & Imodium. She flipped on the Imodium thing & told me NOT to do it tonight, if I want she'll call the Dr(sun) & get me a dose increase. It's not hard to tell, I'm usually well I try to take pride in how I look, well (I know it's gross) but haven't taken a shower, have been wearing the same clothes because I just don't have the motivation in me to do my whole routine. She's like well you haven't had a dirty in a year. I guess my? For u experienced MMT patients is should I go back up(this would cause a huge problem in my relationship because hes the one crazy about me detoxing(even though he's on subs.) Should I try & wait it out until tomorrow or do what I really want & get some kind of opiate(& I hate to say this but it'd most likely be heroin. My bf is like what would that accomplish, you'd still be sick tomorrow & I told him it'd accomplish relief & sleep.
