Hello all... I have posted withdrawal diaries in the past, chronicling my experiences hoping to help others kick opiates. I'm try something different now. Methadone Maintenance Treatment (MMT). In my 10+ years of addiction I have successfully detoxed off of Oxycodone, Suboxone, Heroin and Klonopin. At different times, some more than once. Through all that though, I always wound up back on drugs. I ruined my marriage, great career and stressed the relationships with my children.
So I'll be 40 this year, and my longing for sobriety has hit a different level. I no longer lie to myself and say "All I have to do is get through the withdrawals and I'll be fine." I am finally able to admit to myself that I have a serious lifelong addiction. That may sound simple, but for me, it has been the difference of stumbling from drug use periods, to physical sobriety... and the ability to now identify that there are serious underlying emotional and psychological problems that I MUST hit head on if I am truly willing to be the man I want to be, for me and for my children.
So I have come up with a plan. I have always been "anti-methadone" because I saw it as a very slippery slope with regards to it's longterm effects on your tolerance levels... And from what I understand, there is nothing like it in terms of horrible withdrawal, because of it's receptor binding affinity and long half-life.
I would never choose this route if I hadn't educated myself as much as possible. The benefits of MMT seem to come to those who are in a similar situation as I. It's not a quick fix, and requires a great deal of self discipline, reflection and most importantly, a good exit strategy.
I need all of this in my life, and I need the rigorous therapy and clinical intervention that I used to deny needing. I am too old, too important to my family, and am too tired of being in a state of perpetual physiological, emotional and psychological brokenness.
So, I am going to intake at a local MMT in about 5 hours. I think I know what to expect, but if anyone who has experience with the MMT process wouldn't mind helping me out with what I can expect, I would greatly appreciate it. I have a few questions:
1) I am coming off of about a gram per day habit ($100 a day) IV. I have been at this dose for about 2 months, but been on it overall for about a year, and prior to that, on and off Heroin and other opiates and benzos for over 10 years. They start you at 30 - 40mg maximum in the U.S. Is this going to be a high enough dose to get and keep me well?
2) My last usage was about 6 hours ago. I already am starting to feel WD symptoms, and in 5 hours I should be getting quite sick. Will they dose me this morning, after I do my intake? Or, do I have to wait until I come back tomorrow? I have already lost 40lbs. in the past 2 weeks from on and off WD. My body can't take another day of WD.
3) If the first few low doses are able to keep me well in spite of my large body size and high tolerance, can I sleep tonight? Will it keep me well for the entire 24 hours, until I go back tomorrow (Monday) morning?
4) I fully expect to immerse myself in the whole program, and take advantage of all the help it has to offer. With that being said, I figure I will be on it for about a year or so, and then start a 6 to 12 month slow taper, with the collaboration of my doctor and therapist of course. Can anyone who has successfully completed the longterm Methadone taper please let me know how that went for you, and whether you had any adverse physical, psychological and/or neurological effects?
4.5 hours to go!
Anyways, thank you all for everything you do. This community has always been integral in my ability to identify with members, and feel supported.
AlanJ
So I'll be 40 this year, and my longing for sobriety has hit a different level. I no longer lie to myself and say "All I have to do is get through the withdrawals and I'll be fine." I am finally able to admit to myself that I have a serious lifelong addiction. That may sound simple, but for me, it has been the difference of stumbling from drug use periods, to physical sobriety... and the ability to now identify that there are serious underlying emotional and psychological problems that I MUST hit head on if I am truly willing to be the man I want to be, for me and for my children.
So I have come up with a plan. I have always been "anti-methadone" because I saw it as a very slippery slope with regards to it's longterm effects on your tolerance levels... And from what I understand, there is nothing like it in terms of horrible withdrawal, because of it's receptor binding affinity and long half-life.
I would never choose this route if I hadn't educated myself as much as possible. The benefits of MMT seem to come to those who are in a similar situation as I. It's not a quick fix, and requires a great deal of self discipline, reflection and most importantly, a good exit strategy.
I need all of this in my life, and I need the rigorous therapy and clinical intervention that I used to deny needing. I am too old, too important to my family, and am too tired of being in a state of perpetual physiological, emotional and psychological brokenness.
So, I am going to intake at a local MMT in about 5 hours. I think I know what to expect, but if anyone who has experience with the MMT process wouldn't mind helping me out with what I can expect, I would greatly appreciate it. I have a few questions:
1) I am coming off of about a gram per day habit ($100 a day) IV. I have been at this dose for about 2 months, but been on it overall for about a year, and prior to that, on and off Heroin and other opiates and benzos for over 10 years. They start you at 30 - 40mg maximum in the U.S. Is this going to be a high enough dose to get and keep me well?
2) My last usage was about 6 hours ago. I already am starting to feel WD symptoms, and in 5 hours I should be getting quite sick. Will they dose me this morning, after I do my intake? Or, do I have to wait until I come back tomorrow? I have already lost 40lbs. in the past 2 weeks from on and off WD. My body can't take another day of WD.
3) If the first few low doses are able to keep me well in spite of my large body size and high tolerance, can I sleep tonight? Will it keep me well for the entire 24 hours, until I go back tomorrow (Monday) morning?
4) I fully expect to immerse myself in the whole program, and take advantage of all the help it has to offer. With that being said, I figure I will be on it for about a year or so, and then start a 6 to 12 month slow taper, with the collaboration of my doctor and therapist of course. Can anyone who has successfully completed the longterm Methadone taper please let me know how that went for you, and whether you had any adverse physical, psychological and/or neurological effects?
4.5 hours to go!
Anyways, thank you all for everything you do. This community has always been integral in my ability to identify with members, and feel supported.
AlanJ
