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Methadone... Again.

Lynn8514

Lynn8514

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 19, 2015
Messages
132
Location
US
Hey everybody. A while back I was posting a lot about my methadone detox withdrawals and how much of a nightmare it was. Unfortunately, after 6ish months without it, I started taking 10mg again after an insanely tough episode of PAWS. I'm horribly embarrassed and discouraged.

When I first started the 10mg nearly 2 months ago, it was fine. Not too much or too little. In the past week though, it's not working. It's only lasting me 8 hours at best with me in mild-moderate withdrawal the rest of the night. I don't understand why as I've never had this problem before- even when I was on it months ago. I don't want to increase my dose- I won't. What else can I do? Split dosing isn't available where I live.
 
Lynn :)<3


I'm horribly embarrassed and discouraged.
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I know right.. because this is so easy right? No its hard as hell... warn that trap to not let the door hit its tail on the way out.

Amazing work on the six months. Nothing has changed and that amazing accomplishment is yours!! Nothing can ever take that away:)

So you started using again. No big deal at all. Its part of the healing for so many good people.

But here you are.. tolerance is building.

Two choices right.. pull the ripcord now or dive back down the rabbit hole.

I find it interesting that you're hitting the wall right around eight hours. Are you attempting to use this for real pain relief?

The problem with opiates is there is no way to use them regularly and long term without getting screwed.
 
Thank you NSA. I missed your uplifting outlook on these situations!

I do have some pain, but honestly that's not what I'm really using it for. I'm taking it mainly to satiate the mental beast of addiction. I take 10mg at 8am and by 6-7ish, I get rls and stomach cramps. I refuse to increase the dose, but I don't know if I'm mentally stable enough to battle full withdrawal again.

I used to be fine on 3mg when I tapered last year so I'm pissed that 10 isn't holding. I tried milk thistle to extend the life but it didn't work. I guess I'll just be stuck in nightly withdrawal unless I increase or quit again. :(
 
I just can't go up. I know tolerance builds up and stuff but I thought that only applied to euphoria not duration. I'm annoyed :/
 
Best of luck Lynn, I'm going to be sending you lots of lovngkindness and praying for you. You'r an amazing girl, and I really hope you're able to accomplish your goals here. Hold your head up, we all make mistakes and less than skillful decisions, but that doesn't mean you can't start making better choices. There are legit reasons why you started taking it again, so don't put yourself down about it. Just try to understand your situation, with lots and lots of kindness, and just keep moving forward. Try and try again. Eventually you will success, and with the right attitude, and if your surround yourself with good, kind, wise people, you'll succeed a lot sooner than you might imagine. Best of luck!
 
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Thank you toothpaste dog! I'm feeling worse than I did before I started taking it again so I feel like I screwed up for absolutely nothing. Now, I withdraw every night anddd crave drugs even when I'm not withdrawing. I'm just feeling really down right now.
 
You did not screw up lynn. You made a choice for yourself which you thought would be helpful and it turned out not to be. This happens with everyone in recovery. It happens with everyone not in recovery.

You made it six months so you know that it is possible and you have the strength to do so. I know when we relapse it is hard to fathom going back to that, and we use our guilt to keep us from stopping. Just think to yourself that you can do it, but you may need a little more care than you used last time.

Just know that I think you are amazing, and I am here for you. Don't feel ashamed or guilty, those feelings mean nothing. If I had a dollar for everytime I relapsed during the many years I had been trying to stop, I would be a wealthy man.
 
Thank you manboychef- reading that made my eyes water! My family (except my husband) doesn't know I restarted methadone.. They kinda expected me to live like nothing happened after the withdrawal stopped. Unfortunately, trying to live like that clearly wasn't very effective. No amount of wishing I didn't have paws will make them go away.
 
The very fact that your eyes are watering and you are able to feel emotion again is a very good sign. You are coming back go us ❤. Remember, this will not happen over night. This whole ordeal is much bigger than we perceive, so before you know it, you will feel better. And I don't mean that in the traditional sense, lol, literally, before you know it, you'll feel better. Hang in there
 
BeatTheSickness said:
The very fact that your eyes are watering and you are able to feel emotion again is a very good sign. You are coming back go us ❤. Remember, this will not happen over night. This whole ordeal is much bigger than we perceive, so before you know it, you will feel better. And I don't mean that in the traditional sense, lol, literally, before you know it, you'll feel better. Hang in there
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QFT. I have over a year sober and I still need to break things down to smaller pieces because facing sobriety as a whole is so difficult. Knowing that I can never escape my feelings is so hard, but if I break each problem down into little pieces and attack the little pieces I tend to be able to come to places of acceptance with my faults.
 
^Seriously. One of my triggers is when I hear and see people oversimplify life and pretend that it is so easy to just go through the motions. As a result of my drug use and other contributing factors, I spend a lot of time by myself. It's not really that I choose to - let's just say the only people who really call me anymore are people trying to sell me something. It's too long of story to cover. I'm sure many can relate, but the point is many moments are "broken down", as manboychef has described, and we are forced to come face to face with the very things that make life feel bittersweet.
 
Agree, stupid people tend to piss me off too, although when i understand it in terms of their lack if insight or understanding pure and simple, that helps a little.
 
Thank you everyone for your support and understanding!

Beatthesickness- I completely relate to staying at home since sobriety. I actually dread having to leave my house. Maybe that'll change one day..
 
god dam thanks for helping me stay sober and remind me why i quit methadone hell.

i think iboga root park really fucking destroys most PAWS; too bad nobody knows about it ; ill microdose the shit for years if it helps with that DEATH FEELING

real sad to see you get back on methadone after seeing all your struggles when you quit before
 
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