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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Venting Meth WD

I still have a hard time admitting it’s a disease. Can surely do so where others concerned, I’m just evil though lol. Chemical narcissism surely. Grateful for those that understand; apologies for getting fired up at those who don’t.
Amp is for some I believe, a highly effective anti psychotic. With the same( or worse) WD than prescribed. Cant, and don’t expect sane folks to understand the pull. Have moments that I don’t understand myself. The kernel in the Rambo movies I believe said it best. What you call Hell he calls home.
 
4meSM said:
I don't think it's OK to be bored, it may be acceptable for a short period of time but not for much more.
Boredom is similar to torture to human beings, there are plenty of studies about it. People will do almost anything to overcome boredom, even engage in self harm. The brain craves constant simulation, a child who's chronically bored will likely have serious problems later on.
It's only logical that some of us use drugs to overcome that mental state, it might not be the best coping strategy but it's certainly better than nothing.
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Without delving into the intricacies of Aspergers, sounds like content with self, and avoidance of the highs and lows of deep relationships with others.
Perfectly equipped for the world we live in. Kinda envious, on the surface anyway. I’m sure it has a downside, no perfect balance
 
@wudbutcher Just a thought...would you ever consider making a skydive?
It is, in my opinion, the closest natural high to speed...
Most of the high is from adrenaline, but your brain also dumps a bunch of DMT
during freefall. Which makes things rather interesting as one would expect.
To me, the DMT always put me in this insane bullet time/time stretch where
every second would be so long and I almost felt like I was frozen in time...
skydiving is the greatest natural high.

Of course, me being who I was at 17 years old, I made a skydive high on speed.
You wanna know what happened?
Basically, the speed high and the adrenaline high cancelled each other out and
when I landed, I was completely sober. Not only sober, but totally calm.
I'm thankful they cancelled each other out because if they didn't...I was
asking the universe to kill me with a heart attack...

I want to say more but I'm at a loss for now. I use water on and off, but I'm
totally comfortable with my level of use. At the start of each month, I buy a
small amount ($100) and I let myself use it however I want. I can binge it, or
I can make it last...but once it's gone, it's gone. I've always managed to stick
to my monthly limit without buying more. I'm aware that I'm an addict and
I'm managing my addiction, and I know that the longer I continue to do
this is playing with fire. But I love my life right now. I'm an active member of
my community, my university and my family...someday I'll give it up, but not
any time soon.

When I was 19 I made by 69th skydive. I did what we call a "hook turn"---that's
when you make a turn too close to the ground. Turning bleeds altitude. So my
parachute collapsed and I fell about 20 feet to the ground...fractured my lower spine.
It was so scary, I was too afraid to ever make a skydive again. It broke my heart.
I really used to love skydiving, and it was such an important part of my life.
But now I am ruled by fear and relive the accident in my dreams.
I sold my parachute. It's been 6 years since that last skydive. I don't think I'll ever
jump again. It's way too risky. When I was a teenager I wasn't afraid of death.
Now I have the fear of death in me. I've convinced myself that mild to moderate
drug use is safer than skydiving. Truth is, it might be. Jumping out of airplanes for
fun is a crazy thing to do...

...but I'll never forget the most beautiful thing I've ever seen: during one of my jumps,
I'd opened my parachute above the cloud line (technically illegal) because I wanted
to see if I could skim my toes against the clouds. I flew over these immense fluffy white
clouds and dragged my toes through them...they left little swirls of mist where my feet
made contact...but then I noticed: the sun was behind me, and the shadow of my body
appeared on the surface of the cloud, outlined in a complete rainbow. Like the light
refracted at the edges of my body or something...that's the most beautiful thing I've ever...

I wish you the best with your healing process. Please, keep talking to us and don't isolate.
 
Actually had a pact with my oldest sis to do just that, way back when. As our birthdays are only 5 days apart, my 18th was to be the time. She married and got pregnant, her son born with a lot of problems, postponed. Life takes over you know the deal.
Will smith has a YouTube motivational talk on fear as pertains to skydiving, it’s a good listen.
You, my dear, representative of all I love about this forum. Empathy and understanding. Been there, maybe still there, here’s how I survived.
Love it.
 
Programs try to teach us how to function like addicts, without the drugs. When I used, early on, allowed me to get up, stay busy with task at hand, do the right thing without getting wrapped up worrying about outcomes. Leave that up to fate, God, whatever. Bumps along the way, sure, but for the most part things worked out well.
Eventually the tool got a voice, an opinion. Opinion became fact.
The wolf you feed becomes the strongest.
 
wudbutcher said:
I still have a hard time admitting it’s a disease. Can surely do so where others concerned, I’m just evil though lol. Chemical narcissism surely. Grateful for those that understand; apologies for getting fired up at those who don’t.
Amp is for some I believe, a highly effective anti psychotic. With the same( or worse) WD than prescribed. Cant, and don’t expect sane folks to understand the pull. Have moments that I don’t understand myself. The kernel in the Rambo movies I believe said it best. What you call Hell he calls home.
Click to expand...
Hello Audi, how the hell are ya? Hope you shined today
 
wudbutcher said:
Has anyone discovered soft white underbelly on you tube? Been following for a year, amazing!
Count my blessings, could have been worse.
One of my fave shorts. Warning: addictive
Click to expand...

Watching right now. Interesting backstory on the person that started it.
 
Or Caroline. Charlie Sheen ex. Ryan? De caprios half brother. Reilly. Bless her, watch her three in order.
 
Love first question after coordinates. Tell me about your childhood. Thank God didn’t know about the ACE score back then, wouldn’t have even tried at life. Band aids on bullet wounds
 
4meSM said:
I don't think it's OK to be bored, it may be acceptable for a short period of time but not for much more.
Boredom is similar to torture to human beings, there are plenty of studies about it. People will do almost anything to overcome boredom, even engage in self harm. The brain craves constant simulation, a child who's chronically bored will likely have serious problems later on.
It's only logical that some of us use drugs to overcome that mental state, it might not be the best coping strategy but it's certainly better than nothing.
Click to expand...
It's not the boredom that's so bad, it's not being content with it, and therefore restless in mind and body. Ofc that's pure torture.
What I meant by "being bored" was: It's OK if nothing at all happens. Once you're content, you're no longer bored, not really, that's the paradox. And there's something to find in this as well. I find there's something serene about this 'void'. You're given the opportunity to really look inwards.

But outside, wherever I look I see dopamine fiends everywhere. They can't put their smartphone down for 10 seconds before they need to look at it again. You cannot tell me that being abusive with your dopamine system is healthier than being bored/daydreaming? The absolute craving and demand of stimuli is very dangerous.
 
December Flower said:
It's not the boredom that's so bad, it's not being content with it, and therefore restless in mind and body. Ofc that's pure torture.
What I meant by "being bored" was: It's OK if nothing at all happens. Once you're content, you're no longer bored, not really, that's the paradox. And there's something to find in this as well. I find there's something serene about this 'void'. You're given the opportunity to really look inwards.

But outside, wherever I look I see dopamine fiends everywhere. They can't put their smartphone down for 10 seconds before they need to look at it again. You cannot tell me that being abusive with your dopamine system is healthier than being bored/daydreaming? The absolute craving and demand of stimuli is very dangerous.
Click to expand...
Well duh! We all weren’t blessedwith as Berger’s.
 
wudbutcher said:
Well duh! We all weren’t blessedwith as Berger’s.
Click to expand...
It's not a blessing.
I don't see why someone without Asperger's would be more prone to dopamine abusus. I'd have to look into that first.
But technically, I agree on the front that my mind never stops bugging me, so maybe there's never really "nothing happening". And stimulants make me go absolutely bonkers.
 
December Flower said:
It's not a blessing.
I don't see why someone without Asperger's would be more prone to dopamine abusus. I'd have to look into that first.
But technically, I agree on the front that my mind never stops bugging me, so maybe there's never really "nothing happening". And stimulants make me go absolutely bonkers.
Click to expand...
That’s my point. Though didn’t delve into too deeply, content with self and little need for outside validation seems a win win in this day and age. Survival skill
 
December Flower said:
It's not a blessing.
I don't see why someone without Asperger's would be more prone to dopamine abusus. I'd have to look into that first.
But technically, I agree on the front that my mind never stops bugging me, so maybe there's never really "nothing happening". And stimulants make me go absolutely bonkers.
[/QUOTE
JimmyJames Jim?
Cmon now, I earned the win. No harm no foul if admit. Actual respect more.
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