meth recovery advice needed

[ash0710]

I got on this site awhile back so since very brief I thought appropriate to start back at square one . And while i managed to get some time clean off and on the same thing happens. Sometimes a month almost two, other times a week or few weeks and I find myself picking up. Any suggestions... its never on.the agenda and often random had great day happy no reason to give myself an excuse. But I can't keep doing this. I don't have hobbies. I work alot, keep track of my kids etc. My.husband is a recovering alcoholic sober 6 years and my downfall is Meth. He insists that I find something I enjoy to occupy my time..especially when just me myself and I which next to boredom is my #1 enemy. But once i get off I am tired I have never had a hobby and rarely watch TV. So that one issue I guess. The other being how do I not take the turn to pick up, I know It just leads to misery and still do it. Sick of it, I just want to not go back ever. My will power obviously is not
Strong enough, I need advice. Any and all welcomed

 

[Chores]

You are going to have to get a hobby. Plain and simple. Find the time, because you have to.

You also need to be patient, recovery does not happen over night. But, honestly the best thing in the world for recover is distraction.

They also say laughter is the best medicine. There are a million websites and a million movies that will make you laugh. The more you laugh, the less sick you feel.

 

[ash0710]

Thank you. Even as a kid I never had a hobby, sounds like I need to find one asap.

 

[tocooperate]

Is being too tired to do things after work a byproduct of recovery / detox or has there always been SOME reason to avoid growth or experience in life? I ask because there's always the possibility of self medicating unknowingly all these years. I am diagnosed ADD, but only 4 years ago. Looking back at life now it makes so much more sense , the things I hated myself for and the dumb rriskybehaviors I embraced.. it was a coping strategy to some degree.

perhaps you should see a therapist to talk though some of these things. I know for me, the awareness of my condition has changed the way I approach love, life and happy afternoons

 

[llamer]

I hear you ash0710, I myself am facing the same struggle. Though I personally have lots of hobbies I have a hard time admitting beyond simple talk that this drug is SERIOUSLY ADDICTIVE and it's COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE that you're unable to fully give it a rest -- it has done things to your brain that have never happened before, and your mind work unconsciously to retrieve that effect even when you are personally committed to being against it. Give yourself a break in that you forgive yourself for getting to this place because this has happened to millions of people and we're all capable of getting trapped by parts of our minds we never knew existed, unfortunately. I think that starting with this forgiveness is necessary for anybody to make a fresh start in life, since self love is self preservation and that means health and getting clean.

Life is where the real adventure is but I understand where some are trapped in routine and there appears to be only drugs that can fill those few moments of free time with something worth their every second -though that's how we begin to believe the drugs are treating us, then later it becomes a vicious hell. I think the only alternative in life that can equal or rival the sublime extremes of drug highs are real and honest challenging sober experiences that throw one's whole world into new focus and show us things we never knew were there, confronting one's whole life and society even, with the aim to enjoy what new things you experience out of that. Kinda like Fight Club, for example (first one that comes to mind). I know that sounds a bit extreme but then again so are drugs, and we are living in a sick society anyway.

I would recommend hitting up a few NA/AA meetings to get a basic (although orthodox) rundown for what addiction and recovery looks like in other people. It's never a bad idea. Free coffee n cookies usually too

good luck!

 

[Allein]

I hear you ash0710, I myself am facing the same struggle. Though I personally have lots of hobbies I have a hard time admitting beyond simple talk that this drug is SERIOUSLY ADDICTIVE and it's COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE that you're unable to fully give it a rest -- it has done things to your brain that have never happened before, and your mind work unconsciously to retrieve that effect even when you are personally committed to being against it. Give yourself a break in that you forgive yourself for getting to this place because this has happened to millions of people and we're all capable of getting trapped by parts of our minds we never knew existed, unfortunately. I think that starting with this forgiveness is necessary for anybody to make a fresh start in life, since self love is self preservation and that means health and getting clean.

^^ Great words that made me stop and think for a moment

Self loathing and disappointment in your own human failings can be so hard to deal with and so damaging in such a variety of ways. That whole 'I'm worthless and useless' becomes the very essence of the self fulfilling prophecy.

The kind of binge / break / binge drug use the OP describes is much like my own, working on my own mental health and self image / life problems produces much longer periods of abstinence, you need to give yourself the credit for laying off these drugs and forgive yourself for the times when things got the better of you, without this becoming 'fake' and an excuse to abuse .....I'm not going to pretend this stuff is easy ..but keep it moving in the right direction

 

[ash0710]

Thank you

 

[ash0710]

I woke up wanting to go and pick up, reading this changed my mind real quick. I haven't cheated or not come home etc for the drug but my husband hates it. He see's what its doing to me and i don't want to lose him or anything over Meth. I would never forgive myself if I did. I am bipolar ll with severe gad which doesn't help. I take meds and have a really good Dr. I just got a new job that's a really big deal and if I start slipping I doubt it would go un noticed. I have everything to lose so I know I need something that stops me from taking the wrong turn when I least expect it. My mind makes it too easy to convince myself that it won't matter, but it does. That day or two equals weeks of fighting and arguing as he gets pissed (understandably) I am mad at self for caving in and am miserable so I know perfectly well its not a good idea. Just trying to figure out where I fail in the process, as mentioned sometimes its so random. I go run errands and having good day no worries and then next thing I come home with shit. Almost like habit, its been 3 years the first two I quickly found myself in a a several hundred dollar a week habit. I quit (tried anyway) which then would stay off a month or two then a month on. I decided to quit again. The last 8 months have been the every few weeks I fall off for a few days . Get myself back up after that and think i am finally done. Obviously that's not working out so well for me. I am off now but only a week or so. I don't want a repeat