Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

[Slain]

Not sure if this is the place to ask about Speed - I mean, you're all obviously more versed in it than myself, but I have what may seem a stupid question to ask... so do I ask it here, or is there a topic or thread someone can point me in the direction of?

 

[rangrz]

I'll say straight I dont want to quit. ut I support anyone who does.

when I decide I need a reak from, or am forced to stop, I find exercise, hard brutal exercise is really helpful.

I also find video games really help get your mind off the drug, cause you right engrossed into the game instead.

just tossing a couple of ideas out.

 

[footscrazy]

^^ I agree, exercise is really good. It's about the only healthy addiction I've ever really had! I have to get back into it again. I like jogging gently for as long as I can and then when I'm so tired I absolutely can't take another step, I force myself to sprint for 50m (pretend the cops are chasing me and BOLT!). My breath will be rasping after that and I'll almost fall over but it's the one way I can really get the endorphins going - it feels really good!

Video games I can't get into - attention span is waay to short, I never even get past learning the instructions.

 

[gorgoroth]

All I can say is I know longer crave amphetamines, In fact yesterday I decided NOT to take my 60 milligrams of dexedrine!!!
let alone methamphetamine again.

 

[drugfukkdrockstar]

^Oh!! brilliant!! Well done :D

 

[footscrazy]

drug_wench, thanks so much, I just noticed your post! Thanks, it is reassuring...it does help to have someone who has been through it all before because while my friends are supportive they also don't always understand...so thankyou I KNOW that you will beat it one day too, you are so strong.
I have considered wellbutrin, but when I asked about it the doc said she thought it would be better if I just wasn't on anything for awhile, to let my brain recover without ANY drugs, medication or the illegal kind.

 

[Sweet P]

Not sure if this is the place to ask about Speed - I mean, you're all obviously more versed in it than myself, but I have what may seem a stupid question to ask... so do I ask it here, or is there a topic or thread someone can point me in the direction of?

Check the guidelines on the first page of this thread. If your question is about speed addiction, feel free to post! Otherwise a seperate thread might be more suitable. Contact a moderator if you're still not sure - they don't bite.

 

[Sweet P]

All I can say is I know longer crave amphetamines, In fact yesterday I decided NOT to take my 60 milligrams of dexedrine!!!
let alone methamphetamine again.

Well done! Cravings have been ruling my life for almost 2 years. I look forward to the day when I can finally get rid of them for good.

 

[shith3ad]

tweekers.

 

[Sweet P]

tweekers.

You called?

 

[rangrz]

tweekers.

*grabs sunglasses and ripped tracksuit* reporting in, you need a car stero or something?

 

[jspun]

I have 10 months clean. I was going through my disaster of a storage closet and found my meth pipe. First I smelled it and got a slight tweek taste, then i tried to smoke the residue and got nothing more than a vague tweek taste in my mouth maybe an increase in pulse but no real high- it had been gone over before I got clean. That developed into an insane desire to use and obsession about the drug (all aspects of the drug). Anyway, over the last two days I tried to hook up on the street, I convinced myself that I wouldn't be giving up my clean time since I was a heroin addict mostly in my disease. Tried calling my old connects number and it was disconected. I looked around my area, where tweek had a presence in the hot spots now its just weed around my house. Drove to a park which was where I went a few times last summer ended up getting beat which was probably for the best. Even drove down a street known for hookers in another part of town but didn't see any ladies- often a good backup strategy. Pretty seductive drug, I consider myself lucky, only lost $20 and more importantly this could have resulted in a disasterous relapse losing thousands and my freedom, but I still want to use badly. Seems there's a drought around here or God's got my back, or whatever I'm gonna surf and hit meetings to keep my mind off it- mind going 1,000,000 miles a minute right now.

 

[footscrazy]

^^ Ahh the old pipes! It's why I think it's so important to get rid of them when you quit. When I first decided to quit I didn't get rid of them for 2 weeks and I used to sit on my bed and stare at the drawer they were in. It's hard to say goodbye to them - especially when I looked at them and saw some nice little crystals stuck to the bottom.

I think it's lucky you weren't able to find a hook up - but I also think getting this far along into relapsing you'll have to do a lot of work to not relapse, if you don't want to. I know that myself, by the time I've got to the stage of calling hook ups to get it, I'm 99% of the way to getting on and it's extremely hard to stop that ball rolling then (actually, I've never been able to stop myself that far along). What plans do you have to stop yourself...? You said you're going to hit your meetings, I think that's a good idea.

Another thing I've realised it that relapses start waay before you get to the stage of calling people to get on - finding the meth pipes for you was obviously a trigger, but do you think this started before then? That maybe you were becoming complacent about quitting or maybe you're going through a rough patch in your life? I think it helps to identify these things so you can be more aware in the future.

These cravings you're experiencing will go away, 10 months is such an achievement jspun, that's amazing and a real inspiration to me. Stay strong, I know you can do it!

 

[jspun]

Hey footcrazy, thanks for the encouragement. Relapse has definitely been a process. Taken the drugs away and I still like to read about drugs on this board, live vicariously through others, ect... From a 12 step standpoint I'm going to a meeting a day, talking to my sponsor (haven't told him yet.), have support group but I'm stuck on my 4th step so I need to get busy. This website is not always the best place for me, maybe I should stick to dark side. I'm just getting ready to go surf to clear my head and my home group is tonight. Also, in my desperation yesterday I posted on one of those party and play websites and someone responded. I'm straight and told him so. He wasn't willing to help me out if playing wasn't involved. Its been a crazy 36-48 hrs.

 

[lestahb]

I'm so frustrated lately. I quit meth nearly four years ago now, but I am still feeling the consequences. i'm living with my parents, i'm 30 and it sucks. i'm trying to save up for a down payment on a house and do the responsible thing, but i just feel like i'm still reaping what i sowed. i work hard at my job, but i still recklessly spend, and i have little attention span and i just started concerta to help with that. my brain should have healed from the meth right? i have no motivation to do anything. i just sit on my laptop all the time, just filling the time between work and sleep. i don't outright crave meth, but i do miss the way you could just forget all your problems by getting so engrossed in organizing papers or other useless chores, even while your world was falling apart. i was completely clean and sober for three and half years, then i had a couple of drinks a few months ago, which i don't really care about, i'm okay with drinking, but i felt that i had to stay away from everything for a good while. all of my friends are married, with houses and careers. i just feel like i'm hibernating until i can fast forward until i catch up to where i'm supposed to be, and that just makes no sense. i mean its summer and i am so white because i don't go outside. i just feel lost.

 

[jspun]

So I shared about what I tried to do, how I got ripped off, got rid of my pizel last night with a friend in the program ( had a little smashing ceremony- i know kind of lame and cheesy in a programy melodramatic sort of way. Got a response from the party and play website and this guy posted his phone number ( different from first guy I mentioned in my earlier post, he had responded to my post initially but didn't hear from him until just now ( 2 days later) were he posted his phone number. The impression I got is that this guy will hook me up if even if I'm not willing to "play" unlike the first guy to respond. Pea sized warped brain in my head telling me to take alittle vacation from this recovery bullshit but I talked so much shit at the meeting last night, lots of melodrama even by my standards which are hard to top- that I look like a real asshole comming back saying I ended up getting some after all that. Brain going a billion miles a minute again, will go to the beach and clear my head. I was a heroin addict for most of my career but this is a highly seductive drug. Can almost taste it now and that pure euphoria-having trouble making the intellectual leap to the jittery, shity, 8-12 hour comedown that will follow. That will unless I have something to take the edge off that is. i should call someone in the program but a huge part of me doesn't want to. I'm being pathetic and lame- I'll go jump in the water and quit mindfucking myself about all this- besides I haven't even talked to the guy, he probably wants to figure out a way to "play" too. Don't know how coherent this is post is but WTF my brain is spinin.

 

[jspun]

Took my 2 y.o. daughter to the beach in a wagon. Ran into someone from the program out of the blue while I was going back and forth about calling the number from the internet. There's a beach cove at the bottom of stairs that go down cliff. Had a awesome day with my daughter- she's so beautiful, I'm blessed beyond belief, but all the time kept thinkin about shards. Anyway, some assholes threw my daughters wagon down cliff, ended up at base adjacent to beach of other cove. Happened to notice this on our way back up the stairs. Brought beach stuff and shovels to top of stairs and went back to retrive wagon. When I got there some little skinny punk had picked it up and was dragging it to beach. I told him it was mine and he droped it yeld something to his friend and scurried away. A cool fuckin ritcheous girl helped me carry it to the top of the stairs, said she saw assholes who did this and how it was an increadably fucked up thing to do. I'm guessing it was the fucking kook down at the base of the cliff who did it. I could have snapped his skinny little fucking neck and taught him alittle something about respect (the little bitch probably wasn't from around here). But I was holding my 2 year old daughter so how realistic would that have been. Plus I didn't have proof because I didn't see it happen. Thats fucked up though, not the fact that the wagon is expensive (over 100 bucks) and its my fault to an extent for leaving it unattended, but getting rides in that wagon is one of my daughters favorite thing in the world and losing it would have broken her little heart. Usually people around here that are actually from around here show respect, thats why I like this place. Jonesing for tweek more than ever and thinking about the number I have. My wife who saw her Doc a couple of hours ago to get suboxone (she is doing a different track than NA) hasn't come to relieve me so I can go surf and there's waves! Storms that are hitting the coasts of our P loving friends in New Zealand are throwing swell into our swell window. Going insane thinking of getting shards. My brain also tells me , forget the crystal, just go to urgent care, fake a back injury, and get vicodin as a concilation prize. Plan is to hit two mtgs tonight, call my friend, and there is a punk show tonight that peolple from the program are going to go see. As a long time dope fiend (heroin) I used to laugh at people that would come to the program talking about them "kicking" tweek. Just fuckin go to sleep and shut up I used to think, what do you have to complain about. But lately, the obsession for methamphetamine in particular has been kicking my ass hard core, I want to call that number and get just a tiny taste. I'm not thinking about my daughter, or wife, or friends in NA, or parents, or all the good things I have after 10 months clean that I can very easily lose, and there's finally waves for fucks sake, but all I can think about right now is finding away to get ahold of some bomb ass fire.

 

[Pillthrill]

I just want to say...I should have listened.
Alreadying hitting lows I would said I would never hit again.
Not to mention, my relationship may be over. I don't know at this point

2 days and I believe my body is somewhat upset with me about it. Digestive issues. But it could be that I don't remember the last time I ate. This is the worst drug I could have ever stepped into. Now I have to figure how to dig myself out.

It hit me pretty hard when my friend was watching me kinda freak when we couldn't find any for the night. I call it the little green drug monster in my brain that chews on my neurons until it gets what it wants.
Just watching me, he said "Wow, you're not doing so hot huh? You know, it has only been a month and your like that? It took me a year of doing meth to get where you are."
I had nothing to say to that.

A friend called me on the brusing on my arm yesterday (damn people that used to do rehab care) all I could say was, "Yeah, I know. I'm in deep trouble." There is a very large amount of shame that comes with such things....

 

[jspun]

2 days and I believe my body is somewhat upset with me about it. Digestive issues. But it could be that I don't remember the last time I ate. This is the worst drug I could have ever stepped into. Now I have to figure how to dig myself out.

Consider buying ensure if you can afford it. I don't know your whole story but usually hydration, electrolyte balance more pressing than undernourishment. Drink stuff to replace fluids and electrolytes. Throw some fructose in the mix so you don't get acidotic. Consider NA/AA- meetings and letting people know what I've been up to helped me from going insane. That and surfing although that probably isn't an option for you living in Iowa. Besides as they say if you don't surf don't start. I'm guessing there are meetings within 50 miles of you though.

It hit me pretty hard when my friend was watching me kinda freak when we couldn't find any for the night. I call it the little green drug monster in my brain that chews on my neurons until it gets what it wants.

I'm still jonesing hard and haven't been able to find any yet. Keep going back and forth with it between it wasn't ment to be, I'm blessed I didn't hook up and fuck this shit just for today I want to get sparked as fuck. Was actively looking for some today as a matter of fact. Went up to a town called Oceanside but i don't know if there was a recent sweep or what. Keep thinking TJ might be a good option, I have some familiarity with the scene there- see if shits the same. Or I'll do the sensible thing and not use today. This is why a sick fuck like me needs the program-i've been completely fortright with people about what i've been planning. I don't know if you read what I posted- found old pipe that fired up my jonesing but still have 10 months by some great miracle. God or luck aren't making it easy for me to use.

Good luck to you! Didn't get to read all the posts that people were flaming you for but sometimes sharing about where your at whether you consider it good or bad is part of the healing process, the process of being restored to sanity. Scare tactics and doom and gloomonly only stories- we saw how the whole Nancy Reagan "just say no" deal worked out. Hang in there young lady, I'm sure you'll do good and you can look back at all this as if its just a bady dream. Have to go- Cocaine Anonymous mtg bonfire on the beach so I don't give in to my sick head.

 

[jspun]

By the way due to the censorship imposed on this thread, I don't know exactly what you posted, what heinous sin you commited to face such widespread derision and condemnation thrill, but It sounds to me that you have a good attitude and you have handled the vicious caustic flames and criticism hurled at you with dignity and civility, and that counts for alot. %)You sound like this drug hasn't beat the principle and integrity out of you yet. An appology didn't seem waranted to me but its probably good you did in the interest of diplomacy. I mean gee, meth makes you feel good as fuck...you don't say. Lets not offend anyone's delicate sensibilities. 8) I think the truth as you see it is your best friend. Not to push mtgs but there might be one or two people that will listen patiently and thoughtfully about your perceptions of your attitude towards shards whether glowingly enthusiastic or incomprehensibly despairing. And if you choose this route this next suggestion I consider extreemly important- listen not for unsolicited advice but for them to share their experience. I find experience based suggestion from from people that are showing meassurable results invaluable. Those that would kick me when I'm down I see little of value constructively to me. In fact I have high hopes for you. I have years of experience being strung out on heroin, pills, and cocaine mostly with a good maybe year meth run in the mix and I'll tell you that despite the living hell of active addiction I've seen in all its glory my mind keeps
obsessing on using one more time, this time shards are what my brain is craving to the point I feel physically sick from the obsession and spinning brain syndrome . Mtgs have helped- they might not help everyone but for all the anoying bullshit and people sounding brainwashed they have a proven track record and I look for results- people with solid years clean, living a life that seems to me worth living, a life free from the obsession to use drugs based on helping others. Hope that someday I too might trully be happy without drugs. And this NA deal is the only thing keeping me even part of the way from jumping through my skin in the light of the events of the last couple of days. But overall, In all reality despite the episodic jonesing I experience during these 10 months clean, the life I have now is way better than anything I had using despite my whinning and best efforts to sabotage my recovery. Today I accept that as addicts, the desire to use might return from time to time is not beyond the real of possibility.8) And today I am learning to live life on life's terms not wishing it could get better if I could only be "strong" this time, but rather taking positive action when it occurs. Being honest about the spun, insane shit going on in my mind with my support group and the shit I was pulling was also invaluable. Other people sharing the truth about the thoughts going through their heads about fiending for drugs made me realize that wanting to use, or liking dope is not a damable, abnormal, obscene, or heretical act but a normal state for an addict for whom the solution demands empathy, compasion, honesty, and trust. If you feel like its still working for you its ok to still use, and if you feel that way but have some doubts its ok to mention to people at mtgs, I can guaranty your chances of getting crucified and character assasinated the truth as you see it are much less than this message board with its enlightened rules and regulations.8) The key is to be concise leaving out graphic details which would bore people more than anything else. What ever you decide to do good luck and God bless and remember the truth never got anyone loaded but I have seen plenty of people go out over resentments.

P.S. And about the relationship with your boyfriend I'll tell you my experience. Our marriage was on the rocks and going to a 12 step program by my own volition showed to her I seriously wanted it and even though she knows I've been jonesing she also takes into account I'm trying by going to mtgs and she cuts me slack- and we were seperated. The changes she saw in me more than even the stoping of drug use made a big enough impression on her to restablish a measure of trust- our marriage has been greatly repaired. Anyway thats my experience with that.