Messed up relationship with mother - not sure how to proceed

washingtonbound

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
550
Location
FL
I am close to 30 years old and so sick of living with my mother, I can't stand it anymore. I think there's a bit of a fucked up codependent relationship where I depend on her for certain things, and I've been the sounding board for a lot of her bullshit over the years. Anyway, after my parents divorced I went to live with her, and constantly listened to her talk shit about my dad hiding money. I have lived with her for the majority of the last decade, since eighteen. She has called the police on me several times and gotten me thrown in the psych ward, and even though I was manic, she would be the culprit of getting me thrown in there most the time and not other people. When I was in high school, she wouldn't shut the fuck up about me having Asperger's and forced me into therapy. I was also sent to a wilderness program. So I still hold a bit of a grudge for this.

The worst factors are her attempting to file a legal guardianship over me twice, during episodes of psychosis. Despite having psychosis I would not have considered myself totally incompetent. I was able to get rid of the guardianship through a court process thankfully. On three separate occasions, she drugged me with haldol by putting it in my food without my knowledge. Since I had recently gotten out of the ward in these instances, I figured I was just having some kind of rebound effect. I didn't want to believe this and was in shock when she told me, absolutely disgusted in fact, as I should've been.

I have attempted to get the hell away from her and live in South America on my social security disability, only to fail miserably because I only was receiving around 600 dollars a month, and couldn't supplement the rest teaching English. Even though South America is cheap, you really still need around 2k to live comfortably. Anyway, so once again I would wind up back at my mother's, irritated as hell about it.

I am pretty mentally ill and have a hard time holding a job. I wish my disability check was enough to get by, but it's not and I really need a way out of this. Thankfully I was able to get it raised to 950, after bothering them enough at the social security office, so I'm taking off again hoping I can make it work this time.

Point is, I can't stand it anymore. Sometimes when I receive texts from her, I throw my phone against the wall and have broken many screens that way. I don't think she's a "bad" person, but I am genuinely sick of the mamas boy bullshit and being stuck in the damn apartment with her all the time. Doesn't help that I have no friends either.
 
Moving out on your own is a good thing in many ways but it seems like it could also leave you more isolated and vulnerable, particularly in another country. And it isn't necessarily very easy to pick up work as a foreigner. It might be easier for your peace of mind and stability to be in a more familiar culture. I do love Latin America but I know I would always feel like an outsider if I lived there. Which country in South America are you thinking about? How is your Spanish?
 
Moving out on your own is a good thing in many ways but it seems like it could also leave you more isolated and vulnerable, particularly in another country. And it isn't necessarily very easy to pick up work as a foreigner. It might be easier for your peace of mind and stability to be in a more familiar culture. I do love Latin America but I know I would always feel like an outsider if I lived there. Which country in South America are you thinking about? How is your Spanish?
My Spanish is okay enough to get by but not fluent. I stayed in Colombia for four months last year. To be honest, I couldn’t stand that place by the time I left. Couldn’t tell who was trying to be my friend or flat out using me for money due to being a “gringo.” Thugs would often charge me 10x the price for weed. Anyway, I became pretty sick of that place.

I also lived in Mexico for a while, didn’t like it at all. Recently I had a brief stint in Brazil and Argentina. I think Brazil is my favorite, but I have no Portuguese. I intend to return there soon.
 
I've never been to Colombia but it sounds like an interesting place. I love the music. How did you end up picking it and Latin America in general? What drew you to go? I'm sorry to hear you ended up feeling burned by it but I can see how that could happen.
Peru is cheap and very interesting in many ways, but you'll stick out as a gringo ( but it's a slower easier Spanish to speak I thought). Even more so in Bolivia. The people were really nice in Chile I thought, but it costs more. I've never been to Ecuador but it had a reputation for being a good place for Americans to move to, but I hear that crime and economic problems had shot up. But that's true for Peru as well.
 
I've never been to Colombia but it sounds like an interesting place. I love the music. How did you end up picking it and Latin America in general? What drew you to go? I'm sorry to hear you ended up feeling burned by it but I can see how that could happen.
Peru is cheap and very interesting in many ways, but you'll stick out as a gringo ( but it's a slower easier Spanish to speak I thought). Even more so in Bolivia. The people were really nice in Chile I thought, but it costs more. I've never been to Ecuador but it had a reputation for being a good place for Americans to move to, but I hear that crime and economic problems had shot up. But that's true for Peru as well.
I was researching the best "digital nomad" cities when Medellin came up. My first time going there in 2019 I loved it. Unfortunately now locals are beginning to resent gringos because they feel like they are ruining their city with the excessive drug and sex tourism, as well as gentrification. South America was on my radar because it's a short flight from Florida. Was kind of put off by Lima because it was quite filthy. Ecuador was in a crisis recently because armed gangs were warring with the government. One even took over a news station on live TV.

Currently I'm more interested in Brazil than Colombia
 
Yes, Lima is a bit much. For me especially the air pollution. But the suburb of Miraflores is better.
What I really like in Peru are the mountains, though. Hiking is my thing. I also like the archaeology, history, food, jungles. The people are nice, but there is definitely an economic and cultural gap being an American.
Where in Brazil interests you? Sounds like a vibrant place
 
Yes, Lima is a bit much. For me especially the air pollution. But the suburb of Miraflores is better.
What I really like in Peru are the mountains, though. Hiking is my thing. I also like the archaeology, history, food, jungles. The people are nice, but there is definitely an economic and cultural gap being an American.
Where in Brazil interests you? Sounds like a vibrant place
I also love to hike. The main draw of Brazil to me are the people and especially the women. I have an active sex life in Brazil and nothing in the US. Just being honest lol. I’m also interested in visiting the Amazon sometime, but have also been told it’s quite dangerous, much more so than Colombia, which I am familiar with.
 
Well, hell, you've got me persuaded that maybe I need to go to Brazil, too!
I know you have some psychiatric issues from what you said and I'm not qualified to weigh in on that at all. I would say that it sounds like you've done pretty well navigating your way around down there, better than most people. I would only say ( as you certainly know from having done it) that it's hard settling into a foreign country, especially if your money is tight. At least as a long term thing. Visiting as a tourist is easier.
Dunno, could you line up a job in advance? Get some personal contacts to help you?
Anyway, good luck and keep us posted if you go.
 
I understand. My mother is an evil person. Everyone took her side when an incident occured, which I find pathetic. People are seriously eager to be abrasive and hateful toward me and forgive every disgusting thing that monster ever did. I find it sad.
 
Well, hell, you've got me persuaded that maybe I need to go to Brazil, too!
I know you have some psychiatric issues from what you said and I'm not qualified to weigh in on that at all. I would say that it sounds like you've done pretty well navigating your way around down there, better than most people. I would only say ( as you certainly know from having done it) that it's hard settling into a foreign country, especially if your money is tight. At least as a long term thing. Visiting as a tourist is easier.
Dunno, could you line up a job in advance? Get some personal contacts to help you?
Anyway, good luck and keep us posted if you go.
I don’t think traveling is as hard or scary as most people make it out to be. Honestly, I had a much easier time taking the bus in South American than I ever did with the shitty greyhound in the US. I have a friend who struggles with mental illness, who had no problem even in ghetto parts of bogota. I just stick to traveling during the day and don’t have many problems.

I teach English online sometimes but the pay is terrible. That is what leads me back to Florida.
 
I don’t think traveling is as hard or scary as most people make it out to be. Honestly, I had a much easier time taking the bus in South American than I ever did with the shitty greyhound in the US. I have a friend who struggles with mental illness, who had no problem even in ghetto parts of bogota. I just stick to traveling during the day and don’t have many problems.

I teach English online sometimes but the pay is terrible. That is what leads me back to Florida.
Yeah, the buses in Latino America are great. I usually have traveled solo and find it a good experience. Unlike Greyhound, which I hate.
Cool that you can line up some online work. Maybe you can find some online US work that pays at a US pay grade
 
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