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Messed up bad ... Again

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857dino5421

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 20, 2014
Messages
4
This H is one rough drug. Last year I O.D.'d . And junta few days ago went to the hospital for an abcess from muscling it. They admitted me right away and sent me home with antibiotics after a cat scan. Well the next day still in a lot of pain and fever I ran into the door jam and hit my abcess which is located between my tri and bi cep muscle. That causes it to rupture I guess or leak if you will this dark yellow substance . I went again to the hospital and they admitted me right away once again ... This time they said I needed an operation . I didn't argue with them. I was in a lot of pain and wanted it to be over. So I agreed. I woke up and it was done . I didn't know exactly what was done until the next morning. And lots and lots of dilotidid later . I don't think I'm spelling that pain killer right but it's the one above morphine . Man that was awesome . Every two or there hours. Right in my I.v. They knew I was in for herion. I had actually gotten caught doing. Herion in the bathroom before the operation. They said they would take care of me and not let me get sick . I had no idea that meant all the shit I wanted !! Again very awesome !! Anyway back to the abcess .., not awesome at all !! The next day when the nurse changed the dressing I got to see what they did . Let me tell you I was in shock . The hole in my arm must be bigger than a silver dollar and deeper than an inch . It's fucken huge. I kind of regretted it but the pain has disappeared . I just can't believe it . Would like to hear any support I can get and also posted this hoping this may help someone who was as careless as me using the same needle for three weeks in a row! I figured since I was muscling it I would be fine . Boy I was mistaken . This drug has taken a lot from me . I died when I over dosed . That didn't straighten me out but I have had enough . I'm quoting. Tomorrow when I get my suboxone . Anyways watch out for those abcess . They are nothing. Nice !!!
 
Good for you for getting on subs… It sounds like you have had a horrific experience. Hang in there! I've overdosed a few times, it's a wake up call. Also died once.
Did it stop me? No! But I'm done now --- 1 month off Heroin.

Welcome to BL. :)
 
Hi thAnks for replying . I have gotten off herion four times already using suboxone . Great drug! Painless . I did it each time in less than twenty days . I'm wondering. If that's why I'm going back . Should I stay on longer ? I don't last a week ! But I feel really ready this time. Just worried is all I can't do it
 
Good luck getting on suboxone man, I myself kicked a long time heroin habit a couple years ago and haven't looked back. I've smoked heroin a handful of times since then, but never went back to my old habits or IV. It seems pretty dark and impossible right now I'm sure, but believe me, it can be done.
 
857dino5421 said:
Hi thAnks for replying . I have gotten off herion four times already using suboxone . Great drug! Painless . I did it each time in less than twenty days . I'm wondering. If that's why I'm going back . Should I stay on longer ? I don't last a week ! But I feel really ready this time. Just worried is all I can't do it
Click to expand...

How are you doing today?
 
Today I was very depressed . I don't wanna do nothing . I have interests in nothing . I'm still doing h . I'm hoping tomorrow I'll go to the doctor . I really don't have much hope for my future at this point . It's very depressing . I need to get out of this mode of thinking .
 
857dino5421 Welcome to BL!

Sorry to hear about the abscess & the pain you are in. However it could have been a lot worse. You could have lost your limb. There are lots of people on here that will be more than willing to help you in anyway they can. They have been through it, just like you.

I understand that you are down, but things will begin to look up for you. Especially if you quit the H. The best thing you can do is change your way of thinking, just like you said. It's not easy but if you want it bad enough you can do it! I have faith in you.

Again welcome to BL, lots of great people on here.

Jen
 
857dino5421 said:
Today I was very depressed . I don't wanna do nothing . I have interests in nothing . I'm still doing h . I'm hoping tomorrow I'll go to the doctor . I really don't have much hope for my future at this point . It's very depressing . I need to get out of this mode of thinking .
Click to expand...

When you say that you are wondering " if that's why I'm going back " …. are you referring to the suboxone taking you back to Heroin? Maybe your doctor can prescribe some withdrawal medications to ease the discomfort in the interim.

It is great you recognize the need to get out of a certain thinking mode. Awareness is awesome, even though it may not feel good.
In that ... it is the thinking about what's coming up maybe that keeps some of us bound. I know for me, 30 days ago … I felt suicidal, but this has changed once my brain started producing natural endorphins again. Depression can be an inability to construct one's future, ' but ' …. good news is (and I know this is so very difficult to see when one is ' in it ' … ), part of the depression will pass as it's due to drugs. Not to say there is underlying depression….

Let us know how things are going.. :)
 
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