So I've wrote like 2 reports in the last week about my use of this stuff. Yes, I know using it so much isn't good, and friday night/saturday morning was the last.... for definite.
I`m 100% sure that there was something in this stuff, it was definitely not just Mephedrone. The visuals I was getting were beyond belief.... if I wanted anything to morph into anything else, it would. This isn't how Mephedrone works.
I`m not going to write a timeframe etc, as it'll be too much like the ones I've written before, so I`m just going to point out the main things that made me think 'fuck this shit' when I woke up.
So, basically I was on Meph most of thursday afternoon/night, and you can see my report from that on here. But due to me kinda getting hooked on this stuff, I was on it again the night after.
I know that recently I have called people weak etc for not being able to stop using this, and propping myself for thinking I could stop at a certain amount, but I couldn't. So to anybody I have offended, or caused trouble with on here, my sincere apologies go out to you. And thank you, for bringing me back down to reality.
Back onto the report. So about 9pm on Friday, I picked up another 2G of this stuff, from a known source, but a source I'd never gotten the stuff from before. It looked usual, maybe a little erm... 'wet', like moist than usual, but that could have been anything.
So between 10pm friday, and 3am saturday I was insufflating the stuff. Doing probably 100mg a time, moving upto about 150mg within a couple of hours. Nothing unusual happening, not even the little visuals I usually get from Meph when I've not slept. Just a little euphoria, feeling good, sweaty hands etc.
However. Between roughly 3am saturday, to 3pm, just a guess as I kind of have no idea what time it actually was, things went extremely fucked up. At 3am ish, I started to get a little 'eary'. The same sort of feeling I get when I am coming up on MDMA, which was... confusing to say the least. Shortly after(it felt as if I'd flicked a switch), I started to get insane visuals, and disabled like bodily activity. I`m unsure whether the visuals were causing this but, I'd lay there, with my hands bent back or forth, myback arched, just unable to move. It felt as if I was glued in that position for a short while, andf these motions kept repeating themselves every couple of hours.
The visuals were mindblowingly out of this world. Kind of fascinating at the time, but thinking about it now, terrifying. I was lay in my bed at this point, with my blind open, and staring at the sky. The sky was cloudy, but had a lot of space in between the clouds. EVERY SINGLE cloud was a mammal, or a being, or a living thing of some kind. Aliens, people, angels, animals, things you see in games, messed up stuff I've never seen before, vehicles, demons.... literally everything. Not one cloud, or one section of a cloud, was just 'a cloud'. Some of them seemed loved up, some of them arguing, some of them angry, some silent. But, if I pointed at one, and like waved it over with my hands, it'd look at me, and start coming. It was slowly fading away as it got closer, and about 20 yards from my window, it'd disappear.
It was so much different and realistic to how I've explained but, I can't put it into words, it was mindblowing. Also, after having read about somebody on acid who said the sky turned purple for them, I was kind of telling the sky, almost forcing and/or pleading with it to go purple. For about 2 hours I was just staring at it, saying 'Come on you fucker, purple! Purple, purple, purple... please!'. It started to fade in and out of a VERY, VERY light pink sometimes, then it'd reset. But, after these 2 hours, it shon pink. I`m not just talking pink, I mean, it was as if somebody let of a nuclear pink warhead in the sky, it was making my eyes squint. It was as pink as anything you've ever seen. Here's a picture of how pink it was, take the pinkest part here, and the whole sky was like this... ''http://www.cosmicharmony.com/LightWorkers/Mnq3/PinkSky.jpg''. Then it faded out, and I rolled over.
What I was to visualize now was indescribable but, I`ll have a bash anyway. I was putting my whole body under my quilt, with my legs perched up so you could see my legs from the top to my knees. All of a sudden, my knees, were changing into faces, and the part of my legs that you could see, their bodies. Wtf, my legs were changing into people. It was so fucking clear. They were interacting with things I said. But it was like, I could say to myself 'Change into such and such', and they would. Like, I would say 'change into the girl off the ring, both of you', in my head, and boom... there they were. It was, hand on heart, as if two small people were there under my quilt with me. Talking.. interacting. I kept switching between that, and taking my head out of my quilt.
While my head was out of my quilt I was visualizing some more 'scary' stuff. I would look at my hand, and it was do all sorts of things. The first, my fingers would grow. I`m not talking about my hand growing... I`m talking about looking at my fingers, and watching them grow, in length, by 3-4 inches. I kept doing it because I was fascinated... confused, but fascinated. Another, I would hold my hand out sideways, and the top half of my fingers would start melting slowly. As if they was melting, and dripping downwards. The last thing was scary ;/. I'd stare at my hand and it'd shrink... but my fingers would stay the same size. It's like my hand was getting crushed into my wrist, as my wrist was expanding. It was like my fingers were forcing my hand downwards... I can't explain it any better than that. That's such a shockingly bad explanation sorry, but I can not put it into words.
Other things including my legs slowly melting, as in, you'd see patches of the skin melting, then stuff would leak out. My legs slowly starting to morph into mesh wire, the sort of stuff you get over rabbit hutches, some fenches etc. Then I had little visuals under my quilt of weird animal type thing I couldn't possibly be able to explain. Feet morphing into just stumps on the bottoms of my legs... lots more that I cannot explain.
I knew none if it was real, but it was real at the time, that I'd get caught up in it and get confused as to whether it was real or not, if that makes any sense at all.
The one thing I did know was real, which started happening at about 9am saturday morning, was that my heart was feeling massive strain. In 3 days I'd have taken close to 4G of this stuff, and another 2g about 3-4 days before, and my heart was feeling it. It was beating so fast it seemed to be going slow, if that makes sense. Every double 'boomboom' beat it did, was so close to feeling like just one it was that quick. It was also missing beats, sometimes, for just like 1-2seconds, I couldnt feel it beating at all. I could also feel it straining, like, it was actually hurting... I could feel my heart hurting, wtf. The most scary part is that I still insufflated 300mg after lying there with my hand on my heart for an hour or so.... fucking stupid idiot.
This will be the last time I will ever indulge in taking drugs of any sort again. Not because they're really, really bad for you, because in moderation, most are not, but because I have realised I am a weak person, and I do not know when to stop(fuck that feels like such a relief to say that out loud, to somebody else, bringing a slight tear to my eye). The fact that I could have been close to dying, though unsure, and I was still taking a drug that can damage your heart pretty bad, has made me so disgusted with myself, my ego is gone. I genuinely feel like I`m a better person already, like I would do anything for anybody.
The question I would like to ask though is... why, off just Mephedrone, was I getting such unbelievably intense visuals? A couple of reasons I came up with were these;
- It simply wasn't Meph... I've never heard of anybody getting visuals like this
- It was cut with something that reacted with Meph and caused my brain to work in a weird way
- It was coming down from the Meph I used the night before, and bringing myself back up reacted in a weird way
- I am fucked up, worried about about something, severely troubled or have issues
This is the lat time you shall see a TR from me, thanks for everything, love you guys, peace.
I`m 100% sure that there was something in this stuff, it was definitely not just Mephedrone. The visuals I was getting were beyond belief.... if I wanted anything to morph into anything else, it would. This isn't how Mephedrone works.
I`m not going to write a timeframe etc, as it'll be too much like the ones I've written before, so I`m just going to point out the main things that made me think 'fuck this shit' when I woke up.
So, basically I was on Meph most of thursday afternoon/night, and you can see my report from that on here. But due to me kinda getting hooked on this stuff, I was on it again the night after.
I know that recently I have called people weak etc for not being able to stop using this, and propping myself for thinking I could stop at a certain amount, but I couldn't. So to anybody I have offended, or caused trouble with on here, my sincere apologies go out to you. And thank you, for bringing me back down to reality.
Back onto the report. So about 9pm on Friday, I picked up another 2G of this stuff, from a known source, but a source I'd never gotten the stuff from before. It looked usual, maybe a little erm... 'wet', like moist than usual, but that could have been anything.
So between 10pm friday, and 3am saturday I was insufflating the stuff. Doing probably 100mg a time, moving upto about 150mg within a couple of hours. Nothing unusual happening, not even the little visuals I usually get from Meph when I've not slept. Just a little euphoria, feeling good, sweaty hands etc.
However. Between roughly 3am saturday, to 3pm, just a guess as I kind of have no idea what time it actually was, things went extremely fucked up. At 3am ish, I started to get a little 'eary'. The same sort of feeling I get when I am coming up on MDMA, which was... confusing to say the least. Shortly after(it felt as if I'd flicked a switch), I started to get insane visuals, and disabled like bodily activity. I`m unsure whether the visuals were causing this but, I'd lay there, with my hands bent back or forth, myback arched, just unable to move. It felt as if I was glued in that position for a short while, andf these motions kept repeating themselves every couple of hours.
The visuals were mindblowingly out of this world. Kind of fascinating at the time, but thinking about it now, terrifying. I was lay in my bed at this point, with my blind open, and staring at the sky. The sky was cloudy, but had a lot of space in between the clouds. EVERY SINGLE cloud was a mammal, or a being, or a living thing of some kind. Aliens, people, angels, animals, things you see in games, messed up stuff I've never seen before, vehicles, demons.... literally everything. Not one cloud, or one section of a cloud, was just 'a cloud'. Some of them seemed loved up, some of them arguing, some of them angry, some silent. But, if I pointed at one, and like waved it over with my hands, it'd look at me, and start coming. It was slowly fading away as it got closer, and about 20 yards from my window, it'd disappear.
It was so much different and realistic to how I've explained but, I can't put it into words, it was mindblowing. Also, after having read about somebody on acid who said the sky turned purple for them, I was kind of telling the sky, almost forcing and/or pleading with it to go purple. For about 2 hours I was just staring at it, saying 'Come on you fucker, purple! Purple, purple, purple... please!'. It started to fade in and out of a VERY, VERY light pink sometimes, then it'd reset. But, after these 2 hours, it shon pink. I`m not just talking pink, I mean, it was as if somebody let of a nuclear pink warhead in the sky, it was making my eyes squint. It was as pink as anything you've ever seen. Here's a picture of how pink it was, take the pinkest part here, and the whole sky was like this... ''http://www.cosmicharmony.com/LightWorkers/Mnq3/PinkSky.jpg''. Then it faded out, and I rolled over.
What I was to visualize now was indescribable but, I`ll have a bash anyway. I was putting my whole body under my quilt, with my legs perched up so you could see my legs from the top to my knees. All of a sudden, my knees, were changing into faces, and the part of my legs that you could see, their bodies. Wtf, my legs were changing into people. It was so fucking clear. They were interacting with things I said. But it was like, I could say to myself 'Change into such and such', and they would. Like, I would say 'change into the girl off the ring, both of you', in my head, and boom... there they were. It was, hand on heart, as if two small people were there under my quilt with me. Talking.. interacting. I kept switching between that, and taking my head out of my quilt.
While my head was out of my quilt I was visualizing some more 'scary' stuff. I would look at my hand, and it was do all sorts of things. The first, my fingers would grow. I`m not talking about my hand growing... I`m talking about looking at my fingers, and watching them grow, in length, by 3-4 inches. I kept doing it because I was fascinated... confused, but fascinated. Another, I would hold my hand out sideways, and the top half of my fingers would start melting slowly. As if they was melting, and dripping downwards. The last thing was scary ;/. I'd stare at my hand and it'd shrink... but my fingers would stay the same size. It's like my hand was getting crushed into my wrist, as my wrist was expanding. It was like my fingers were forcing my hand downwards... I can't explain it any better than that. That's such a shockingly bad explanation sorry, but I can not put it into words.
Other things including my legs slowly melting, as in, you'd see patches of the skin melting, then stuff would leak out. My legs slowly starting to morph into mesh wire, the sort of stuff you get over rabbit hutches, some fenches etc. Then I had little visuals under my quilt of weird animal type thing I couldn't possibly be able to explain. Feet morphing into just stumps on the bottoms of my legs... lots more that I cannot explain.
I knew none if it was real, but it was real at the time, that I'd get caught up in it and get confused as to whether it was real or not, if that makes any sense at all.
The one thing I did know was real, which started happening at about 9am saturday morning, was that my heart was feeling massive strain. In 3 days I'd have taken close to 4G of this stuff, and another 2g about 3-4 days before, and my heart was feeling it. It was beating so fast it seemed to be going slow, if that makes sense. Every double 'boomboom' beat it did, was so close to feeling like just one it was that quick. It was also missing beats, sometimes, for just like 1-2seconds, I couldnt feel it beating at all. I could also feel it straining, like, it was actually hurting... I could feel my heart hurting, wtf. The most scary part is that I still insufflated 300mg after lying there with my hand on my heart for an hour or so.... fucking stupid idiot.
This will be the last time I will ever indulge in taking drugs of any sort again. Not because they're really, really bad for you, because in moderation, most are not, but because I have realised I am a weak person, and I do not know when to stop(fuck that feels like such a relief to say that out loud, to somebody else, bringing a slight tear to my eye). The fact that I could have been close to dying, though unsure, and I was still taking a drug that can damage your heart pretty bad, has made me so disgusted with myself, my ego is gone. I genuinely feel like I`m a better person already, like I would do anything for anybody.
The question I would like to ask though is... why, off just Mephedrone, was I getting such unbelievably intense visuals? A couple of reasons I came up with were these;
- It simply wasn't Meph... I've never heard of anybody getting visuals like this
- It was cut with something that reacted with Meph and caused my brain to work in a weird way
- It was coming down from the Meph I used the night before, and bringing myself back up reacted in a weird way
- I am fucked up, worried about about something, severely troubled or have issues
This is the lat time you shall see a TR from me, thanks for everything, love you guys, peace.
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