Or "how it all got out of hand".
This is an honest account of my meph usage since I "discovered" it in March this year. Now I've written it, I wonder why the hell I'm giving this info. It's only going to invite flaming.
Before you flame me:
I don't think this is cool. Or good. Or even fun. I am terrified by my consumption, and I really, really want to stop.
"Just stop then"
is not helpful.
23rd March Ordered my first 2g of meph after lots of reading on BL and agonising over methylone vs mephedrone.
Sessions often lead to staying up all night, but never more than 1 night. Usually involve about 300mg total spread over a few bombs and little tiny mini lines.
24th April
Order another 2g.
Usage same.
End of April
Buy and try some methylone. Unimpressed.
Early may
Meet some local mephheads.
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=7117287&postcount=99
These are not stupid guys, but they have the whole "YAH YAH LET'S CAIN IT HAAARRDD!!" bravado thing. First time I've come across people like that - genuinely really nice people who like to get very fucked.
Used up the rest of my meph and M1 at their after-party.
Also went to the BL meetup in London, where I met my soon-to-become boyfriend mugabe.
Here's where it starts to escalate
28th May
Order 2g
Still taking small doses (I didn't weigh them, but they were approx 100mg bombs) -- but this is when I started taking a baggie of bombs to work with me to avoid the comedown.
10th June
Order 5g
I think I had about 3g in 3 days (no sleep) and mugabe had the other 2g.
Heavy.
June was insane. That's the month I made taking meph at work a regular thing.
Justification thought #1. "Hmm, I'm bored this evening. Really bored. I think I'll have some meph! It's a work night, but I'll get some sleep somehow, so it's not so bad"
#2 "Doh, it's 4am. I might as well stay up now, I'll feel worse if I sleep"
#3 "I'll take a few small bombs to work with me so I don't crash and fall asleep" (total impossibility -- meph keeps me awake for 12 hours after last dose)
#4 "Home sweet home. That wasn't too bad, think I coped ok. Will have a bigger dose to get nicely fucked and have some fun. Might as well, since I'm already on it. I'll sleep tonight, so it's not so bad"
Go to #1, and you have June.
Mugabe and I agreed that we're taking too much too often and that we need a break. Decide to stop until 1st August (5 weeks away).
I go through my 10 days of hell meph crash. I wanted to kill myself by day 7 - I thought it'd never get any better.
I made these posts when i finally felt better.
"I feel better!"
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=7298581&postcount=25
"I don't know if I'll do meph again"
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=7298629&postcount=27
"I know I'll do meph again"
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=7298645&postcount=29
Pretty much sums up the problem: "I hate myself for it... but in my heart, I know that come August 1st, I'll somehow condone a meph bender."
We lasted a month, til 24th July, not 1st August. But in that month we did a great great variety of drugs! For me, none of them matched up to meph. I remember saying "ket isn't as good as meph" -- mugabe looking gorgeously bemused at the comparison - no doubt everyone else agree that it's a weird one. Sunlight isn't as good as cheese.
I don't have my order history for August - I guess mugabe paid for those. I know that it was almost all at the weekends, occasionally spilling over onto a Monday. This was good, compared to June.
At this point a 5g bag between us would last us 1 session. I don't mean 1 day - I mean Friday afternoon through to Sunday night. No sleep. Not great.
A few times we finished the bag on Saturday afternoon and went and bought more locally, for £20 a gram.
That said, although we were probably causing ourselves no end of damage, it wasn't interfering with our lives. I took GBL most evenings recreationally, and found that the rebound from that plus a load of caffeine pills and coffee was enough to keep me awake at work. There was no comedown to speak of, just tiredness.
Then came the END... September... when we made our BULK buy. And I do mean BULK.
The day it arrived, we oohed and aahed at the big bag... drew a smiley face on it, and "sampled" it.
I hadn't realised that running out was the only thing that stopped us usually. After all, a 2g bag lasted me a month not so long before.
I think the "sampling" was a 3 day binge, then sleep, then another few days. Lasted just over a week.
We were still measuring our usage then.... we got through about 10g each in that week.
Then we again said:
"WE WILL BE SENSIBLE FROM NOW ON".
I was again struck down by the almighty meph comedown. We stopped on a Sunday, and rather surprisingly we made it to Friday. I had a beer at work (contract celebration thing) and it put me in a LET'S GET FUCKED mood.
That lasted another week or so. Eventually I stayed awake for 4 nights in a row and went mental. Hallucinations were quite nice for a bit - but then it all got a bit nasty.
I set 4 alarms for work the next morning but slept through all of them. Pissed off and a bit scared by my binge, I vowed... blah blah
By now the comedown was REALLY HURTING.
Mugabe did a line one day while I was at work... instantly felt guilty and told me. I used it as an excuse to have some too. And here we are.... I don't think there's been a day without meph for.... well, a long time.
The quantities are through the roof too. For example, today, starting from midnight (this is just guessing -- my memory is hazy and I didn't weight most of the bombs):
2 bombs ~150mg
1 line ~75mg
1 bomb ~150mg
Slept for a bit.
1 bomb ~250mg
4 bombs (work) ~100mg
1 line ~50mg
1 bomb ~200mg
1 bomb ~325mg
1 bomb ~150mg
That's nearly 2g. So 14g a week.... 60g a month... That can't be right!!!!
I think it is though.
How am I still alive?
This is an honest account of my meph usage since I "discovered" it in March this year. Now I've written it, I wonder why the hell I'm giving this info. It's only going to invite flaming.
Before you flame me:
I don't think this is cool. Or good. Or even fun. I am terrified by my consumption, and I really, really want to stop.
"Just stop then"
is not helpful.
23rd March Ordered my first 2g of meph after lots of reading on BL and agonising over methylone vs mephedrone.
Sessions often lead to staying up all night, but never more than 1 night. Usually involve about 300mg total spread over a few bombs and little tiny mini lines.
24th April
Order another 2g.
Usage same.
End of April
Buy and try some methylone. Unimpressed.
Early may
Meet some local mephheads.
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=7117287&postcount=99
These are not stupid guys, but they have the whole "YAH YAH LET'S CAIN IT HAAARRDD!!" bravado thing. First time I've come across people like that - genuinely really nice people who like to get very fucked.
Used up the rest of my meph and M1 at their after-party.
Also went to the BL meetup in London, where I met my soon-to-become boyfriend mugabe.
Here's where it starts to escalate
28th May
Order 2g
Still taking small doses (I didn't weigh them, but they were approx 100mg bombs) -- but this is when I started taking a baggie of bombs to work with me to avoid the comedown.
10th June
Order 5g
I think I had about 3g in 3 days (no sleep) and mugabe had the other 2g.
Heavy.
June was insane. That's the month I made taking meph at work a regular thing.
Justification thought #1. "Hmm, I'm bored this evening. Really bored. I think I'll have some meph! It's a work night, but I'll get some sleep somehow, so it's not so bad"
#2 "Doh, it's 4am. I might as well stay up now, I'll feel worse if I sleep"
#3 "I'll take a few small bombs to work with me so I don't crash and fall asleep" (total impossibility -- meph keeps me awake for 12 hours after last dose)
#4 "Home sweet home. That wasn't too bad, think I coped ok. Will have a bigger dose to get nicely fucked and have some fun. Might as well, since I'm already on it. I'll sleep tonight, so it's not so bad"
Go to #1, and you have June.
Mugabe and I agreed that we're taking too much too often and that we need a break. Decide to stop until 1st August (5 weeks away).
I go through my 10 days of hell meph crash. I wanted to kill myself by day 7 - I thought it'd never get any better.
I made these posts when i finally felt better.
"I feel better!"
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=7298581&postcount=25
"I don't know if I'll do meph again"
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=7298629&postcount=27
"I know I'll do meph again"
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=7298645&postcount=29
Pretty much sums up the problem: "I hate myself for it... but in my heart, I know that come August 1st, I'll somehow condone a meph bender."
We lasted a month, til 24th July, not 1st August. But in that month we did a great great variety of drugs! For me, none of them matched up to meph. I remember saying "ket isn't as good as meph" -- mugabe looking gorgeously bemused at the comparison - no doubt everyone else agree that it's a weird one. Sunlight isn't as good as cheese.
I don't have my order history for August - I guess mugabe paid for those. I know that it was almost all at the weekends, occasionally spilling over onto a Monday. This was good, compared to June.
At this point a 5g bag between us would last us 1 session. I don't mean 1 day - I mean Friday afternoon through to Sunday night. No sleep. Not great.
A few times we finished the bag on Saturday afternoon and went and bought more locally, for £20 a gram.
That said, although we were probably causing ourselves no end of damage, it wasn't interfering with our lives. I took GBL most evenings recreationally, and found that the rebound from that plus a load of caffeine pills and coffee was enough to keep me awake at work. There was no comedown to speak of, just tiredness.
Then came the END... September... when we made our BULK buy. And I do mean BULK.
The day it arrived, we oohed and aahed at the big bag... drew a smiley face on it, and "sampled" it.
I hadn't realised that running out was the only thing that stopped us usually. After all, a 2g bag lasted me a month not so long before.
I think the "sampling" was a 3 day binge, then sleep, then another few days. Lasted just over a week.
We were still measuring our usage then.... we got through about 10g each in that week.
Then we again said:
"WE WILL BE SENSIBLE FROM NOW ON".
I was again struck down by the almighty meph comedown. We stopped on a Sunday, and rather surprisingly we made it to Friday. I had a beer at work (contract celebration thing) and it put me in a LET'S GET FUCKED mood.
That lasted another week or so. Eventually I stayed awake for 4 nights in a row and went mental. Hallucinations were quite nice for a bit - but then it all got a bit nasty.
I set 4 alarms for work the next morning but slept through all of them. Pissed off and a bit scared by my binge, I vowed... blah blah
By now the comedown was REALLY HURTING.
Mugabe did a line one day while I was at work... instantly felt guilty and told me. I used it as an excuse to have some too. And here we are.... I don't think there's been a day without meph for.... well, a long time.
The quantities are through the roof too. For example, today, starting from midnight (this is just guessing -- my memory is hazy and I didn't weight most of the bombs):
2 bombs ~150mg
1 line ~75mg
1 bomb ~150mg
Slept for a bit.
1 bomb ~250mg
4 bombs (work) ~100mg
1 line ~50mg
1 bomb ~200mg
1 bomb ~325mg
1 bomb ~150mg
That's nearly 2g. So 14g a week.... 60g a month... That can't be right!!!!
I think it is though.
How am I still alive?
), I definitely think it can be addictive to some people.