Mentally I'm not in a right place because of some fuck shit AA thumper (not knocking !!, but there are more than just the 12 steps to follow to be a member, if you don't know, go find out because now i can only trust what i hear on a phamplet that is free at the meetings & the coffee ofc)
meanwhile, my sister, and my older cousins on my dads sides are all the Alcoholics (where we do not stop and go to bed, we get more, well, i go get crack, but w,e).
So I asked the lady over Gift Operations if they if a multi million dollar non-profit rehab my family whom I will mention bellow donated well into the thousands, can they get atleast a thankyou? (you know how you can pick a charitable cause to donate to on your birthday on FB), like a lot of us, we make it hella hard on ourselves, especially younger trying to make friends and all my 'friends' wanted to do is stare at my handicapped brother whom id die to this day for if he hadn't beat me to it.
Told the fat bitch that combined between my mother a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner, Dad graduate of UAB BS degree, later Masters then went to teach Organic Chemistry at Uni of AL Roll Ride (mostly related to the enviromant, so what made shit toxic in drinking water), Then all my other cousins and aunt and uncle that I wish I spent more time with then all have multiple degrees, masters & 2x PhD's, they gave a lot to this rehab that aint a rehab anymore. Sadly, It killed my soul then and there. I ended up with me like, then where is the god damn money going they are sending?
They didn't really want a 'thank you' but would have appreciated it ,and when the fat(no offence to my ladies but ud be upset too I bet) ,find her ass doing her daily what $23 x2 snooze on the floor for 2 hours of bitch laying on the floor (where she could have easily asked for my family names at least to get them a fucking thank you or something. (which surprised the fuck out of me) ,and after hearing that I slowly walked backwards and said I'll just go back to doing my job now). (this is where i said fuck this fucking place)
So I was given a free signed book by the founder and Mailing that to some family that raised 3K and my mother I am sending her something special.
,
If anyone knows the old me knows I would have never done this, and I do fucking care.
And moving forward can be so fucking hard sometimes, but it's 1,000x better then going backwards.
My HP placed me in those tent cities, under an overpass (I'm drunk, and aint got a god damn thing to lose, so if you stab me and killed me then you would be doing me a fucking favor and that's on everything), fuck one time i crashed in the woman's portable port aloo (but for kinds n queens of the homeless population) (it had running water so it wasn't a blue one, but here I was a place with water, something to think of when you walk the streets and look as you haven't showered in 2 weeks, who the hell gonna let you in.
Welp there's another indecent exposure charge not bad considering time served in jail where they assigned murders, rapist,weed growers a hot, cot and 3 meals.
Dec 1stish, lost my favorite Granddaddy, Full Bird US Airforce pilot((went back to college after drafted in WW2(Army Air-corps flying fighter planes to defend US/our fucking Bombe to become an Aeronautical Engineer and re-enlisted into the Airforce and flew until he got reassigned a desk job at the Pentagon. My Granddaddy died and since I wasn't invited to the funeral because i was such a fuck infront of other family members when thats what i needed the most..I tricked myself thinking If I drink to keep warm then its normal to drink liquor. Might work, but not when you go look for crack in a city, state, town you don't even know where to go let alone how the fuck did a river get here?)
I feel fucked but going to try and do something positive today and not drink over some dude that thinks AA
. I self medicate a lot. Opiates are the panacea.