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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Just had my Zoom psychologist sessions and I'm lowkey mad because she used her witchy ways to get things out of me I never intended to say. Something I have never told anyone else. That part of the reason I would immeditaley take my husband back and forgive him is because I feel like I can't blame somebody for not wanting to be around me. Bloody witch.
 
Trying to overcome this cycle of depression feels draining but i have to keep moving foward even with no energy. Will be staying with a friend for a few weeks then come back. Keep having bad dreams doubting my plans for next year stupid intrusive thoughts.

Really want to do a year of sobriety next year but just starting it is tough atm where my only solace is drugs. Will try do a 1 hour daily mediation next year and keep at it and go gym. I believe this lifetime depression that comes and goes and is untreatable by everything still has a purpose of turning me towards enlightenment but im to fucking lazy to dedicate every waking moment of my life to it.

 
TripSitterNZ said:
Trying to overcome this cycle of depression feels draining but i have to keep moving foward even with no energy. Will be staying with a friend for a few weeks then come back. Keep having bad dreams doubting my plans for next year stupid intrusive thoughts.

Really want to do a year of sobriety next year but just starting it is tough atm where my only solace is drugs. Will try do a 1 hour daily mediation next year and keep at it and go gym. I believe this lifetime depression that comes and goes and is untreatable by everything still has a purpose of turning me towards enlightenment but im to fucking lazy to dedicate every waking moment of my life to it.

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You’re a potent creator..
I know it’s hard though, this place is tough. You don’t need to spend every waking moment dedicated to it - what you do is enough. Don’t know you too well but I loved your post on the god thread.

we’re here for you.
you got this!
 
i called my dr to change my sleeping pill a week latter i got a bill for 150$ they suck i want to up my dose but dont want to have to pay for a 150 for a 3 min conversation so lame
 
Anxious, but not depressed or suicidal. Life is ok.
I managed to quit weed for a few days, but then I had a week of fucking around with lyrica, tramadol, weed, shrooms and alcohol. Now it's just weed again. Was gonna quit again but got some money so bought a small amount today. We at least bought some food too and not only weed. Ugh. Zero income right now. Actually looked for some jobs today, no luck though. I don't think I could manage a job right now, but maybe if I work 50% or something.
It feels like im just repeating my life over and over again, straightening up, quitting, starting again. But at least the bad periods are getting shorter each time.

2 months since my abusive stalker ex got arrested. Im nervous about the trial. Somehow I forgot that his attorney is gonna ask me questions, and now I got all these worst case scenarios in my head. They have a lot of proof though, letters, emails, recordings and stuff. 50 cases of harrasment just on the letters he sent me lol. It's quite unusual to have so much proof with a trial like this, so that's nice.


I hope you are feeling well blue friends, it's been a while since I was on BL (just a few weeks I guess, felt a lot longer), but im glad to be back
 
g0df1sh said:
I feel like shit.
Put my dog to sleep today..
No matter how I try to spin it, I feel dark. Even knowing he’s not suffering anymore, I still feel like shit. I’m not ready to speak of him in past tense.
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*huge bear hug* I’m so sorry.

That stops me in my tracks from wanting to complain about how tired and sore I am. Trying to avoid snorting the last of my coke.
 
one time there was a parade u know hiw they drive slow, my dog jumped out of the car window and and hit a car tire, it was devastating he barely even hit the tire, it was a bad day
 
I wanna stop daily use. Using this crap daily is just stupid. I made a promise some months ago that Im gonna stop bupre when I dont feel it anymore and thats where I currently am.

I fucking want to work, Ive worked for 3 years when I was 17-21. Propably for 10 days or so after the court.
 
So I finally got confirmation for why my best friend quit hanging around with me. Hes the type of person to not say things when need to. But anyways, half a year ago I sold one item he bought for me and because my memory is shit and stuff I sold it. I really didnt realize or remember it was his or I never would have sold it. Then few months ago I bought 16-20 concertas for half free from our mutual friend. Well I promised to give him and our other friend some. I gave both 5 and left 6-10 for myself. He thought it had 30 concertas and I cheated him. I also paid for the concertas and gave them away for free. Fuck these misunderstandings. He also still remembers the times I was prescribed benzos and was a horrible junkie. I hope in time we can be friends again. As Im taking steps to normalize life I think its possible.
 
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