Hey everyone...long time BL'er first time posting here...whazzzup madness? Well you know my situation...30+ years using heroin and still want to keep using...Being totally honest I just love it sooooo much to give it up. Otherwise I'm pretty healthy even though I smoke cigs and drink beer and shots of FireBall Whisky to go along with my cig, haha...Tried all sorts of medicine replacement therapies (methadone, suboxone) as well as cold turkey. I've had clean periods but the last time was back in the summer of "16 when I came down off my 2 buns/day habit with clonidine and sleeping pills washed down with a cold beer...pretty unorthodox way to detox; well from heroin anyways...I was ok for a while and trying to keep busy working or just doing anything to keep the demon at bay...of course there's always something that comes up to fuck everything up...but I had also noticed that I was clean from H physically BUT the combination of them damned drug dreams and not addressing the psychological aspect of this disease just set myself up for failure...Wasn't getting any sleep unless I drank myself to sleep which is stupid cause of course when the alcohol wears off you instantly wake up with a massive hangover and the same thoughts and feelings came back...I really wasn't happy at all being clean...very BORING as far as I thought. Came to the conclusion that I have to be on some sort of meds for the rest of my life...and if that's the case then it might as well be HEROIN!!!! That's my rant for the night...it's 1:45am and still don't feel sleepy or tired in any way so what's on your minds? Any comments, thoughts would be very appreciated.....Peace!!!