Meltdown

[ButrosButros_Grantos]

Lock bedroom door,
try to ignore,
the sounds emitting, outside.
Get into bed,
pillow my head,
this is hell, I must have died.

The walls, they breathe.
My mind, it seethes,
I cannot control my fear.
So eyes clenched shut,
I can't see but-
They all whisper in my ear.

Then frustration,
hesitation.
Voices LOUDER, have to see.
Re-open eyes,
and I despise,
my clothes, trying to eat me.

A nervous cough,
I tear them off,
throw them HARD, watch them falling.
They don't give in.
convince my skin,
to join them in the mauling.

Enforce my will,
and feel a thrill,
As I'm conquering my doubts.
Clothes they scatter.
No mind. Matter.
What the hell was that about?

My shoulders shrug,
my body, lug.
I ask sleep, a few z's lend?
My brain caves in,
and I begin,
plans again to make it end...

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

clever!

 

[ButrosButros_Grantos]

Really? I felt it was a little childish...

 

[CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT]

Lovely. :D

 

[ButrosButros_Grantos]

Thanks child, from you, it's much appreciated.

 

[ButrosButros_Grantos]

bump

 

[neverwas]

The walls, they breathe.
My mind, it seethes,
I cannot control my fear.
So eyes clenched shut,
I can't see but-
They all whisper in my ear.

you wrote your peice about acid i take it and this section in particular describes me trying to sleep every night when im alone. it was interesting to read from my perspective.

mwah

 

[.dR spgeddi]

love it.

 

[beanpoophead]

really really good!

your words paint a picture in my head

 

[up all night]

Yeah cool work bbg. I don't think it's childish at all.

And as other people have pointed out, without the last sentence it can be taken it quite a few ways.

 

[ButrosButros_Grantos]

Well, Ichanged the last line, do you think it sounds better now, more open ended for those that haven't read it, it used to be "planning acid next weekend.".

Thoughts?

 

[up all night]

I like it better the new way... but that's just my opinion.

 

[Dandy]

Well, Ichanged the last line, do you think it sounds better now, more open ended for those that haven't read it, it used to be "planning acid next weekend.".

Thoughts?

As much as I love acid I have to agree that the "new" last line is better. A fitting end to a great piece. Reading this made me think back to that scene in "Trainspotting" where McGregor is going crazy in bed -- it definitely has a struggling, agitated feel about it - I can relate it to a person in a very confined space for example, eager to get out.