yakksoho
Bluelighter
mehitabel has an adventure
Back to the city, Archy, and dam glad of it. There's something about the suburbs that gets on a town lady's nerves; fat slick tabbies sitting around those country clubs and lapping up the cream of existence. None of that for me. Give me the alley, Archy, me for the mews and the roofs of the city and occasional fish head and liberty is all I ask. Freedom and the garbage can. Romance, Archy, romance is the word. Maybe I do starve sometimes, but wotthehell, Archy, wotthehell, I have my own life.
I met a slick looking tom out at one of these long island spotless towns. He fell for me hard. He slipped me into the pantry and just as we had got the icebox door open and were about to sample the cream in comes his mistress.
"Why, Fluffy," she says to this slicker, "The idea of you making friends with a horrid creature like that."
And what did Fluffy do? Stand up for me like a gentleman, make good on all the promises with which he had lured me into his house? Not he, the dirty slob. He pretended he did not know me. He turned upon me and attacked me to make good with his boss.
"You mush-faced bum," I said, and clawed a piece out of his ear. I am a lady, Archy, always a lady, but an aristocrat will always resent an insult.
The woman picked up a mop and made for me. "Well, well, Madam," I said, "it is unfortunate for you that you have on sheer silk stockings," and I wrote my protest on her shin. It took reinforcements in the shape of her cook to rauss me, Archy, and as I went out the window I said to the Fluffy person, "You will hear from me later."
He had promised me everything, Archy, that cat had. He had practically abducted me, and then the cheap crook threw me down before his swell friends. No lady loves a scene, Archy, and I am always a lady, no matter what temporary disadvantages I may struggle under. "To hell with anything unrefined" has always been my motto.
Violence, Archy, always does something to my nerves, but an aristocrat must revenge an insult. I owe it to my family to protect my good name, so I laid for that slob for two days and nights and finally I caught the boob in the shrubbery.
"Pretty thing," I said, "it hurts me worse than it does you to remove that left eye of yours," but I did it with one sweep of my claws.
"You call yourself a gentleman, do you?" I said as I took a strip out of his nose, "You will think twice after this before you offer an insult to an unprotected young tabby.
"Where is the little love nest you spoke of?" I asked him. "You go and lie down there," I said, "and maybe you can incubate another ear, because I am going to take one of yours right off now," and with those words I made ribbons out of it.
"You are the guy," I said to him, "that was going to give me an easy life sheltered from all the rough ways of the world. Fluffy, dear, you don't know what the rough ways of the world are, and I am going to show you. I have got you out here in the great open spaces where cats are cats and I'm gonna make you understand the affections of a lady ain't to be trifled with by any slicker like you.
"Where is that red ribbon with the silver bells you promised me? The next time you betray the trust of an innocent female, reflect on whether she may carry a wallop.
"Little fiddle strings, this is just a mild lesson I am giving you tonight," I said as I took the fur off his back, "and you oughta be glad you didn't make me really angry. My sense of dignity is all that saves you. A lady, little sweetness, never loses her poise, and I thank God I am always a lady, even if I do live my own life."
And with that, I picked him up by what was left of his neck like a kitten, and laid him on the doormat slumber gently. "And sweet dreams, Fluffy, dear," I said, "and when you get well, make it a rule of your life never to trifle with another girlish confidence."
I have been abducted again and again by a dam sight better cats than he ever was or will be. Well, Archy, the world is full of ups and downs, but tougours gai is my motto. Cheerio my deario.
archy (Don Marquis)
Back to the city, Archy, and dam glad of it. There's something about the suburbs that gets on a town lady's nerves; fat slick tabbies sitting around those country clubs and lapping up the cream of existence. None of that for me. Give me the alley, Archy, me for the mews and the roofs of the city and occasional fish head and liberty is all I ask. Freedom and the garbage can. Romance, Archy, romance is the word. Maybe I do starve sometimes, but wotthehell, Archy, wotthehell, I have my own life.
I met a slick looking tom out at one of these long island spotless towns. He fell for me hard. He slipped me into the pantry and just as we had got the icebox door open and were about to sample the cream in comes his mistress.
"Why, Fluffy," she says to this slicker, "The idea of you making friends with a horrid creature like that."
And what did Fluffy do? Stand up for me like a gentleman, make good on all the promises with which he had lured me into his house? Not he, the dirty slob. He pretended he did not know me. He turned upon me and attacked me to make good with his boss.
"You mush-faced bum," I said, and clawed a piece out of his ear. I am a lady, Archy, always a lady, but an aristocrat will always resent an insult.
The woman picked up a mop and made for me. "Well, well, Madam," I said, "it is unfortunate for you that you have on sheer silk stockings," and I wrote my protest on her shin. It took reinforcements in the shape of her cook to rauss me, Archy, and as I went out the window I said to the Fluffy person, "You will hear from me later."
He had promised me everything, Archy, that cat had. He had practically abducted me, and then the cheap crook threw me down before his swell friends. No lady loves a scene, Archy, and I am always a lady, no matter what temporary disadvantages I may struggle under. "To hell with anything unrefined" has always been my motto.
Violence, Archy, always does something to my nerves, but an aristocrat must revenge an insult. I owe it to my family to protect my good name, so I laid for that slob for two days and nights and finally I caught the boob in the shrubbery.
"Pretty thing," I said, "it hurts me worse than it does you to remove that left eye of yours," but I did it with one sweep of my claws.
"You call yourself a gentleman, do you?" I said as I took a strip out of his nose, "You will think twice after this before you offer an insult to an unprotected young tabby.
"Where is the little love nest you spoke of?" I asked him. "You go and lie down there," I said, "and maybe you can incubate another ear, because I am going to take one of yours right off now," and with those words I made ribbons out of it.
"You are the guy," I said to him, "that was going to give me an easy life sheltered from all the rough ways of the world. Fluffy, dear, you don't know what the rough ways of the world are, and I am going to show you. I have got you out here in the great open spaces where cats are cats and I'm gonna make you understand the affections of a lady ain't to be trifled with by any slicker like you.
"Where is that red ribbon with the silver bells you promised me? The next time you betray the trust of an innocent female, reflect on whether she may carry a wallop.
"Little fiddle strings, this is just a mild lesson I am giving you tonight," I said as I took the fur off his back, "and you oughta be glad you didn't make me really angry. My sense of dignity is all that saves you. A lady, little sweetness, never loses her poise, and I thank God I am always a lady, even if I do live my own life."
And with that, I picked him up by what was left of his neck like a kitten, and laid him on the doormat slumber gently. "And sweet dreams, Fluffy, dear," I said, "and when you get well, make it a rule of your life never to trifle with another girlish confidence."
I have been abducted again and again by a dam sight better cats than he ever was or will be. Well, Archy, the world is full of ups and downs, but tougours gai is my motto. Cheerio my deario.
archy (Don Marquis)
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