meh

Tonight, I feel some sort of way and I want to act out. I don't want to get high (that is no longer an acceptable option in my life).

I would like some sort of escape, though.

Sex? With who? I don't do randoms or one nighters.

Violence? No thanks. I can't hurt someone simply because I hurt. Besides, I have a life worth living now and don't need consequences.

This fucked up perspective. These thoughts that focus on failing.

I guess I just need to feel these feelings, ignore the thoughts and they will pass. They always do.

I thought sleep would be a good idea, just start a new day tomorrow. I can't sleep, though. If I feel like I am failing and not pushing hard enough, how dare I sleep. I gotta keep this shit moving and DO something.

Action, man... fucking action, effort and change is the remedy.

My impatience and inability to see the real results of past actions, efforts and changes is fucking with me.

Fucking pussy. I got clean and I got soft. I've had it much, much, MUCH worse. What the fuck am I stressing this small shit for?

Fuck this. The gym allows me to hurt myself in a positive manner.

See yas later

 

I get it.

 

I was just about to say: "hit the gym, now. Hard.", but you beat me to it. If nothing else it'll help you sleep.

Here's to things looking better in the morning!

 

I didn't go to the gym but did manage to sleep. I was just in one of those moods. I think when things start going very well, I look for ways to make them unpleasant or manage some sort of self-sabotage.

Life is actually great nowadays. Its a good feeling

 

i think sometimes being alone with yourself is maddening.

its odd that you say the gym is a positive way to hurt yourself. i still hate working out but i like pain i get from pushing myself to stretch more.