*** copied from BL journal ***
Well, I've decided to back on paroxetine. The benefits outweigh the negatives. I initially thought that it would be best to experience my emotions uninhibited but, I can't tell what is real and what is completely blown out of proportion in my head.
I get the distinct impression that the woman I respect most is stepping further back from me. I'm trying to communicate to her that its okay if she is but I don't know if I am simply mindfucking myself or if all the signs and signals are what I believe them to be.
I'm thinking of stepping off. She's too good of a person to be an additional stress to. I truly love her and believe we could be great for each other but I guess it isn't in the cards right now.
I kinda feel like an idiot and realize that I really need to work on acceptance of things I can't change. I also feel kinda needy whereas I simply just need to know what's going on. This lack of knowing has me thinking all kinds of shit. I can handle the loss however painful it may be, I'm just struggling with the fact that I'm apparently not easy to talk to so I'm being avoided.
This horrible feeling, too shall pass and I WILL learn how to face life on life's terms.
I want to go to bed but I'm wide awake. Initially my inabilty to sleep was due to all the thoughts raging in my mind but I feel better after typing this into a journal.
I'm living and learning and I know that it can be bad but its never as bad as my brain makes it out to be.
My past happened for a reason. That reason will become apparent to me some day.
Well, I've decided to back on paroxetine. The benefits outweigh the negatives. I initially thought that it would be best to experience my emotions uninhibited but, I can't tell what is real and what is completely blown out of proportion in my head.
I get the distinct impression that the woman I respect most is stepping further back from me. I'm trying to communicate to her that its okay if she is but I don't know if I am simply mindfucking myself or if all the signs and signals are what I believe them to be.
I'm thinking of stepping off. She's too good of a person to be an additional stress to. I truly love her and believe we could be great for each other but I guess it isn't in the cards right now.
I kinda feel like an idiot and realize that I really need to work on acceptance of things I can't change. I also feel kinda needy whereas I simply just need to know what's going on. This lack of knowing has me thinking all kinds of shit. I can handle the loss however painful it may be, I'm just struggling with the fact that I'm apparently not easy to talk to so I'm being avoided.
This horrible feeling, too shall pass and I WILL learn how to face life on life's terms.
I want to go to bed but I'm wide awake. Initially my inabilty to sleep was due to all the thoughts raging in my mind but I feel better after typing this into a journal.
I'm living and learning and I know that it can be bad but its never as bad as my brain makes it out to be.
My past happened for a reason. That reason will become apparent to me some day.
