Media -- Inside Dope

[Nicomorphinist]

Area Father Must Have Read Some Drug Slang Brochure Or Something

Area Father Must Have Read Some Drug-Slang Brochure Or Something

DECATUR, GA–Rodney Dunbar, a 46-year-old civil engineer and father of two, "must have read some drug-slang pamphlet or something," his children reported Monday.

local.theonion.com

The Onion, 25. April 2001

Metric System Thriving In Nation's Inner Cities

Metric System Thriving In Nation's Inner Cities

WASHINGTON, DC–Despite other academic shortcomings, inner-city youths possess a firmer grasp of the metric system than their peers in suburban and rural areas, according to a Department Of Education study released Monday.

www.theonion.com

The Onion, 31. January 2001

I'm Like A Chocoholic, But For Booze

I'm Like A Chocoholic, But For Booze

Did you ever know a "chocoholic"? One of those folks who just can’t get enough chocolate? I bet there’s at least one in your home or workplace. At my house, it’s my wife Emily. She’s got to have her little bowl of Hershey’s Kisses in the living room. She can’t go shopping without bringing home...

www.theonion.com

The Onion, 15. November 2000

CIA Unveils New Ghetto Drugs For '98

CIA Unveils New Ghetto Drugs For '98

LANGLEY, VA—After months of eager anticipation within the nation's ghetto communities, the Central Intelligence Agency unveiled its 1998 line of addictive drugs Monday.

politics.theonion.com

The Onion, 9. July 1997

The OxyContin Epidemic

The OxyContin Epidemic

OxyContin, a powerful prescription painkiller whose effects have been compared to heroin’s, is being abused by a soaring number of drug addicts. What do you think?

www.theonion.com

The Onion, 29. August 2001

It's Not A Crack House, It's A Crack Home

It's Not A Crack House, It's A Crack Home

I’ll bet a day doesn’t go by that I don’t hear something negative about crack cocaine, and the people who love it. Well, it just so happens that, despite all the mudslinging you may have read in the magazines, there are plenty of decent, hardworking crack lovers, just like in any other "walk of...

www.theonion.com

The Onion, 3. December 1996

German-Style Krackhaüs Offers Hearty Cocaine

German-Style Krackhaüs Offers Hearty Cocaine

Rousing shouts of "Prosit!" and boot-shaped vials frothing over with hearty, dark German-style crack are the order of the day at Hans von Kreutzen's new neighborhood Krackhaüs.

local.theonion.com

The Onion, 18. September 1996

Is Oral Sex Sex?

Is Oral Sex Sex?

According to a recent USA Today cover story, oral sex is sharply on the rise among teenagers, many of whom do not consider it a form of sex. What do you think?

www.theonion.com

The Onion, 13. December 2000

 

[Wilson Wilson]

"I read an article in the paper about that new drug Ecstasy and its long-term effects on the brain," Dunbar said. "I wanted to talk to the kids about it, but then I forgot what the article said they call it. Is it 'E' or 'X'? Or is it both? And I can't remember if you use 'E' as a noun or verb–do you 'do E' or do you 'get E'd up'? I'll have to make sure to get that straight."

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